[ Tidus doesn't pay any mind to Inigo's approaching figure, neither minding one way or another if he stays or goes. He does turn back to the stream though, to watch the floating lights, drawn to the spectacle and the weight it settles over him. ]
Yeah, [ he replies simply at first, tilting his view to pick out his candles from the others. ] ...Zanarkand, Auron, and my old man. I... kinda wanted to. All this time, and I never did.
[ For a multitude of reasons. Because he isn't the type. Because it's too much of a whole affair for him to do just for himself. And why would he want to? So it's strange for him to be pulled into this now, but at the same time - it feels right.
But I should, now. He doesn't express that, but looks over to Inigo instead, regarding him with the same considerate look and tone. Not pushing for anything more than the other is willing to give. ]
[ Even with the words that go completely unsaid by Tidus, it's like Inigo can hear them all the same. Or perhaps they're there, lying in wait right under the words the other does say - especially those last few words.
There's the urge to hold Tidus's hand. To tell him that he did well. But Inigo can't help but worry if that might be a little weird to the other, especially at a potentially vulnerable moment.. and perhaps he's just projecting a little, imagining that Tidus might want the same kind of reassuring as he'd do in the other's shoes.
.. maybe it'd be kinder to answer the other's question, allowing Tidus to take some of the attention heat away from himself. ]
I.. [ He starts, pauses, and then starts anew. ] For mother and father. Although I suppose I'm.. a little more used to it.
[ Since Tidus said he never had. ]
I tried to put flowers at their grave every single year, but.. well, you can imagine that it got pretty difficult pretty quickly to always be in the neighbourhood or even find flowers. [ Considering they had been traveling that post-apocalyptic wasteland together, him and his friends. They couldn't put remembrances like these over people's safety. ]
[ Tidus can imagine it, a little. He's sometimes wondered what it was really like for Inigo, where people come back from the dead, endlessly. Was it like their fiends at all, like Spira? Or was it endless, more constant, no time for real rest?
It's always seemed the latter, more bleak, at the last of its tether. And in his throat, there's the response, 'Well, you can do it again soon', but sense comes to him before it can. Because it'll be good, that Inigo won't go to a world filled with strife, but he'll be going home to a world that's forgotten him.
If he can't go with Roland. And even then - what's going home, in their situation? ]
Candles are nice. [ So he settles for those words, that don't sound quite right coming out of his mouth, but the best he has. A best that really sucks, he chastises himself over, but what else can he say? When his thoughts quickly become befuddled, when he doesn't know about mentioning a mom lost to the void.
Tidus puts a hand on Inigo's knee to cover it up. His mind, his growing silence. ]
If you...want anything, you know, or you just want company...
[ He can feel it in his eyes, that familiar sting. He could have done this remembrance without crying if he tried, he thinks, but this just takes it up to another level. It's hard to suddenly be punched with care while he's already emotionally vulnerable, and Inigo makes sure to quickly blink a few times in rapid succession to try and get rid of the water that's starting to pile up.
He doesn't want to cry. Not when Tidus is here to remember the people he has lost as well.
No, not just people. His entire world, only a dream.
Inigo laughs a little. ]
Candles are nice. [ He recognizes that it was some slightly-too-quickly-said awkward wording on Tidus's part, but he repeats it with that amused tone, as if to say he doesn't mind.
He likes it, the way things can just be like this between them. ]
.. company's even nicer though. [ Inigo glances down at that hand on his knee, but for once doesn't put his own hand on top of it. For now, anyway. ] We both have people to remember, anyway.
[ This is definitely a two way street here. They both came here for the same reason. ]
[ Tidus wonders if he should pull away, take his hand back to himself. Not coming to a decision, but leaving it there for now. Company's nice, and Inigo likes things like this, and maybe he likes it too. He isn't sure if the gesture is as comforting as anything else would be, but it's not hurting either of them.
And it's not what he thinks about for long. What he does is what Inigo said: 'Visiting graves and leaving flowers'. There weren't graves to visit in Zanarkand; their burials took place to the sea, caskets made to help sink them down to the bottom, to the depths that no one would be able to reach but the dead.
He can't imagine the act, taking flowers anywhere. But, he wasn't without his own rituals. His own forms of remembrance, there, as clear as anything. ]
Auno on 11. Deca on 2. Those're the days my parents passed - well, we thought they passed. [ Dates that translate, or maybe don't, into a calendar that makes sense to Inigo's ears - 11th August, 20th December. ]
The first's when my old man disappeared, then the second...that's when my mom did die.
[ And he didn't light her a candle. The guilt drops in his stomach, the lights and sticks already gone. He didn't do it because she didn't die recent, but now, shouldn't he have done it anyway?
He bites on his bottom lip, shoves the thought down. ]
I'd remember them, thinking about it, everything. But, I didn't really do anything.
[ Because what was he going to do? What was there to do when they were gone?
...Except, he knows what he wanted to. Wished he could, but never really having the right time, the right head to go along with it.
The right people, or just maybe - the right amount of courage. ]
...I always...wanted to talk about them. 'Bout how I felt - really felt. But I didn't have anyone to do it with.
[ He only had his own head, and peers who would probably think him dumb for bringing anything up.
Especially about his old man. He was the greatest, after all. ]
[ Inigo is silent as he listens to the other speak, casting little glances towards him, off to the side. And he's thinking right along with every single word that leaves Tidus's mouth. Most of it isn't too surprising. Not even the part about him not having anyone to talk about it with. From what he's gathered - if not just from how the other was so weird about physical contact at first - talking about feelings just wasn't really something guys did together in Tidus's world.
So even though he must have been close with his team.. it still can't have been the kind of close where he'd talk about all his feelings with them, especially the more vulnerable ones. ]
Hmm. [ Inigo softly hums, showing that he's listening to the other.
Especially since.. well, he kind of gets it, doesn't he? Even though the reason certainly was different for him, it's not like he ever talked about his pain either. Not even with his sister, despite her being right there all the time. It's just that he saw the burden on her shoulders - on everyone's shoulders - and couldn't add to it. ]
.. but you have people to talk about it with now. [ People. Multiple. Inigo knows it's not just him. He knows Taiki would listen to Tidus at the drop of a hat. Others, too. ] I know it's a little late, but..
If you want to talk about them, you can. Or about your feelings. You know I'll listen.
[ Inigo glances upwards, but then his gaze travels back towards Tidus. This time properly looking at him.
Smiling. ]
There's a lot of time for it here.
[ Get it? Since the days are so long?
Just making sure to keep some lightness in here, bro. Just for you. ]
Yeah. [ The joke registers a little with Tidus, if only for the amount of time suffered, and Tidus having complained once or twice about it (if only there was sunshine involved!). He huffs, a small sound of mirth, eyes on Inigo before they draw away with the hand on his knee; looking back at the water, resting back on his own leg. ]
I know. You have - you've listened a lot. [ About his past, about his present. About everything, always. ] But... I think we already know a lot about each other, don't we? You know about my old man and mom.
[ He looks at Inigo again, as if to say, right? He knows about his dad, for sure. And his mom - it feels like it's come up.
And Tidus knows and Inigo's own family too. The mom he misses, the dad who didn't act like one when it was needed.
[ Another slight answer at first, just something small and affirmative as Inigo nods his head. He knows plenty about Tidus's dad by now. Less about his mom, but.. still enough to be able to draw up an image in his head.
It's probably just the very nature of spending so much time together. Even if there might be details they still don't know about each other, and even though it might be slightly hard to imagine just how the other has lived.. they do know a lot. ]
But it doesn't mean you can't feel new things sometimes, you know? Or just want to throw more feelings out there. I won't tell you, 'sheesh, Tidus, this is the second time you've talked about your mother, can you calm down?'
[ Obviously. But Inigo exaggerates the tone a little, making it more obviously a joke. Some lightness here, in the sea of light with all the candles around. ]
I know that I feel so much for my father and mother all the time. Even though they have been gone for such a long time now.
Yeah, but you did see them more recent before you got taken by the train. [ ...and on the train, but, you know. Let's not add that.]
You know they're going to be alive again, when time rewinds. When everything goes right this time. [ When they defeat Naga. At least, is that how it works? ... Something close, and Tidus won't get caught on the details. ]
I'd be thinking about them a lot too, if that happened to my folks.
[ A chance for them to live again. What would they do? What would they be doing? Would it be in Zanarkand, or on Spira?
Wherever it was, they'd both be happy. ... Happy, reunited.
And he'd be the one on the train, thinking about the pair. ]
[ Inigo goes quiet, seemingly considering it for a few moments. If his parents weren't still alive in the past, if he wasn't fighting to make a future for them, would he have stopped thinking of them?
.. probably not. Even before he knew what shot they had at saving the past, he thought of his mother an embarrassing number of times, and Inigo knows it. She was way too big a part of his heart to fully let go.
Ugh. He so doesn't want to make this about him. He doesn't want to make everything about him! ]
But you think of your parents too, right? Even though they're..
[ Dead. Gone. Whichever word Tidus prefers to use - or maybe preferring to use none at all. It's exactly why Inigo lets his voice trail off in such a way, to say something without saying it, in a way they both understand. ]
Yyeah? [ This time when he says it, there's a struggle, that indecision that comes from emotions he can't really place, when they seem to need to be. ] But it's different now. Knowing what my old man became, seeing him get to ... rest. I'm glad he is. And my mom...
[ ... and his mom. His feelings for her haven't really changed much, he doesn't think. A mother he isn't really sure how to feel about. A wife that missed her husband so much. ]
They're happy now. If people really go to the Farplane, whatever happens - they're both together now. They'd... be there.
[ To be seen, if anyone called them on. And he can't figure out why, but that hurts to be think about. General sadness? Or just unresolved emotions, that even now, he's never properly let himself examine.
Or it's just the mood of this endless night, the others out too, like him. Thinking about the dead. I would've seen him, he thinks, and there's nothing like yearning for a missed opportunity - 'cause what, did he want to die? No, never.
It makes his face feel tense, his cheeks colour, and he wraps his arms tighter around his crouched knees. ]
I wish they had something happier.
[ I wish I had something happier. But it's childish - to wish over nothing, over something he'd never get. ]
Because.. well, isn't it natural? Despite the rocky nature to Tidus's relationship with his father - with his parents, perhaps - he cares for them. Obviously so. Inigo is so fond of his own parents, especially his mother, that he can't imagine anyone not feeling that way about their parents. Wanting the best for them. Wishing they could've gotten something happier than they've had.
Doesn't Inigo wish the same, deep down? His father and mother who died too young, buried in the cold ground. No such stories in Ylisse about souls moving on, or any afterlife. Just lives being snubbed out too early, and then nothingness - if you're lucky enough to not end up as a Risen, anyway. Of course he wants better than that for them, it's why he's been fighting tooth and nail all this time. ]
But..
[ He shakes his head, and then moves his hand, instead draping it over the other's shoulder. Scooting closer until their sides are touching. ]
Even if it's not the happiest.. At least being together can sometimes be a form of happiness all by itself. [ Inigo's mind immediately travels to the sadder side of that coin. Yuna and Tidus, not together, perhaps eternally unable to be together. But he shakes it off, not wanting to think about it, not even wanting the thought to slip into the other's mind. ]
If your father and mother are there together now.. Then they'd at least be happy about that. Don't you think..?
[ He makes a sound, another 'Yeah', but muddied and hesitant. It's not that he isn't happy over the idea of them being together, he's not that selfish. But the problem is, if he could be selfish- ]
I just wish- I could remember a happier memory. Y'know? [ It might be the hand on his shoulder letting him admit it, as much as he's struggling over how pointless it is. Immature- ] It's stupid, but - I remember them being happy. But I can't remember a time... when we were happy.
[ Or is it the thought of his mother that blocks it, that makes it difficult, watching her waste away, indifferent to the world? His fingers clench around his knees. ]
I wish it was a happier feeling. [ ... ] But I guess... that'd be a lie. I dunno...
[ He mutters, sighs that last part, unsure of his feelings and the mess they are. But he takes advantage of the body next to his, leaning his weight against the one beside him. ]
[ This part is a little harder for Inigo to imagine. Sure, he didn't get a whole lot of moments with his dad either, but at least he has so many happy memories of his mom. Even just sitting here, he can think of so many of them, no matter how young he was at that time. It's like they were burned into his memory, just from the sheer intensity of the love he felt around his mother than he was younger.
Tidus might have less of that. Or maybe the happy times with his mother are so far buried underneath what happened later, that it's hard to even recall them.
Either way, he doesn't judge Tidus. He just feels bad for the other. If Tidus had the kind of happy memories Inigo had of his own childhood, would things have turned out differently for him? ]
We did. .. it isn't fair.
[ But then again, it's not like any world was made to be fair. Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes a dragon wipes out your world. Sometimes your father becomes the source of destruction itself. ]
.. is there anything you'd want to say to them? If you could. [ His hand, resting on Tidus's shoulder while he's still holding the other close to his side, lightly squeezes that shoulder. ] If they could somehow hear it.
[ There's at least some humour to the nonsense sound, dragging off into it, turning into a small huff. A pinch of embarrassment for that comforting squeeze, but he buries that away, tells himself not to be dumb about it. ]
Dunno, [ he answers instead. ] --I'mmm...not so good at words. I'd rather get to spend some time with them, y'know? If we're going for stuff like that. [ The impossible. But then he chuckles, a little sound as- ] Oh, man. But spending time with my old man.
[ He shifts his shoulders, as if huffing so hard, they bounce. ]
Sometimes it's like the guy might just die if he admits to even a single sentimental emotion within him. Which usually Inigo would call out, but.. well, he is trying to be a little gentle towards the other here, everything considered. An event like this isn't really the place to bicker.
So all Inigo does is let out an amused breath that sounds like it might have been a laugh under different circumstances before shaking his head. ]
So you'd rather spend time with Roland?
[ Even if he might not be Tidus's old man, Roland is still a very, very old man in a young man body. ]
And have him be all Roland-y? [ 'Roland-y'. Yes, he can say that. ] Can't I hang around someone my own age?
[ Please, Inigo, you're the only one who would be ecstatic to spend quality time with Roland in that fashion! Even if Tidus likes Roland, there's no way they'd get real enjoyment than being around people their own age.
...but this is distracting from the reason he said about hanging out, even if the longer he lingers on it (lingers on the thought of being around his parents) makes him apprehensive-- ]
-- A few hours. Okay? Just a few, with my folks. That's it. [ And then, 'cause he can, he nudges into Inigo playfully. ] You'd get more out of spending a whole day with any of your folks.
[ Honestly, just Tidus saying that he'd hang out with his parents for a few hours is already admitting to more than he might have under necessarily all circumstances - or so Inigo thinks, anyway, with the image he's gotten of the other right now. But of course he also has to continue, just to turn this back onto Inigo.
.. who smiles, like he's amused at it being turned back around on him in such a way, but also shakes his head. ]
With my mother, sure. [ That much is so obvious that he doesn't mind admitting it. And he's well aware that Tidus knows that Inigo could hang around with Roland all day and have fun, despite the age difference. Inigo is just so weak when it comes to parental figures.
Or.. well. With one exception, huh. ]
But I don't know if I'd say the same about my father. I don't even know what I'd say to him.
[ Especially if it was his actual father. Not even the Chrom from the past. ]
[ Please, don't act like you know all his subtle dodging tricks here!!
But Tidus knows things are complicated with Inigo's father. Isn't that the difficulty for them both? Even if there's a bigger barrier with Tidus and his mother - where he's always had plenty to say to his dad, but when it came to his mom-
(Why? is the question he doesn't want to ask. --Wasn't I...enough?) ]
You might think of something, if you had a few hours. [ ... It's stupid, doing this; thinking of mights or what ifs about Inigo's own family. But that's where they are, aren't they. ] You never really got to meet him, did you? 'Cept when you went to the past.
[ Does that dad count right now? ... Well. ]
You could tell him he didn't know what he was talking about, back then!
[ That's how it works, right. Tidus swings out a fist, the gesture and idea both silly in their deliveries. ]
[ Inigo glances over at Tidus. Surprised, at first, but then he sees that fist and Inigo instead just lets out a short laugh. He pushes with his hand against the fist, as if to push it out of the way, but it's a weak sort of action. A joking sort of action. ]
Of course your advice would be "go ahead and pick a fight with your father!" [ Nothing could possibly be more Tidus-y than that.
Especially since Inigo knows it's the sort of mood Tidus gets in around old men. He's seen Tidus do it with Roland so often.. Like it's instinct. Even though he gets that the other is joking here--
But that's exactly why Inigo just laughs right along. ]
You want me to get into a fight with the ruler of Ylisse himself?
Not scared of a lil' jail time or being sentenced to death, are ya?
[ Tidus can tell Inigo's going along with him, so he gives him a mischievous smile, a glint in his eye. ]
He's only got a few hours to call it! That gives you plenty of time to run. And if he can't handle a punch from his own kid for being a bad dad, that says a lot about him.
[ Truthfully, the most wise of advice to be found. ]
[ Even as they're just being playful. Messing around, joking.. he still can't quite say that, not even jokingly. Because the idea of giving his own father a punch is just much too weird to Inigo.
.. though that does make his mental train of thought screech to a halt for a moment.
Inigo's eyes widen as he looks over at Tidus, curiously asking: ]
Did.. you ever punch your father? [ He wouldn't put it past Tidus. ]
I know, I know. [ It's okay, bro. He gives him another playful knock on the arm, just to reassure he's joking. Some of the playful mirth easing as Inigo asks his question.
Wellll... ] I wanted to. [ Absolutely. ] Most of my life. But at the end? Uhh... ... I had to fight him, [ which is a form...of punching...? ] But... I would've avoided it if I could.
[ You know - he never wanted to kill his old man. ]
[ It's an unsurprising answer. Of course Tidus wouldn't actually want to fight his father - not in the serious sort of way. Maybe knock him down a peg, that sure sounds like Tidus's way of living, but to actually fight in a hostile way?
.. Inigo can't imagine it. His friend is much too good for that. His hand reaches out to pat Tidus's upper leg. ]
Of course you would have.
[ Avoided it, that is. Of course. Tidus is just like that.
Inigo's voice grows a little more quiet as he speaks on, less of a joking tone now in his voice. ] I guess it's kind of ironic though, huh. You didn't get to punch him when you wanted to, but then when you didn't want to do it.. [ He had to do worse. ]
[ Does irony have to come up with killing one's pops? But there's nothing chastising to the remark, just more of a brush away from it, along with a raised brow and smirk to go with it, so Inigo doesn't feel bad about it.
Tidus turns his gaze, back out to the flowing water. ]
I got more than I thought I would. [ In the end. An honest truth. His dad was supposed to be dead, for all the mixed emotions and a son he left behind. ] We...patched things up. Got about as good as we were going to.
[ More than anyone got. And the thought leads his mind to the people of Zanarkand. What about them? They didn't get anything - there wasn't anything they could do for them.
But they're a hard topic to broach, his brow furrowing. What can he even do? Say? There's nothing he can do to make it better for them, for anyone in Spira now. It keeps him quiet, distracted. ]
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blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
no subject
Yeah, [ he replies simply at first, tilting his view to pick out his candles from the others. ] ...Zanarkand, Auron, and my old man. I... kinda wanted to. All this time, and I never did.
[ For a multitude of reasons. Because he isn't the type. Because it's too much of a whole affair for him to do just for himself. And why would he want to? So it's strange for him to be pulled into this now, but at the same time - it feels right.
But I should, now. He doesn't express that, but looks over to Inigo instead, regarding him with the same considerate look and tone. Not pushing for anything more than the other is willing to give. ]
How about you?
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There's the urge to hold Tidus's hand. To tell him that he did well. But Inigo can't help but worry if that might be a little weird to the other, especially at a potentially vulnerable moment.. and perhaps he's just projecting a little, imagining that Tidus might want the same kind of reassuring as he'd do in the other's shoes.
.. maybe it'd be kinder to answer the other's question, allowing Tidus to take some of the attention heat away from himself. ]
I.. [ He starts, pauses, and then starts anew. ] For mother and father. Although I suppose I'm.. a little more used to it.
[ Since Tidus said he never had. ]
I tried to put flowers at their grave every single year, but.. well, you can imagine that it got pretty difficult pretty quickly to always be in the neighbourhood or even find flowers. [ Considering they had been traveling that post-apocalyptic wasteland together, him and his friends. They couldn't put remembrances like these over people's safety. ]
no subject
It's always seemed the latter, more bleak, at the last of its tether. And in his throat, there's the response, 'Well, you can do it again soon', but sense comes to him before it can. Because it'll be good, that Inigo won't go to a world filled with strife, but he'll be going home to a world that's forgotten him.
If he can't go with Roland. And even then - what's going home, in their situation? ]
Candles are nice. [ So he settles for those words, that don't sound quite right coming out of his mouth, but the best he has. A best that really sucks, he chastises himself over, but what else can he say? When his thoughts quickly become befuddled, when he doesn't know about mentioning a mom lost to the void.
Tidus puts a hand on Inigo's knee to cover it up. His mind, his growing silence. ]
If you...want anything, you know, or you just want company...
[ I'm here. ]
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He doesn't want to cry. Not when Tidus is here to remember the people he has lost as well.
No, not just people. His entire world, only a dream.
Inigo laughs a little. ]
Candles are nice. [ He recognizes that it was some slightly-too-quickly-said awkward wording on Tidus's part, but he repeats it with that amused tone, as if to say he doesn't mind.
He likes it, the way things can just be like this between them. ]
.. company's even nicer though. [ Inigo glances down at that hand on his knee, but for once doesn't put his own hand on top of it. For now, anyway. ] We both have people to remember, anyway.
[ This is definitely a two way street here. They both came here for the same reason. ]
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And it's not what he thinks about for long. What he does is what Inigo said: 'Visiting graves and leaving flowers'. There weren't graves to visit in Zanarkand; their burials took place to the sea, caskets made to help sink them down to the bottom, to the depths that no one would be able to reach but the dead.
He can't imagine the act, taking flowers anywhere. But, he wasn't without his own rituals. His own forms of remembrance, there, as clear as anything. ]
Auno on 11. Deca on 2. Those're the days my parents passed - well, we thought they passed. [ Dates that translate, or maybe don't, into a calendar that makes sense to Inigo's ears - 11th August, 20th December. ]
The first's when my old man disappeared, then the second...that's when my mom did die.
[ And he didn't light her a candle. The guilt drops in his stomach, the lights and sticks already gone. He didn't do it because she didn't die recent, but now, shouldn't he have done it anyway?
He bites on his bottom lip, shoves the thought down. ]
I'd remember them, thinking about it, everything. But, I didn't really do anything.
[ Because what was he going to do? What was there to do when they were gone?
...Except, he knows what he wanted to. Wished he could, but never really having the right time, the right head to go along with it.
The right people, or just maybe - the right amount of courage. ]
...I always...wanted to talk about them. 'Bout how I felt - really felt. But I didn't have anyone to do it with.
[ He only had his own head, and peers who would probably think him dumb for bringing anything up.
Especially about his old man. He was the greatest, after all. ]
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So even though he must have been close with his team.. it still can't have been the kind of close where he'd talk about all his feelings with them, especially the more vulnerable ones. ]
Hmm. [ Inigo softly hums, showing that he's listening to the other.
Especially since.. well, he kind of gets it, doesn't he? Even though the reason certainly was different for him, it's not like he ever talked about his pain either. Not even with his sister, despite her being right there all the time. It's just that he saw the burden on her shoulders - on everyone's shoulders - and couldn't add to it. ]
.. but you have people to talk about it with now. [ People. Multiple. Inigo knows it's not just him. He knows Taiki would listen to Tidus at the drop of a hat. Others, too. ] I know it's a little late, but..
If you want to talk about them, you can. Or about your feelings. You know I'll listen.
[ Inigo glances upwards, but then his gaze travels back towards Tidus. This time properly looking at him.
Smiling. ]
There's a lot of time for it here.
[ Get it? Since the days are so long?
Just making sure to keep some lightness in here, bro. Just for you. ]
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I know. You have - you've listened a lot. [ About his past, about his present. About everything, always. ] But... I think we already know a lot about each other, don't we? You know about my old man and mom.
[ He looks at Inigo again, as if to say, right? He knows about his dad, for sure. And his mom - it feels like it's come up.
And Tidus knows and Inigo's own family too. The mom he misses, the dad who didn't act like one when it was needed.
(They're both well aware of dads like that.) ]
no subject
[ Another slight answer at first, just something small and affirmative as Inigo nods his head. He knows plenty about Tidus's dad by now. Less about his mom, but.. still enough to be able to draw up an image in his head.
It's probably just the very nature of spending so much time together. Even if there might be details they still don't know about each other, and even though it might be slightly hard to imagine just how the other has lived.. they do know a lot. ]
But it doesn't mean you can't feel new things sometimes, you know? Or just want to throw more feelings out there. I won't tell you, 'sheesh, Tidus, this is the second time you've talked about your mother, can you calm down?'
[ Obviously. But Inigo exaggerates the tone a little, making it more obviously a joke. Some lightness here, in the sea of light with all the candles around. ]
I know that I feel so much for my father and mother all the time. Even though they have been gone for such a long time now.
no subject
You know they're going to be alive again, when time rewinds. When everything goes right this time. [ When they defeat Naga. At least, is that how it works? ... Something close, and Tidus won't get caught on the details. ]
I'd be thinking about them a lot too, if that happened to my folks.
[ A chance for them to live again. What would they do? What would they be doing? Would it be in Zanarkand, or on Spira?
Wherever it was, they'd both be happy. ... Happy, reunited.
And he'd be the one on the train, thinking about the pair. ]
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.. probably not. Even before he knew what shot they had at saving the past, he thought of his mother an embarrassing number of times, and Inigo knows it. She was way too big a part of his heart to fully let go.
Ugh. He so doesn't want to make this about him. He doesn't want to make everything about him! ]
But you think of your parents too, right? Even though they're..
[ Dead. Gone. Whichever word Tidus prefers to use - or maybe preferring to use none at all. It's exactly why Inigo lets his voice trail off in such a way, to say something without saying it, in a way they both understand. ]
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[ ... and his mom. His feelings for her haven't really changed much, he doesn't think. A mother he isn't really sure how to feel about. A wife that missed her husband so much. ]
They're happy now. If people really go to the Farplane, whatever happens - they're both together now. They'd... be there.
[ To be seen, if anyone called them on. And he can't figure out why, but that hurts to be think about. General sadness? Or just unresolved emotions, that even now, he's never properly let himself examine.
Or it's just the mood of this endless night, the others out too, like him. Thinking about the dead. I would've seen him, he thinks, and there's nothing like yearning for a missed opportunity - 'cause what, did he want to die? No, never.
It makes his face feel tense, his cheeks colour, and he wraps his arms tighter around his crouched knees. ]
I wish they had something happier.
[ I wish I had something happier. But it's childish - to wish over nothing, over something he'd never get. ]
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Because.. well, isn't it natural? Despite the rocky nature to Tidus's relationship with his father - with his parents, perhaps - he cares for them. Obviously so. Inigo is so fond of his own parents, especially his mother, that he can't imagine anyone not feeling that way about their parents. Wanting the best for them. Wishing they could've gotten something happier than they've had.
Doesn't Inigo wish the same, deep down? His father and mother who died too young, buried in the cold ground. No such stories in Ylisse about souls moving on, or any afterlife. Just lives being snubbed out too early, and then nothingness - if you're lucky enough to not end up as a Risen, anyway. Of course he wants better than that for them, it's why he's been fighting tooth and nail all this time. ]
But..
[ He shakes his head, and then moves his hand, instead draping it over the other's shoulder. Scooting closer until their sides are touching. ]
Even if it's not the happiest.. At least being together can sometimes be a form of happiness all by itself. [ Inigo's mind immediately travels to the sadder side of that coin. Yuna and Tidus, not together, perhaps eternally unable to be together. But he shakes it off, not wanting to think about it, not even wanting the thought to slip into the other's mind. ]
If your father and mother are there together now.. Then they'd at least be happy about that. Don't you think..?
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I just wish- I could remember a happier memory. Y'know? [ It might be the hand on his shoulder letting him admit it, as much as he's struggling over how pointless it is. Immature- ] It's stupid, but - I remember them being happy. But I can't remember a time... when we were happy.
[ Or is it the thought of his mother that blocks it, that makes it difficult, watching her waste away, indifferent to the world? His fingers clench around his knees. ]
I wish it was a happier feeling. [ ... ] But I guess... that'd be a lie. I dunno...
[ He mutters, sighs that last part, unsure of his feelings and the mess they are. But he takes advantage of the body next to his, leaning his weight against the one beside him. ]
...We lost them too young.
[ Isn't that the problem, in the end... ]
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Tidus might have less of that. Or maybe the happy times with his mother are so far buried underneath what happened later, that it's hard to even recall them.
Either way, he doesn't judge Tidus. He just feels bad for the other. If Tidus had the kind of happy memories Inigo had of his own childhood, would things have turned out differently for him? ]
We did. .. it isn't fair.
[ But then again, it's not like any world was made to be fair. Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes a dragon wipes out your world. Sometimes your father becomes the source of destruction itself. ]
.. is there anything you'd want to say to them? If you could. [ His hand, resting on Tidus's shoulder while he's still holding the other close to his side, lightly squeezes that shoulder. ] If they could somehow hear it.
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[ There's at least some humour to the nonsense sound, dragging off into it, turning into a small huff. A pinch of embarrassment for that comforting squeeze, but he buries that away, tells himself not to be dumb about it. ]
Dunno, [ he answers instead. ] --I'mmm...not so good at words. I'd rather get to spend some time with them, y'know? If we're going for stuff like that. [ The impossible. But then he chuckles, a little sound as- ] Oh, man. But spending time with my old man.
[ He shifts his shoulders, as if huffing so hard, they bounce. ]
No thanks!
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Sometimes it's like the guy might just die if he admits to even a single sentimental emotion within him. Which usually Inigo would call out, but.. well, he is trying to be a little gentle towards the other here, everything considered. An event like this isn't really the place to bicker.
So all Inigo does is let out an amused breath that sounds like it might have been a laugh under different circumstances before shaking his head. ]
So you'd rather spend time with Roland?
[ Even if he might not be Tidus's old man, Roland is still a very, very old man in a young man body. ]
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[ Please, Inigo, you're the only one who would be ecstatic to spend quality time with Roland in that fashion! Even if Tidus likes Roland, there's no way they'd get real enjoyment than being around people their own age.
...but this is distracting from the reason he said about hanging out, even if the longer he lingers on it (lingers on the thought of being around his parents) makes him apprehensive-- ]
-- A few hours. Okay? Just a few, with my folks. That's it. [ And then, 'cause he can, he nudges into Inigo playfully. ] You'd get more out of spending a whole day with any of your folks.
[ sap! ]
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.. who smiles, like he's amused at it being turned back around on him in such a way, but also shakes his head. ]
With my mother, sure. [ That much is so obvious that he doesn't mind admitting it. And he's well aware that Tidus knows that Inigo could hang around with Roland all day and have fun, despite the age difference. Inigo is just so weak when it comes to parental figures.
Or.. well. With one exception, huh. ]
But I don't know if I'd say the same about my father. I don't even know what I'd say to him.
[ Especially if it was his actual father. Not even the Chrom from the past. ]
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But Tidus knows things are complicated with Inigo's father. Isn't that the difficulty for them both? Even if there's a bigger barrier with Tidus and his mother - where he's always had plenty to say to his dad, but when it came to his mom-
(Why? is the question he doesn't want to ask. --Wasn't I...enough?) ]
You might think of something, if you had a few hours. [ ... It's stupid, doing this; thinking of mights or what ifs about Inigo's own family. But that's where they are, aren't they. ] You never really got to meet him, did you? 'Cept when you went to the past.
[ Does that dad count right now? ... Well. ]
You could tell him he didn't know what he was talking about, back then!
[ That's how it works, right. Tidus swings out a fist, the gesture and idea both silly in their deliveries. ]
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Of course your advice would be "go ahead and pick a fight with your father!" [ Nothing could possibly be more Tidus-y than that.
Especially since Inigo knows it's the sort of mood Tidus gets in around old men. He's seen Tidus do it with Roland so often.. Like it's instinct. Even though he gets that the other is joking here--
But that's exactly why Inigo just laughs right along. ]
You want me to get into a fight with the ruler of Ylisse himself?
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[ Tidus can tell Inigo's going along with him, so he gives him a mischievous smile, a glint in his eye. ]
He's only got a few hours to call it! That gives you plenty of time to run. And if he can't handle a punch from his own kid for being a bad dad, that says a lot about him.
[ Truthfully, the most wise of advice to be found. ]
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[ Even as they're just being playful. Messing around, joking.. he still can't quite say that, not even jokingly. Because the idea of giving his own father a punch is just much too weird to Inigo.
.. though that does make his mental train of thought screech to a halt for a moment.
Inigo's eyes widen as he looks over at Tidus, curiously asking: ]
Did.. you ever punch your father? [ He wouldn't put it past Tidus. ]
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Wellll... ] I wanted to. [ Absolutely. ] Most of my life. But at the end? Uhh... ... I had to fight him, [ which is a form...of punching...? ] But... I would've avoided it if I could.
[ You know - he never wanted to kill his old man. ]
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.. Inigo can't imagine it. His friend is much too good for that. His hand reaches out to pat Tidus's upper leg. ]
Of course you would have.
[ Avoided it, that is. Of course. Tidus is just like that.
Inigo's voice grows a little more quiet as he speaks on, less of a joking tone now in his voice. ] I guess it's kind of ironic though, huh. You didn't get to punch him when you wanted to, but then when you didn't want to do it.. [ He had to do worse. ]
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[ Does irony have to come up with killing one's pops? But there's nothing chastising to the remark, just more of a brush away from it, along with a raised brow and smirk to go with it, so Inigo doesn't feel bad about it.
Tidus turns his gaze, back out to the flowing water. ]
I got more than I thought I would. [ In the end. An honest truth. His dad was supposed to be dead, for all the mixed emotions and a son he left behind. ] We...patched things up. Got about as good as we were going to.
[ More than anyone got. And the thought leads his mind to the people of Zanarkand. What about them? They didn't get anything - there wasn't anything they could do for them.
But they're a hard topic to broach, his brow furrowing. What can he even do? Say? There's nothing he can do to make it better for them, for anyone in Spira now. It keeps him quiet, distracted. ]
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sneaks in a tag just for you ;)
😳
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we can probably wrap this one up here so we can have some room for delicious mission threads!!