Tidus, come on, our stuff is here! There's going to be so much stuff! Do you think I'm going to break my back hauling that around by myself? No way! I'm not going to be that fool! We're going to shove all of it into your Arms Band, come on!
[ A slight pause.
Then two more bangs. ]
Tidus?
[ Another moment of silence, then Inigo's voice grows less loud. ]
[ A much more respectful knock. A regular person knock. ]
.. Tidus? You're in there, right?
[ There's an almost pregnant pause, but the moment Inigo realises he's not getting an answer that easily, he continues. His words are a bit slow, like he has to turn them all over thrice in his head before he speaks them. ]
I.. heard. About Yuna, I mean. I'm sorry, I really should've noticed earlier, but you know, I never check the.. [ His voice trails off. ] Nevermind, that's not important. I just wanted to say that I'm here for you if you need it. It's so rough losing someone that important, I know, and-- and if there's anything I can do to help, I'll gladly do it, you know? Even if it's just being there with you.
[ There's another pause, longer this time, but no sound of footsteps. He hasn't walked away yet.
Then there's a faint, humorless laugh. ]
Or.. being on the other side of this door here. I can do that too. I know I shouldn't be assuming anything about what you're feeling right now, but.. you've at least got to be feeling rough, right? I.. I'll give you space if you need it, but..
[ He sucks in a breath. ]
Just. You know. If you need anything, let me know. Contact me. Come wake me up in the middle of the night tonight, I don't care. The moment you need someone, I'll be there, okay?
[ There's another moment of silence. It's almost awkward this time, something hesitant about it, before he finally breaks it with-- ]
So I'm going now. Away.. from.. the door. I mean. Ugh. But just let me know! Anytime is fine. I promise. So..
Hey. Good morning. .. If you're already up, that is. [ Not like he can tell from this side of the door. He even waits, just in case he might hear an answer, but as there's nothing-- ] But I guess I'll say it anyway, just in case you are up.
[ Even if he's going to look like a moron talking to a closed door! Whatever! ]
It's fine if you still need time to yourself today. But.. just in case you wanted some company, I thought I'd let you know where I'll be today, you know? So you don't have to go look everywhere while you're still feeling bad.
Um, I'm first off to spar with Gerome at the gym. He's been trying to learn how to handle using different weapons from the usual, so I've been practicing with him. You can join, if you want. I'll even let you make a dumb joke if he accidentally hits me right in the face. Or if you just want to quietly be there-- that's fine too. You've seen Gerome, he's not the type to harass anyone over being too quiet. Quite the opposite. [ Inigo laughs, and though it would sound convincing to most, there's something humorless about it. ] And then later on I should be in the library. I know-- library. Not like me at all, huh. It seems that Roland is busy practically making the place into his personal office though. So much paperwork. And someone's got to keep him company, right? Though you can come keep him company too, of course. I mean.. he'd like that. I think. But only if you're up to it! Or the two of us could eat dinner together, if that's better? Just you and me?
[ He exhales. ]
Of course it's fine if you don't turn up to any of it. Maybe I'm just annoying you right now, in which case.. I'm sorry. You can tell me to shut up, I won't get upset. I just..
[ His voice trails off.
For a moment it's quiet. ]
I just wanted to make sure you're not alone if you don't want to be. That's all. And I-- I'll go now. But you know where to find me.
Tidus? Uh.. I hope you got to eat the food Taiki and I made for you. I'm not sure how good it was, though.. I mean, it had Taiki's effort and affection in it, so it's got to at least have tasted fairly decent because of that, right? He seems so busy with thinking up ways to make you feel better, it's really sweet. I know by now you need space, but.. you know. Once you feel like you want to talk to someone again, consider making that person him. I think he's pretty worried about you.
[ We all are, he almost says, but that's a burden he doesn't want to put on Tidus's shoulders. Not while the other must be feeling so miserable, if he hasn't been out in the open for three days now. That's a long time.
That thought makes him think about how Tidus must be hurting so much, and here Inigo is, stupidly whining at his door like a dog. That's not what Tidus needs. He's quiet for a moment, forcing more pep and cheer into his voice, even though he's not really feeling any of it. But Inigo has mustered it up in much darker situations. He can do so here too. ]
Or if tomorrow happens to be the day you need some company and you can't find Taiki, I will most likely spend all day with Roland! [ Because the other is overworking himself to death with worries about most likely Tidus and Naga knows what else, and he'll skip all his meals if Inigo doesn't physically drag him away from his table in the library. But again, that's not information Tidus needs now. ] So that means we'll be in the new library car. Though I'd mention that. Just in case.
And if you require anything else, or if you'd prefer a different dish next time, just let me know! You can just leave a note if talking is too hard, that's fine with me. You know I'd do anything to help you.
[ There's a moment where he obviously lingers, a moment where he can't quite hide his awkwardness, but then his footsteps finally fade away. ]
[ To Inigo's credit, it seems he's managed to force the awkwardness and uncertainty out of his voice entirely as he knocks and starts speaking today. ]
Hey, Tidus? I don't know if you heard the shouting in the hall, but-- apparently some people are having a pillow fight or something like that. I mean, I've never heard of it before, but I assume the name very much indicates what it is, doesn't it? I bet you would have trashed everyone if you had participated, if I'm assuming correctly what it is. You're good at that kind of stuff. I'm not participating though, because.. [ -- he doesn't feel like he can keep up a smiling face around that many people for long enough while he's this worried. ] Well, I wanted to check up on you instead, I guess. Just for a bit. And you know how I am anyway, right? Good old Inigo has absolutely no clue how to have fun!
[ He laughs. It doesn't sound fake, but somehow it does feel like there's some mirth missing. ]
Oh, speaking of that. I.. forgot to mention it the last few days, I guess, but Roland gave me your gifts when we were taking stock of all the things in the luggage car. It.. Um, it means a lot to me. [ Inigo's voice seems to grow a little thicker. ] I.. I wish I could thank you more properly, since it's really sweet of you, but..
[ His voice trails off, and it sounds like he's sucking in a deep breath through his nose. ]
You know! I get it. You still need time. I know it must hurt so much, but.. you're doing great. Just hanging in there, day by day. That can be tough enough.
[ ... ]
Anyway, I'll let you be for today. Hang in there, Tidus.
Sorry, I'm a little early today. I was just.. [ .. going to make sure Roland didn't overwork and overworry himself at the same time right after this-- ] .. I guess I'm a little caught up in some things. But I still wanted to make sure to at least check up on you today.
[ He laughs, though it trails off a little awkwardly.
Then there's a moment of quiet, followed by a slight, quiet thud, like he moved to sit down. Let's hope no one else is trying to get to their room, or this is going to look real awkward. Thank god for breakfast time bringing most people out to the dining car all at once. ]
The last time we talked.. you said you wanted me to talk more sometime, right? About me. I don't think you exactly imagined doing that kind of thing under these circumstances, but.. you know. They're all we got right now. Maybe it might distract you a little? That's-- [ A little more quietly: ] that's what I thought, anyway.
[ He releases a breath. ]
You remember that time we talked about my mother, right? When I told you that I was closer with her than I ever was with my father? She.. She actually died. It wasn't just my father who died when I was that young. My mother died not too long after him. It wasn't as instantly either.. She slowly waned away, dying from illness. I was so young, I-- I hardly think I even understood what was happening until she was already dead.
[ There's some quiet, like Inigo needs to recompose himself before he can continue, keeping his voice steady. ]
It hurt a lot. Losing someone I cared for so much. Knowing that I'd never see her or talk with her ever again. But even though it hurt so much, or perhaps exactly because it hurt so much, I didn't want anyone to see it. But it was too hard to pretend to smile either, so I just retreated. I went to the flower fields we used to play in. [ Or what was left of them by that time, anyway. ] I snuck away by myself so often so I could dance by myself in front of her grave, wanting to feel like she was right there dancing with me.
.. In any case, I really don't want to presume anything about what you might feel. What you felt for Yuna and what I felt for my mother is very different. [ He laughs, though not with a lot of humor. ] Well, obviously. It'd be pretty disturbing otherwise. But I just.. I understand how much it hurts to lose someone.
[ It's a clearer parallel than with Yuki, he thinks. Because his mom had died when she still cared for him, whereas Inigo was fully convinced Yuki detested him by the time he left the train in the same way Yuna did. ]
And even though I retreated, I think a part of me kind of didn't want to be alone, even back then. I think being by myself or not talking had hurt more at times than it would have if I had just confessed to others what I felt or what I was thinking, if I had just allowed myself to be comforted. N-- Not that I'm saying that's the case with you. I genuinely believe you're strong, Tidus. Maybe you actually deal with this better this way. I wouldn't be surprised. I'm consistently amazed by you.
[ It's funny. He was able to get through the story of his mother alright, but now he can feel his throat getting thicker, making it harder to speak, his tone a little shakey. ]
I just didn't want to make the mistake of thinking that you would be fine either way. I'd rather have you get annoyed at me a million times over and tell me to get lost than realise too late that I left you alone during a time where you just might have needed someone to check up on you. Or talk to you. So-- I will keep doing this, okay? Even if you stay like this for a month, or two months, or until the day we both leave this train. I'll be here in case.. just in case you do want to talk. Or to just not feel totally alone.
[ There's a short pause, and then there's some slight shifting sounds, like he's standing up. ]
Sheesh, I really rambled. Are you trying to block me out with a pillow over your head yet? Probably, right? [ A small 'heh'. ] Make sure to eat something today. I'll be back tomorrow.
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blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
horseshoe 1 - 5, the puppy inigo saga
early horseshoe 1, while tidus is out there disappearing himself (for completeness' sake)
[ Loud banging on the door. ]
Tidus, come on, our stuff is here! There's going to be so much stuff! Do you think I'm going to break my back hauling that around by myself? No way! I'm not going to be that fool! We're going to shove all of it into your Arms Band, come on!
[ A slight pause.
Then two more bangs. ]
Tidus?
[ Another moment of silence, then Inigo's voice grows less loud. ]
.. seriously, not here either? Where is he?
later horseshoe 1
.. Tidus? You're in there, right?
[ There's an almost pregnant pause, but the moment Inigo realises he's not getting an answer that easily, he continues. His words are a bit slow, like he has to turn them all over thrice in his head before he speaks them. ]
I.. heard. About Yuna, I mean. I'm sorry, I really should've noticed earlier, but you know, I never check the.. [ His voice trails off. ] Nevermind, that's not important. I just wanted to say that I'm here for you if you need it. It's so rough losing someone that important, I know, and-- and if there's anything I can do to help, I'll gladly do it, you know? Even if it's just being there with you.
[ There's another pause, longer this time, but no sound of footsteps. He hasn't walked away yet.
Then there's a faint, humorless laugh. ]
Or.. being on the other side of this door here. I can do that too. I know I shouldn't be assuming anything about what you're feeling right now, but.. you've at least got to be feeling rough, right? I.. I'll give you space if you need it, but..
[ He sucks in a breath. ]
Just. You know. If you need anything, let me know. Contact me. Come wake me up in the middle of the night tonight, I don't care. The moment you need someone, I'll be there, okay?
[ There's another moment of silence. It's almost awkward this time, something hesitant about it, before he finally breaks it with-- ]
So I'm going now. Away.. from.. the door. I mean. Ugh. But just let me know! Anytime is fine. I promise. So..
.. um. See you.
horseshoe 2, mid-late morning
Hey. Good morning. .. If you're already up, that is. [ Not like he can tell from this side of the door. He even waits, just in case he might hear an answer, but as there's nothing-- ] But I guess I'll say it anyway, just in case you are up.
[ Even if he's going to look like a moron talking to a closed door! Whatever! ]
It's fine if you still need time to yourself today. But.. just in case you wanted some company, I thought I'd let you know where I'll be today, you know? So you don't have to go look everywhere while you're still feeling bad.
Um, I'm first off to spar with Gerome at the gym. He's been trying to learn how to handle using different weapons from the usual, so I've been practicing with him. You can join, if you want. I'll even let you make a dumb joke if he accidentally hits me right in the face. Or if you just want to quietly be there-- that's fine too. You've seen Gerome, he's not the type to harass anyone over being too quiet. Quite the opposite. [ Inigo laughs, and though it would sound convincing to most, there's something humorless about it. ] And then later on I should be in the library. I know-- library. Not like me at all, huh. It seems that Roland is busy practically making the place into his personal office though. So much paperwork. And someone's got to keep him company, right? Though you can come keep him company too, of course. I mean.. he'd like that. I think. But only if you're up to it! Or the two of us could eat dinner together, if that's better? Just you and me?
[ He exhales. ]
Of course it's fine if you don't turn up to any of it. Maybe I'm just annoying you right now, in which case.. I'm sorry. You can tell me to shut up, I won't get upset. I just..
[ His voice trails off.
For a moment it's quiet. ]
I just wanted to make sure you're not alone if you don't want to be. That's all. And I-- I'll go now. But you know where to find me.
horseshoe 3, later/evening
[ We all are, he almost says, but that's a burden he doesn't want to put on Tidus's shoulders. Not while the other must be feeling so miserable, if he hasn't been out in the open for three days now. That's a long time.
That thought makes him think about how Tidus must be hurting so much, and here Inigo is, stupidly whining at his door like a dog. That's not what Tidus needs. He's quiet for a moment, forcing more pep and cheer into his voice, even though he's not really feeling any of it. But Inigo has mustered it up in much darker situations. He can do so here too. ]
Or if tomorrow happens to be the day you need some company and you can't find Taiki, I will most likely spend all day with Roland! [ Because the other is overworking himself to death with worries about most likely Tidus and Naga knows what else, and he'll skip all his meals if Inigo doesn't physically drag him away from his table in the library. But again, that's not information Tidus needs now. ] So that means we'll be in the new library car. Though I'd mention that. Just in case.
And if you require anything else, or if you'd prefer a different dish next time, just let me know! You can just leave a note if talking is too hard, that's fine with me. You know I'd do anything to help you.
[ There's a moment where he obviously lingers, a moment where he can't quite hide his awkwardness, but then his footsteps finally fade away. ]
horseshoe 4
Hey, Tidus? I don't know if you heard the shouting in the hall, but-- apparently some people are having a pillow fight or something like that. I mean, I've never heard of it before, but I assume the name very much indicates what it is, doesn't it? I bet you would have trashed everyone if you had participated, if I'm assuming correctly what it is. You're good at that kind of stuff. I'm not participating though, because.. [ -- he doesn't feel like he can keep up a smiling face around that many people for long enough while he's this worried. ] Well, I wanted to check up on you instead, I guess. Just for a bit. And you know how I am anyway, right? Good old Inigo has absolutely no clue how to have fun!
[ He laughs. It doesn't sound fake, but somehow it does feel like there's some mirth missing. ]
Oh, speaking of that. I.. forgot to mention it the last few days, I guess, but Roland gave me your gifts when we were taking stock of all the things in the luggage car. It.. Um, it means a lot to me. [ Inigo's voice seems to grow a little thicker. ] I.. I wish I could thank you more properly, since it's really sweet of you, but..
[ His voice trails off, and it sounds like he's sucking in a deep breath through his nose. ]
You know! I get it. You still need time. I know it must hurt so much, but.. you're doing great. Just hanging in there, day by day. That can be tough enough.
[ ... ]
Anyway, I'll let you be for today. Hang in there, Tidus.
horseshoe 5, pre-nita's icp message
[ He laughs, though it trails off a little awkwardly.
Then there's a moment of quiet, followed by a slight, quiet thud, like he moved to sit down. Let's hope no one else is trying to get to their room, or this is going to look real awkward. Thank god for breakfast time bringing most people out to the dining car all at once. ]
The last time we talked.. you said you wanted me to talk more sometime, right? About me. I don't think you exactly imagined doing that kind of thing under these circumstances, but.. you know. They're all we got right now. Maybe it might distract you a little? That's-- [ A little more quietly: ] that's what I thought, anyway.
[ He releases a breath. ]
You remember that time we talked about my mother, right? When I told you that I was closer with her than I ever was with my father? She.. She actually died. It wasn't just my father who died when I was that young. My mother died not too long after him. It wasn't as instantly either.. She slowly waned away, dying from illness. I was so young, I-- I hardly think I even understood what was happening until she was already dead.
[ There's some quiet, like Inigo needs to recompose himself before he can continue, keeping his voice steady. ]
It hurt a lot. Losing someone I cared for so much. Knowing that I'd never see her or talk with her ever again. But even though it hurt so much, or perhaps exactly because it hurt so much, I didn't want anyone to see it. But it was too hard to pretend to smile either, so I just retreated. I went to the flower fields we used to play in. [ Or what was left of them by that time, anyway. ] I snuck away by myself so often so I could dance by myself in front of her grave, wanting to feel like she was right there dancing with me.
.. In any case, I really don't want to presume anything about what you might feel. What you felt for Yuna and what I felt for my mother is very different. [ He laughs, though not with a lot of humor. ] Well, obviously. It'd be pretty disturbing otherwise. But I just.. I understand how much it hurts to lose someone.
[ It's a clearer parallel than with Yuki, he thinks. Because his mom had died when she still cared for him, whereas Inigo was fully convinced Yuki detested him by the time he left the train in the same way Yuna did. ]
And even though I retreated, I think a part of me kind of didn't want to be alone, even back then. I think being by myself or not talking had hurt more at times than it would have if I had just confessed to others what I felt or what I was thinking, if I had just allowed myself to be comforted. N-- Not that I'm saying that's the case with you. I genuinely believe you're strong, Tidus. Maybe you actually deal with this better this way. I wouldn't be surprised. I'm consistently amazed by you.
[ It's funny. He was able to get through the story of his mother alright, but now he can feel his throat getting thicker, making it harder to speak, his tone a little shakey. ]
I just didn't want to make the mistake of thinking that you would be fine either way. I'd rather have you get annoyed at me a million times over and tell me to get lost than realise too late that I left you alone during a time where you just might have needed someone to check up on you. Or talk to you. So-- I will keep doing this, okay? Even if you stay like this for a month, or two months, or until the day we both leave this train. I'll be here in case.. just in case you do want to talk. Or to just not feel totally alone.
[ There's a short pause, and then there's some slight shifting sounds, like he's standing up. ]
Sheesh, I really rambled. Are you trying to block me out with a pillow over your head yet? Probably, right? [ A small 'heh'. ] Make sure to eat something today. I'll be back tomorrow.