Sorry, I'm a little early today. I was just.. [ .. going to make sure Roland didn't overwork and overworry himself at the same time right after this-- ] .. I guess I'm a little caught up in some things. But I still wanted to make sure to at least check up on you today.
[ He laughs, though it trails off a little awkwardly.
Then there's a moment of quiet, followed by a slight, quiet thud, like he moved to sit down. Let's hope no one else is trying to get to their room, or this is going to look real awkward. Thank god for breakfast time bringing most people out to the dining car all at once. ]
The last time we talked.. you said you wanted me to talk more sometime, right? About me. I don't think you exactly imagined doing that kind of thing under these circumstances, but.. you know. They're all we got right now. Maybe it might distract you a little? That's-- [ A little more quietly: ] that's what I thought, anyway.
[ He releases a breath. ]
You remember that time we talked about my mother, right? When I told you that I was closer with her than I ever was with my father? She.. She actually died. It wasn't just my father who died when I was that young. My mother died not too long after him. It wasn't as instantly either.. She slowly waned away, dying from illness. I was so young, I-- I hardly think I even understood what was happening until she was already dead.
[ There's some quiet, like Inigo needs to recompose himself before he can continue, keeping his voice steady. ]
It hurt a lot. Losing someone I cared for so much. Knowing that I'd never see her or talk with her ever again. But even though it hurt so much, or perhaps exactly because it hurt so much, I didn't want anyone to see it. But it was too hard to pretend to smile either, so I just retreated. I went to the flower fields we used to play in. [ Or what was left of them by that time, anyway. ] I snuck away by myself so often so I could dance by myself in front of her grave, wanting to feel like she was right there dancing with me.
.. In any case, I really don't want to presume anything about what you might feel. What you felt for Yuna and what I felt for my mother is very different. [ He laughs, though not with a lot of humor. ] Well, obviously. It'd be pretty disturbing otherwise. But I just.. I understand how much it hurts to lose someone.
[ It's a clearer parallel than with Yuki, he thinks. Because his mom had died when she still cared for him, whereas Inigo was fully convinced Yuki detested him by the time he left the train in the same way Yuna did. ]
And even though I retreated, I think a part of me kind of didn't want to be alone, even back then. I think being by myself or not talking had hurt more at times than it would have if I had just confessed to others what I felt or what I was thinking, if I had just allowed myself to be comforted. N-- Not that I'm saying that's the case with you. I genuinely believe you're strong, Tidus. Maybe you actually deal with this better this way. I wouldn't be surprised. I'm consistently amazed by you.
[ It's funny. He was able to get through the story of his mother alright, but now he can feel his throat getting thicker, making it harder to speak, his tone a little shakey. ]
I just didn't want to make the mistake of thinking that you would be fine either way. I'd rather have you get annoyed at me a million times over and tell me to get lost than realise too late that I left you alone during a time where you just might have needed someone to check up on you. Or talk to you. So-- I will keep doing this, okay? Even if you stay like this for a month, or two months, or until the day we both leave this train. I'll be here in case.. just in case you do want to talk. Or to just not feel totally alone.
[ There's a short pause, and then there's some slight shifting sounds, like he's standing up. ]
Sheesh, I really rambled. Are you trying to block me out with a pillow over your head yet? Probably, right? [ A small 'heh'. ] Make sure to eat something today. I'll be back tomorrow.
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blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
horseshoe 5, pre-nita's icp message
[ He laughs, though it trails off a little awkwardly.
Then there's a moment of quiet, followed by a slight, quiet thud, like he moved to sit down. Let's hope no one else is trying to get to their room, or this is going to look real awkward. Thank god for breakfast time bringing most people out to the dining car all at once. ]
The last time we talked.. you said you wanted me to talk more sometime, right? About me. I don't think you exactly imagined doing that kind of thing under these circumstances, but.. you know. They're all we got right now. Maybe it might distract you a little? That's-- [ A little more quietly: ] that's what I thought, anyway.
[ He releases a breath. ]
You remember that time we talked about my mother, right? When I told you that I was closer with her than I ever was with my father? She.. She actually died. It wasn't just my father who died when I was that young. My mother died not too long after him. It wasn't as instantly either.. She slowly waned away, dying from illness. I was so young, I-- I hardly think I even understood what was happening until she was already dead.
[ There's some quiet, like Inigo needs to recompose himself before he can continue, keeping his voice steady. ]
It hurt a lot. Losing someone I cared for so much. Knowing that I'd never see her or talk with her ever again. But even though it hurt so much, or perhaps exactly because it hurt so much, I didn't want anyone to see it. But it was too hard to pretend to smile either, so I just retreated. I went to the flower fields we used to play in. [ Or what was left of them by that time, anyway. ] I snuck away by myself so often so I could dance by myself in front of her grave, wanting to feel like she was right there dancing with me.
.. In any case, I really don't want to presume anything about what you might feel. What you felt for Yuna and what I felt for my mother is very different. [ He laughs, though not with a lot of humor. ] Well, obviously. It'd be pretty disturbing otherwise. But I just.. I understand how much it hurts to lose someone.
[ It's a clearer parallel than with Yuki, he thinks. Because his mom had died when she still cared for him, whereas Inigo was fully convinced Yuki detested him by the time he left the train in the same way Yuna did. ]
And even though I retreated, I think a part of me kind of didn't want to be alone, even back then. I think being by myself or not talking had hurt more at times than it would have if I had just confessed to others what I felt or what I was thinking, if I had just allowed myself to be comforted. N-- Not that I'm saying that's the case with you. I genuinely believe you're strong, Tidus. Maybe you actually deal with this better this way. I wouldn't be surprised. I'm consistently amazed by you.
[ It's funny. He was able to get through the story of his mother alright, but now he can feel his throat getting thicker, making it harder to speak, his tone a little shakey. ]
I just didn't want to make the mistake of thinking that you would be fine either way. I'd rather have you get annoyed at me a million times over and tell me to get lost than realise too late that I left you alone during a time where you just might have needed someone to check up on you. Or talk to you. So-- I will keep doing this, okay? Even if you stay like this for a month, or two months, or until the day we both leave this train. I'll be here in case.. just in case you do want to talk. Or to just not feel totally alone.
[ There's a short pause, and then there's some slight shifting sounds, like he's standing up. ]
Sheesh, I really rambled. Are you trying to block me out with a pillow over your head yet? Probably, right? [ A small 'heh'. ] Make sure to eat something today. I'll be back tomorrow.