The possibility - it hadn't quite come to Tidus. Some part of him knowing, but the danger being more real to him than Senku walking around without one on in the time before he returned back to the train last mission. And Tidus is glad, deep down; his hands balling into fists as he sees the SCA coming off, all to keep himself from grabbing at Inigo, stopping him. But then nothing comes, and - and he's glad, but it's not relief Tidus experiences the most.
Because the anxiety keeps on clinging around his shoulders, pushing down on his chest. And if it wasn't for that, what else would he be feeling? All he admitted, and he didn't even have to. ]
Mmm. [ He's almost forgotten that this is a test - that Inigo will want to keep it off longer than for a minute or so, and remembers too about the language differences, and he raises his arm to turn on the countdown on his SCA.
[ Inigo might not have noticed what Tidus was trying to point out to him if not for the sound. He isn't looking in the other's direction, after all, but the quiet ticking makes him raise his face to look over at it.
And then it's a gesture he understands without words. It's the same thing Taiki did to him before, after all, that one time when he was determined to keep working during the mission when he should have been resting.
There's no fight left in Inigo after the exchange they had right before the SCA came off, so he doesn't protest. Whatever. If Tidus wants him to put it back on after the countdown is over, he will.
The problem is what comes after that. When they can communicate again. Inigo has no idea what to do then.
But the countdown keeps ticking down, unrelenting, as Inigo stares right at it. ]
[ It's not the first uncomfortable silence between them. Not the first unsatisfying end to a discussion, and Tidus knows there's nothing else he can do but sit and wait. Idly playing with the idea of taking off his own SCA, letting Inigo do it for him, but neither thought possessing a backbone. What would that prove alone?
The SCA ticks, and ticks, and ticks. He props up his arm he doesn't have to hold it up, and when it gets down to about twenty or so seconds, Tidus looks over at Inigo, wants to ask 'Isn't that long enough?', but decides to hold in his impatience.
Until the device finally beeps as it would in warning, and his gaze on Inigo holds better, firmer, waiting so he can ask- ]
[ The SCA beeps. Tidus's lips move, though Inigo can't tell what he's saying, the words sounding like total gibberish as they come across the other's lips. It'd be a strange experience, if not for the fact that Inigo has already spent an entire day like this before, watching people talk without understanding what's being said. He assumes Tidus is asking if he's alright from context, but since he has no way to be sure, he refrains from answering, just to avoid answering the wrong question.
Instead Inigo grabs his own SCA off the ground, putting it back onto his wrist. For a moment he's quiet, but then he just says: ] Um. So that was.. anticlimactic.
[ To say the least.
But Inigo knows it's not the most important part here. Maybe it would have been better if he did just die there, just fall onto the ground, lifeless. It would have saved him from not knowing what to do now. Not to say. It feels wrong to not address anything that came before this.
But what does he say? Does he want to wait for Tidus to say something first? No - he's already been a coward once today. He can't get two strikes. ]
I.. I'm sorry, Tidus. I must have sounded uncaring a moment ago, when it was just that.. I didn't know what to say. I felt stupidly worried. [ Maybe that's just what he should say. Just the truth, no matter how dumb it is. No matter how stupid Inigo knows his own feelings to be, about 99% of the time. ] It felt like maybe we weren't close enough to share everything after all. And-- I don't mean to say you have to. I mean, part of it is just me being worried about you dealing with everything all by yourself too, no matter how hard it is..
[ This isn't about guilting Tidus, or forcing him, though Inigo worries about it. He just wants to make his feelings clear, to try and keep them from having another dumb misunderstanding. He's learned. He's trying. ]
I just started worrying. [ ... ] You know how I am.
[ He isn't expecting the confession as it flows out, the apology in the form in it takes. Ready to start standing on the heels on Inigo's earlier remark, a short hum all Tidus has to give it. But he pauses, holds; listens to what Inigo has to say, a truth that he could have guessed if he wanted to, or tried.
Tidus reaches out, resting a hand on Inigo's shoulder to squeeze it. ]
If we weren't as close as we are, I wouldn't care about telling you. [ That much it is easy to admit. He has been telling it, and maybe it isn't fair. But he can't deal with fair - not right now. ] But we are, so that's why I need more time.
[ Reassurances fill his mouth, pushing against the tip of his tongue. Tidus breathe them out, not wanting to make this any bigger than it's already been. Lifting himself up finally onto his feet, extending his hand to Inigo. ]
I trust you, I do. Just... let me think about it. Give me some time. Okay?
[ Because as said, Inigo isn't going to force him. Wouldn't dream of doing that. Especially when it's apparently something so important to Tidus - though it's a little strange. What can't he tell them exactly because they're so close? Does that mean he also didn't tell Roland? Or Taiki? The other two people they're mutally the closest to? Has he been telling other people on this train? (Not that Inigo is going to ask around to try and dig up the secret hanging between them.)
So even though he still feels a little nervous, he does grasp that hand that's being offered to him. His own hand may shake just a little because of it. ]
I mean.. I trust you too. [ So he also trusts him to make a genuine effort in being able to tell him some day. ] Why else would I have asked you to come here and do this with me..?
[ Even above the other people Inigo is close with. ]
It's since I believe that-- [ He pauses, shakes his head and continues. ] That even when we hurt each other, or worry each other, we can talk it out somehow. [ If not just since they learned from Irivar. The exact knowledge born from experience that Inigo tried to put to practice right now - trying to talk, even if it sounds dumb, rather than keeping it all to himself. ] I don't have to worry about freaking you out as much since I know we'll pull through.
[ There's a tangle in his throat, threads made up of words and half-conjured thoughts, but nothing that can unknot, figure out what they're meant to be - what it is Tidus wants to say. Someone who likes to hurry on, get things sorted out and done, practicing a patience that has him opening and closing his mouth a few times noiselessly, until the small release of breath with the hang of his head. ]
We can. Nothing's changed. [ Right? Can he say that, and have it be the truth? Eyes lifting to meet Inigo's; not searching for a reassurance, but displaying his belief. ] If you had a secret that you couldn't tell me - it'd be fine with it. So long as you weren't hurting yourself, you know?
[ The sound he lets out is mirthful, though still light. ]
No keeping life-threatening illnesses or hiding wounds to yourself, alright?
[ Inigo searches those eyes when Tidus looks at him. As if he may see what the other is hiding, or what keeps him doing that even at a moment like this.
But then he lets it go. Instead he just holds out his hand in offer, and if Tidus grabs it, Inigo will pull him in with it for a quick brohug. ]
Trust me, there's nothing left I'm hiding from you. If there's anything you don't know, it's just because it hasn't come up yet. [ After all, he's already told Tidus the worst of it. The things he tends to keep to himself the most. Then why should he bother hiding anything else?
He releases Tidus again, his own tone now turning a bit lighter too, just so Tidus doesn't take it as a guilt trip. It's not meant to be. ]
But if you insist on knowing aaaaall the details about the toe I stubbed on one of those dumb suddenly appearing walls earlier today, I can tell you all about it.
[ Tidus keeps Inigo's gaze for as long as it holds, not willing to coward out; leaving it to Inigo to take what he can, to find reassurance in a look. Thinks even less about accepting the offered hand, because what else is he meant to do - not take it? Even if the hug isn't expected, the wrap of the arm over his shoulders, a little startling for his feet.
Unexpected, but this is fine, too. 'There's nothing left I'm hiding from you'. He doesn't think often about the secrets of the people he likes, but there's a comfort to those words, spoken close to his ear with Inigo's face near to the side of his. And only his secret was anything else, anything at all, then Tidus knows he'd freely give up his too. If only his secret didn't matter; if he didn't already know the shape it would take. The pain of it.
If only he was ready. But - not today.
He smiles, a chuckle behind a closed mouth, a small tip of his head. ]
Just a toe? You haven't fallen off one yet? Me and Gibbs've been trying some water slides up them! Still working on the landing, though.
[ Casually, departing from the dour mood from just moments ago, Tidus takes a few steps that linger, but show a readiness to get going. They still had a mission to do, after all - a distraction to fall into, to leave this moment where it was and to move on ahead.
Or, well, almost. Inigo stops for a moment after taking a step, glancing back at his shoulder, back over to the spot they were sitting at just a moment ago. Like he, too, is trying really hard to leave that moment right there.
.. even though Inigo already knows he's going to worry about it, if not just a little, by the time he'll go lie down to try and rest.
But for now he just smiles at Tidus as he jogs a few steps to catch up with the other, starting to move on to the rest of their mission. Starting to happily chatter and joke about how Tidus shouldn't break his spine falling off waterfall walls.
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blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
no subject
The possibility - it hadn't quite come to Tidus. Some part of him knowing, but the danger being more real to him than Senku walking around without one on in the time before he returned back to the train last mission. And Tidus is glad, deep down; his hands balling into fists as he sees the SCA coming off, all to keep himself from grabbing at Inigo, stopping him. But then nothing comes, and - and he's glad, but it's not relief Tidus experiences the most.
Because the anxiety keeps on clinging around his shoulders, pushing down on his chest. And if it wasn't for that, what else would he be feeling? All he admitted, and he didn't even have to. ]
Mmm. [ He's almost forgotten that this is a test - that Inigo will want to keep it off longer than for a minute or so, and remembers too about the language differences, and he raises his arm to turn on the countdown on his SCA.
It quietly ticks. ]
no subject
And then it's a gesture he understands without words. It's the same thing Taiki did to him before, after all, that one time when he was determined to keep working during the mission when he should have been resting.
There's no fight left in Inigo after the exchange they had right before the SCA came off, so he doesn't protest. Whatever. If Tidus wants him to put it back on after the countdown is over, he will.
The problem is what comes after that. When they can communicate again. Inigo has no idea what to do then.
But the countdown keeps ticking down, unrelenting, as Inigo stares right at it. ]
no subject
The SCA ticks, and ticks, and ticks. He props up his arm he doesn't have to hold it up, and when it gets down to about twenty or so seconds, Tidus looks over at Inigo, wants to ask 'Isn't that long enough?', but decides to hold in his impatience.
Until the device finally beeps as it would in warning, and his gaze on Inigo holds better, firmer, waiting so he can ask- ]
Do you feel okay?
no subject
Instead Inigo grabs his own SCA off the ground, putting it back onto his wrist. For a moment he's quiet, but then he just says: ] Um. So that was.. anticlimactic.
[ To say the least.
But Inigo knows it's not the most important part here. Maybe it would have been better if he did just die there, just fall onto the ground, lifeless. It would have saved him from not knowing what to do now. Not to say. It feels wrong to not address anything that came before this.
But what does he say? Does he want to wait for Tidus to say something first? No - he's already been a coward once today. He can't get two strikes. ]
I.. I'm sorry, Tidus. I must have sounded uncaring a moment ago, when it was just that.. I didn't know what to say. I felt stupidly worried. [ Maybe that's just what he should say. Just the truth, no matter how dumb it is. No matter how stupid Inigo knows his own feelings to be, about 99% of the time. ] It felt like maybe we weren't close enough to share everything after all. And-- I don't mean to say you have to. I mean, part of it is just me being worried about you dealing with everything all by yourself too, no matter how hard it is..
[ This isn't about guilting Tidus, or forcing him, though Inigo worries about it. He just wants to make his feelings clear, to try and keep them from having another dumb misunderstanding. He's learned. He's trying. ]
I just started worrying. [ ... ] You know how I am.
no subject
Tidus reaches out, resting a hand on Inigo's shoulder to squeeze it. ]
If we weren't as close as we are, I wouldn't care about telling you. [ That much it is easy to admit. He has been telling it, and maybe it isn't fair. But he can't deal with fair - not right now. ] But we are, so that's why I need more time.
[ Reassurances fill his mouth, pushing against the tip of his tongue. Tidus breathe them out, not wanting to make this any bigger than it's already been. Lifting himself up finally onto his feet, extending his hand to Inigo. ]
I trust you, I do. Just... let me think about it. Give me some time. Okay?
no subject
[ Because as said, Inigo isn't going to force him. Wouldn't dream of doing that. Especially when it's apparently something so important to Tidus - though it's a little strange. What can't he tell them exactly because they're so close? Does that mean he also didn't tell Roland? Or Taiki? The other two people they're mutally the closest to? Has he been telling other people on this train? (Not that Inigo is going to ask around to try and dig up the secret hanging between them.)
So even though he still feels a little nervous, he does grasp that hand that's being offered to him. His own hand may shake just a little because of it. ]
I mean.. I trust you too. [ So he also trusts him to make a genuine effort in being able to tell him some day. ] Why else would I have asked you to come here and do this with me..?
[ Even above the other people Inigo is close with. ]
It's since I believe that-- [ He pauses, shakes his head and continues. ] That even when we hurt each other, or worry each other, we can talk it out somehow. [ If not just since they learned from Irivar. The exact knowledge born from experience that Inigo tried to put to practice right now - trying to talk, even if it sounds dumb, rather than keeping it all to himself. ] I don't have to worry about freaking you out as much since I know we'll pull through.
no subject
We can. Nothing's changed. [ Right? Can he say that, and have it be the truth? Eyes lifting to meet Inigo's; not searching for a reassurance, but displaying his belief. ] If you had a secret that you couldn't tell me - it'd be fine with it. So long as you weren't hurting yourself, you know?
[ The sound he lets out is mirthful, though still light. ]
No keeping life-threatening illnesses or hiding wounds to yourself, alright?
no subject
But then he lets it go. Instead he just holds out his hand in offer, and if Tidus grabs it, Inigo will pull him in with it for a quick brohug. ]
Trust me, there's nothing left I'm hiding from you. If there's anything you don't know, it's just because it hasn't come up yet. [ After all, he's already told Tidus the worst of it. The things he tends to keep to himself the most. Then why should he bother hiding anything else?
He releases Tidus again, his own tone now turning a bit lighter too, just so Tidus doesn't take it as a guilt trip. It's not meant to be. ]
But if you insist on knowing aaaaall the details about the toe I stubbed on one of those dumb suddenly appearing walls earlier today, I can tell you all about it.
no subject
Unexpected, but this is fine, too. 'There's nothing left I'm hiding from you'. He doesn't think often about the secrets of the people he likes, but there's a comfort to those words, spoken close to his ear with Inigo's face near to the side of his. And only his secret was anything else, anything at all, then Tidus knows he'd freely give up his too. If only his secret didn't matter; if he didn't already know the shape it would take. The pain of it.
If only he was ready. But - not today.
He smiles, a chuckle behind a closed mouth, a small tip of his head. ]
Just a toe? You haven't fallen off one yet? Me and Gibbs've been trying some water slides up them! Still working on the landing, though.
[ Casually, departing from the dour mood from just moments ago, Tidus takes a few steps that linger, but show a readiness to get going. They still had a mission to do, after all - a distraction to fall into, to leave this moment where it was and to move on ahead.
As soon as Inigo was ready, too. ]
no subject
Or, well, almost. Inigo stops for a moment after taking a step, glancing back at his shoulder, back over to the spot they were sitting at just a moment ago. Like he, too, is trying really hard to leave that moment right there.
.. even though Inigo already knows he's going to worry about it, if not just a little, by the time he'll go lie down to try and rest.
But for now he just smiles at Tidus as he jogs a few steps to catch up with the other, starting to move on to the rest of their mission. Starting to happily chatter and joke about how Tidus shouldn't break his spine falling off waterfall walls.
Back to the usual. ]