[ There's no way he's going to stop crying now, is there.
Sure, there's a bit of a tonal shift - especially with his shirt being half moved down again, in a clumsy best effort by Tidus's one hand, and with the increasing sappiness of the words that are being said. But Inigo doesn't mind, because it's still overwhelming. Just in a different way. A way that makes his heart overflow with emotion, rendering him unable to say anything at all to all of those words at first.
Instead he just moves to cling back tightly to Tidus as the other embraces him. Inigo can feel the tears clinging to his eyelashes, starting to spill out all over again as he repeats the words Tidus said over and over in his head.
At least I got to be trapped with you. Even though Inigo knows how much Tidus hates this whole situation. Because he's seen it. The anger and the frustration over the months, the desperation in the other's eyes as he pleaded with Anan. At least I got to know what life could be like. Then let's have that life, Tidus, come on, just come to Ylisse if going home means--
Rather than words, the only sound coming from Inigo is just a sharp breath being drawn between the tears, his hands desperately gripping onto Tidus, not caring if their remaining roommate may walk in to see them like this. Right now, she doesn't exist. Nothing exists, just the two of them.
Just.. ]
I know.
[ It's said with a sob, but it's then repeated: ]
I know, Tidus. [ He doesn't want there to be another misunderstanding. He doesn't want to deliver Tidus more pain when the other has been through enough after being completely thrown out of his comfortable life. ] I'm sorry that I acted so stupidly after the mission. I didn't mean--
[ Inigo shakes his head. ]
You're.. you're just as important to me as he was, okay? [ For reasons that are obvious to Inigo.
But even if that side to it didn't exist, even just taking that statement at face value with just them as best friends - it's still not untrue, is it? Just the thought of Tidus being the one to walk off the train one day is enough to make him feel like he's been cut off from all air. ] I mean it.
[ He'll choke if he speaks too soon, the rising emotion in the back of his throat, the comfort of this embrace, to be embraced; one that's as much for himself as it is the other. Two souls lost on a train with no clear end to it, clinging on to what they have.
So he needs a moment, before he pulls back his head, to have room to speak that won't be muffled against Inigo's chest. He wants to look him in the eyes, but there's a tinge of embarrassment, to choose to bring himself this low, to have to look up. So he keeps his eyes on his chest, a heavy smile on his lips, though all he's looking at is Inigo's body. ]
I don't need to be that special. [ There's some light mirth to it, a weight to the words, a slight crack to them. He chuckles, and sniffs. There's no tears rolling down his face, but he can feel his eyes wanting to change that, if they could. ] But... you don't need to apologise. For being unsure, you know? It's okay. And-- whatever you wanna do now, we can, [ he assures quietly, ] but, we'll do it later. When you're feeling better. More like yourself.
[ When he isn't grieving for a mother gone, looking for any way to forget. ]
You don't need to feel bad about it. And if you believe me, then- I won't either.
[ Because they'll never accept one being free of guilt without the other, right? You can't bully my friend--Inigo's used those words against him before. ]
[ This time it doesn't hurt his chest the way it did back there, at the end of the mission. This time he gets it - Inigo knows that he's spurred on by the heavy emotions of any platform day, let alone the particular platform day where his mother walked off the train and through the gates, to a destination unknown.
It can wait until later. He can wait until later, even though just that 'later' makes his heart hop a little bit. ]
I won't feel bad about it.
[ His voice is a little quiet as he says it, but he means it. Especially since Tidus is saying he'll do the same. It feels extra important today, or they'll just weigh themselves down with even more negative feelings. They ought to try and cast off everything they can.
But he doesn't want to leave it at just that. Inigo tries to shift a little, making sure he can clearly look at Tidus, rather than staring at something else like the way Tidus's eyes seem glued to his chest. (It's shifting in such a way that he doesn't release Tidus from the embrace though. He wants to hold him a little longer, stay like this a little longer..
.. but he does have something important to add in response to what Tidus himself is saying. ]
And I-- I know. That you don't need to be. [ Inigo knows Tidus wouldn't ask for it, that he - perhaps more than anyone - understands and respects the place Yuki held or holds in his heart, even though Tidus hardly knew the guy before he disappeared off the train.
But even so.. Inigo knows the truth contained within his own heart.
He sniffs, the tears still pricking at his eyes. ]
But you already are.
[ That special. That important.
Inigo wouldn't want him to doubt that, not even for a moment. ]
[ There's a shyness as Inigo comes to meet his face, and it wouldn't linger, not by itself, except for the way that Inigo decides to conclude his reassurance. 'But you already are.'
Tidus doesn't clock in what Inigo' referring to until those words, and his smile grimaces in that embarrassed way, eyes looking elsewhere, head trying to tilt area when it's stuck on a bed in a fussy, self-conscious display.
So he goes for the next best thing by giving Inigo a friendly punch on the shoulder. ]
What am I supposed to say to that? [ He asks in faux accusation, a breath of laughter following it. Tipping his forward after, to rest against Inigo's. ]
...We're going to be okay.
[ It's a sentiment that might be more important, more needed than anything else right now; shared eventually, and reassuringly.
And Tidus believes in it, at least in this moment. They'll be okay; they're going to be fine.
[ There's a bit of a whine in response to the knock against his shoulder, but it's just as fake as Tidus's own accusation, and it's very soft to begin with. Like he's more playfully going along with it - even though he's still half in tears - than anything else.
But the words that follow after make him grow quiet. Especially since there's always that little voice of doubt in the back of his head. Will they be okay? Really? Even though they're stuck on a train that only seems to take and take and take from them? When they're watching the people they care for leave one by one, without even being able to tell for sure that they'll be okay?
Inigo doesn't know. He can't believe as easily when he has so much worry in his heart.
But..
After a few moments of silence, he squeezes Tidus a little in their embrace. ]
Is it okay if we.. sleep like this?
[ It's vague on purpose, as if Inigo doesn't care whether it's taken as a nap now, or sleeping like this tonight. It's not the important part here. What's important is being this close to Tidus, wrapped up together with him. ]
It.. um. [ He pauses, his cheeks pink. ] It feels a bit more like it's going to be okay like this.
[ With Tidus right there with him. That's why he's asking in the first place. ]
You tired? [ It's remarked with some surprise, though short-lived as he concedes, ] Crying's tiring stuff.
[ From what he remembers... ... ... okay, knows. Tidus toys with how well he'll get to sleep himself, but even as he does that internally- ]
I don't have anything to do. I gotta show Senku some stuff, but we said we'd meet later. New people are gonna be walking around, and dinner isn't for ages. [ His eyes have been looking upward as he runs down the list, at that point coming down to settle on Inigo, his head shifting to give him the room to do so. ]
So I guess a nap's not so bad. [ A beat. ] You wanna go to the gym later, whenever we wake up? We can practice some flips; some jumping and running'll be easy.
[ It's not a thought he figures Inigo will be that interested in, maybe worth a hum at most. He offers it, more just to extend it there. Some mindless plan for after, whatever it is that Inigo will need. ]
[ It's a slow answer, a verbal dragging of the feet, and a quiet answer on top of it. Inigo really isn't so sure how he feels about the idea of that. On one hand he can acknowledge that going out there and doing anything is probably better for him than laying here in his bunk and feeling miserable.
But on the other hand.. going out there means that he'll have to face people. A lot of people, considering how much activity there always is around the train on platform days. And Inigo isn't so sure if he'll have the energy and strength of will to keep up a brave face in front of them.
He doesn't want to be dismissive though. Not so quickly. Not while Tidus is obviously trying to help him. ]
Let's see how I feel when I wake up. Right now I'm a little..
[ His voice trails off, and he lets out a heavy breath, like a sigh. His hands move a little on Tidus's back. ]
.. you know? [ Tired. Sad. Feeling lost.
Tidus will understand that without Inigo having to put into words, he figures. ]
But maybe a nap will help. [ At least enough to get him out of bed. Maybe. He has no idea right now, with the loss of his mother still sitting so heavy on his stomach. ]
[ Tidus gives Inigo a hearty pat on his shoulder, eyes closing following it. ]
Already on it. [ A nap, he means, silly with that smile on his face, but he doesn't rush to open his eyes again. The smile softening with the rest of the expression held on his face, the hold of muscles under skin.
There isn't anything else to say, is there? No matter what they do later, that's for then, and Inigo sounds more than ready to go with his own plan of sleeping; drifting from this weary exhaustion of emotions, if just for a while.
And Tidus will be his company for the time being, if that's what he wants. If that'll make him feel better. ]
Then... [ he opens up one eye, barely, squinting. ] Good night?
[ Inigo shifts them a little, just to make sure they're in a comfortable enough position to nap - but the most important part is left alone, the part where they're so close together, locked in each other's embrace. That's the part that makes him feel good about this idea of a nap, just knowing that there are arms around him, a warm body pressed against his own.
But as he thinks he could drift off to sleep just like this, Tidus speaks up. With his one eye open.
Inigo halts, seeming to think.. but then he slowly moves his head a little. It's hard and a little awkward in their current positions, but he manages to press a quick kiss against Tidus's lips all the same.
That's all right now. It doesn't need to be more than that. Like Tidus said - they can always do things later. ]
Good night. [ Inigo says, softly, still staring at Tidus for another moment.
But then he lets his head drop back on the pillow once more, closing his own eyes. ]
[ He doesn't outwardly react, beyond the way his eyelids flicker as Inigo draws away, his expression soft as he watches the other for that time that their eyes are on each other.
But as Inigo's eyes close, Tidus's lingers on the other guy's face, lower from any features; his mind on his own lips, and the touch that's been left there on them. Small and chaste - it reminds him of something closer to romance, of something personal, more emotionally intimate than anything before, and his cheeks come to tingle at the idea.
He screws his eyes shut tight and sends the thoughts away, his hand curling to rest better on Inigo's shoulder, ignoring everything but this attempt to sleep. ]
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blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
no subject
Sure, there's a bit of a tonal shift - especially with his shirt being half moved down again, in a clumsy best effort by Tidus's one hand, and with the increasing sappiness of the words that are being said. But Inigo doesn't mind, because it's still overwhelming. Just in a different way. A way that makes his heart overflow with emotion, rendering him unable to say anything at all to all of those words at first.
Instead he just moves to cling back tightly to Tidus as the other embraces him. Inigo can feel the tears clinging to his eyelashes, starting to spill out all over again as he repeats the words Tidus said over and over in his head.
At least I got to be trapped with you. Even though Inigo knows how much Tidus hates this whole situation. Because he's seen it. The anger and the frustration over the months, the desperation in the other's eyes as he pleaded with Anan. At least I got to know what life could be like. Then let's have that life, Tidus, come on, just come to Ylisse if going home means--
Rather than words, the only sound coming from Inigo is just a sharp breath being drawn between the tears, his hands desperately gripping onto Tidus, not caring if their remaining roommate may walk in to see them like this. Right now, she doesn't exist. Nothing exists, just the two of them.
Just.. ]
I know.
[ It's said with a sob, but it's then repeated: ]
I know, Tidus. [ He doesn't want there to be another misunderstanding. He doesn't want to deliver Tidus more pain when the other has been through enough after being completely thrown out of his comfortable life. ] I'm sorry that I acted so stupidly after the mission. I didn't mean--
[ Inigo shakes his head. ]
You're.. you're just as important to me as he was, okay? [ For reasons that are obvious to Inigo.
But even if that side to it didn't exist, even just taking that statement at face value with just them as best friends - it's still not untrue, is it? Just the thought of Tidus being the one to walk off the train one day is enough to make him feel like he's been cut off from all air. ] I mean it.
no subject
So he needs a moment, before he pulls back his head, to have room to speak that won't be muffled against Inigo's chest. He wants to look him in the eyes, but there's a tinge of embarrassment, to choose to bring himself this low, to have to look up. So he keeps his eyes on his chest, a heavy smile on his lips, though all he's looking at is Inigo's body. ]
I don't need to be that special. [ There's some light mirth to it, a weight to the words, a slight crack to them. He chuckles, and sniffs. There's no tears rolling down his face, but he can feel his eyes wanting to change that, if they could. ] But... you don't need to apologise. For being unsure, you know? It's okay. And-- whatever you wanna do now, we can, [ he assures quietly, ] but, we'll do it later. When you're feeling better. More like yourself.
[ When he isn't grieving for a mother gone, looking for any way to forget. ]
You don't need to feel bad about it. And if you believe me, then- I won't either.
[ Because they'll never accept one being free of guilt without the other, right? You can't bully my friend--Inigo's used those words against him before. ]
no subject
It can wait until later. He can wait until later, even though just that 'later' makes his heart hop a little bit. ]
I won't feel bad about it.
[ His voice is a little quiet as he says it, but he means it. Especially since Tidus is saying he'll do the same. It feels extra important today, or they'll just weigh themselves down with even more negative feelings. They ought to try and cast off everything they can.
But he doesn't want to leave it at just that. Inigo tries to shift a little, making sure he can clearly look at Tidus, rather than staring at something else like the way Tidus's eyes seem glued to his chest. (It's shifting in such a way that he doesn't release Tidus from the embrace though. He wants to hold him a little longer, stay like this a little longer..
.. but he does have something important to add in response to what Tidus himself is saying. ]
And I-- I know. That you don't need to be. [ Inigo knows Tidus wouldn't ask for it, that he - perhaps more than anyone - understands and respects the place Yuki held or holds in his heart, even though Tidus hardly knew the guy before he disappeared off the train.
But even so.. Inigo knows the truth contained within his own heart.
He sniffs, the tears still pricking at his eyes. ]
But you already are.
[ That special. That important.
Inigo wouldn't want him to doubt that, not even for a moment. ]
no subject
Tidus doesn't clock in what Inigo' referring to until those words, and his smile grimaces in that embarrassed way, eyes looking elsewhere, head trying to tilt area when it's stuck on a bed in a fussy, self-conscious display.
So he goes for the next best thing by giving Inigo a friendly punch on the shoulder. ]
What am I supposed to say to that? [ He asks in faux accusation, a breath of laughter following it. Tipping his forward after, to rest against Inigo's. ]
...We're going to be okay.
[ It's a sentiment that might be more important, more needed than anything else right now; shared eventually, and reassuringly.
And Tidus believes in it, at least in this moment. They'll be okay; they're going to be fine.
Just as they always are. ]
no subject
But the words that follow after make him grow quiet. Especially since there's always that little voice of doubt in the back of his head. Will they be okay? Really? Even though they're stuck on a train that only seems to take and take and take from them? When they're watching the people they care for leave one by one, without even being able to tell for sure that they'll be okay?
Inigo doesn't know. He can't believe as easily when he has so much worry in his heart.
But..
After a few moments of silence, he squeezes Tidus a little in their embrace. ]
Is it okay if we.. sleep like this?
[ It's vague on purpose, as if Inigo doesn't care whether it's taken as a nap now, or sleeping like this tonight. It's not the important part here. What's important is being this close to Tidus, wrapped up together with him. ]
It.. um. [ He pauses, his cheeks pink. ] It feels a bit more like it's going to be okay like this.
[ With Tidus right there with him. That's why he's asking in the first place. ]
no subject
[ From what he remembers... ... ... okay, knows. Tidus toys with how well he'll get to sleep himself, but even as he does that internally- ]
I don't have anything to do. I gotta show Senku some stuff, but we said we'd meet later. New people are gonna be walking around, and dinner isn't for ages. [ His eyes have been looking upward as he runs down the list, at that point coming down to settle on Inigo, his head shifting to give him the room to do so. ]
So I guess a nap's not so bad. [ A beat. ] You wanna go to the gym later, whenever we wake up? We can practice some flips; some jumping and running'll be easy.
[ It's not a thought he figures Inigo will be that interested in, maybe worth a hum at most. He offers it, more just to extend it there. Some mindless plan for after, whatever it is that Inigo will need. ]
no subject
[ It's a slow answer, a verbal dragging of the feet, and a quiet answer on top of it. Inigo really isn't so sure how he feels about the idea of that. On one hand he can acknowledge that going out there and doing anything is probably better for him than laying here in his bunk and feeling miserable.
But on the other hand.. going out there means that he'll have to face people. A lot of people, considering how much activity there always is around the train on platform days. And Inigo isn't so sure if he'll have the energy and strength of will to keep up a brave face in front of them.
He doesn't want to be dismissive though. Not so quickly. Not while Tidus is obviously trying to help him. ]
Let's see how I feel when I wake up. Right now I'm a little..
[ His voice trails off, and he lets out a heavy breath, like a sigh. His hands move a little on Tidus's back. ]
.. you know? [ Tired. Sad. Feeling lost.
Tidus will understand that without Inigo having to put into words, he figures. ]
But maybe a nap will help. [ At least enough to get him out of bed. Maybe. He has no idea right now, with the loss of his mother still sitting so heavy on his stomach. ]
no subject
Already on it. [ A nap, he means, silly with that smile on his face, but he doesn't rush to open his eyes again. The smile softening with the rest of the expression held on his face, the hold of muscles under skin.
There isn't anything else to say, is there? No matter what they do later, that's for then, and Inigo sounds more than ready to go with his own plan of sleeping; drifting from this weary exhaustion of emotions, if just for a while.
And Tidus will be his company for the time being, if that's what he wants. If that'll make him feel better. ]
Then... [ he opens up one eye, barely, squinting. ] Good night?
[ There wasn't anything else Inigo wanted? ]
no subject
But as he thinks he could drift off to sleep just like this, Tidus speaks up. With his one eye open.
Inigo halts, seeming to think.. but then he slowly moves his head a little. It's hard and a little awkward in their current positions, but he manages to press a quick kiss against Tidus's lips all the same.
That's all right now. It doesn't need to be more than that. Like Tidus said - they can always do things later. ]
Good night. [ Inigo says, softly, still staring at Tidus for another moment.
But then he lets his head drop back on the pillow once more, closing his own eyes. ]
no subject
But as Inigo's eyes close, Tidus's lingers on the other guy's face, lower from any features; his mind on his own lips, and the touch that's been left there on them. Small and chaste - it reminds him of something closer to romance, of something personal, more emotionally intimate than anything before, and his cheeks come to tingle at the idea.
He screws his eyes shut tight and sends the thoughts away, his hand curling to rest better on Inigo's shoulder, ignoring everything but this attempt to sleep. ]