[ They can't keep going - at least, Tidus isn't sure that they can. When Inigo takes off his crown, brushing away their conversation and trying to move on, doing his best to bury it. The pitch of his voice, everything that isn't clicking as right or into place. A part of Tidus tells him to ignore it; go along with it, follow his lead.
But he can't. Not when it's the only thing in the room now. Not when the clothes Inigo wears and the clothes Tidus doesn't, the sex, the foreplay - when none of them no longer matter. It's like a weighted silence still with a message, but Tidus can't interpret it. He can't. He can't.
He wishes he couldn't. ]
You're not weird. [ His own hands had moved, loosened in their hold where they met around Inigo's waist. But now they withdraw, uncertain for a second when to go before they raise to Inigo's arms, holding on firmly. ] You're not weird, [ he repeats, knowing that's what Inigo is really saying. His gaze lifting from the tiara, a struggle (as a voice tells him not to, no, you can't-), but coming to his face. ]
You're my best friend, and... you know I don't think you're weird. I care about you a lot, and I always will. I want you to be happy, and confident - and you'll always be an important part of this life I got. You're one of the best people I know.
[ It's rambling, if slower than his usual kinds. Avoiding saying what he doesn't want to say, while knowing he can't run away from this. That neither of them can, but that he can't be the only one to talk.
As scared as he is, as much as it threatens to break his heart. ]
Inigo.
[ He speaks his name as a plea, a request. For the truth. To tell him if he's really wrong, or what. ]
Inigo wants to beg for this to stop. For this moment in time to somehow be erased. This is just about everything he doesn't want, everything he never wanted. He'd pay anything he got just for Tidus to ignore all this and keep going again.
Please. Just not this. Anything but this.
Because every word Tidus is saying just feels like it makes it worse. Even though Inigo knows that Tidus means to be reassuring by repeating he's not weird like that, it's like a hammer slamming him into the ground with each iteration. And then all those other things he's saying--
It's obvious. He's just trying to comfort Inigo ahead of the inevitable, trying to make its impact less difficult to bear, but Inigo knows it's not going to be.
This is unfair. Why is Tidus forcing him to say it all the same, when it sounds like the other already knows? When - even worse - it already sounds like the other knows the outcome too?
Inigo feels sick, and he retreats. Moving off Tidus's lap, away from those arms, standing back up. His heart beats so quickly that it feels unhealthy, like it's about to make him throw up. ]
What do you want me to say if you already know? [ He doesn't look at Tidus as he says it, his gaze trained onto his own feet as if it's glued there. ]
[ Tidus doesn't try to keep him there. As he pulls away, climbing off from the bed, Tidus watches him, but doesn't keep his eyes on him. Dropping to his lap where his arms have fallen, he finds himself still occupied by what's been left.
I'm sorry, he wants to speak, but doesn't. He knows that won't make this better. He knows he's gone too far, crossing the border they weren't meant to.
I'm sorry, but I can't.
He wants to take all the blame, but he knows that he won't be carrying this alone. ]
...I'll take another room for tonight. [ It takes a while for him to speak, but he draws up his legs, looking for his shirt, the hoodie he dropped off. Picking up one before grabbing the other. ] Just to give us some room. I know... I know this isn't easy.
[ And what are either of them supposed to do - or say - now? ]
.. no. [ Inigo slowly says. Not to everything Tidus says, because he knows that there's no way to stop this now, that there's so much more in the words Tidus doesn't say here than what he does say.
Instead it's just a 'no' to-- ]
You.. take the room. For tonight.
[ It feels hard to even speak. Inigo can feel himself trembling like a leaf, even though he keeps his voice steady.
And even though he can already feel the tears forming in his eyes, his face smiles before he even realises it. Because his body just doesn't have any other reaction to this, other than to fall back into what's natural to do now. What it has practiced, over and over.
The tiara drops from his fingers, clattering against the ground. ]
It's.. my fault. So it's okay. You can have space. [ Where is Inigo going to go while looking like this? He has no idea. But it doesn't feel fair to send Tidus out for tonight when this is natural. When Inigo has known for months and months that this would inevitably happen, and that it'd be all his own fault.
He's already stepping over to the door without stopping, his steps speeding up until he's out of the door. He'll just go wherever. He'll find some spot to curl up. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
no subject
But he can't. Not when it's the only thing in the room now. Not when the clothes Inigo wears and the clothes Tidus doesn't, the sex, the foreplay - when none of them no longer matter. It's like a weighted silence still with a message, but Tidus can't interpret it. He can't. He can't.
He wishes he couldn't. ]
You're not weird. [ His own hands had moved, loosened in their hold where they met around Inigo's waist. But now they withdraw, uncertain for a second when to go before they raise to Inigo's arms, holding on firmly. ] You're not weird, [ he repeats, knowing that's what Inigo is really saying. His gaze lifting from the tiara, a struggle (as a voice tells him not to, no, you can't-), but coming to his face. ]
You're my best friend, and... you know I don't think you're weird. I care about you a lot, and I always will. I want you to be happy, and confident - and you'll always be an important part of this life I got. You're one of the best people I know.
[ It's rambling, if slower than his usual kinds. Avoiding saying what he doesn't want to say, while knowing he can't run away from this. That neither of them can, but that he can't be the only one to talk.
As scared as he is, as much as it threatens to break his heart. ]
Inigo.
[ He speaks his name as a plea, a request. For the truth. To tell him if he's really wrong, or what. ]
no subject
Inigo wants to beg for this to stop. For this moment in time to somehow be erased. This is just about everything he doesn't want, everything he never wanted. He'd pay anything he got just for Tidus to ignore all this and keep going again.
Please. Just not this. Anything but this.
Because every word Tidus is saying just feels like it makes it worse. Even though Inigo knows that Tidus means to be reassuring by repeating he's not weird like that, it's like a hammer slamming him into the ground with each iteration. And then all those other things he's saying--
It's obvious. He's just trying to comfort Inigo ahead of the inevitable, trying to make its impact less difficult to bear, but Inigo knows it's not going to be.
This is unfair. Why is Tidus forcing him to say it all the same, when it sounds like the other already knows? When - even worse - it already sounds like the other knows the outcome too?
Inigo feels sick, and he retreats. Moving off Tidus's lap, away from those arms, standing back up. His heart beats so quickly that it feels unhealthy, like it's about to make him throw up. ]
What do you want me to say if you already know? [ He doesn't look at Tidus as he says it, his gaze trained onto his own feet as if it's glued there. ]
no subject
I'm sorry, he wants to speak, but doesn't. He knows that won't make this better. He knows he's gone too far, crossing the border they weren't meant to.
I'm sorry, but I can't.
He wants to take all the blame, but he knows that he won't be carrying this alone. ]
...I'll take another room for tonight. [ It takes a while for him to speak, but he draws up his legs, looking for his shirt, the hoodie he dropped off. Picking up one before grabbing the other. ] Just to give us some room. I know... I know this isn't easy.
[ And what are either of them supposed to do - or say - now? ]
no subject
Instead it's just a 'no' to-- ]
You.. take the room. For tonight.
[ It feels hard to even speak. Inigo can feel himself trembling like a leaf, even though he keeps his voice steady.
And even though he can already feel the tears forming in his eyes, his face smiles before he even realises it. Because his body just doesn't have any other reaction to this, other than to fall back into what's natural to do now. What it has practiced, over and over.
The tiara drops from his fingers, clattering against the ground. ]
It's.. my fault. So it's okay. You can have space. [ Where is Inigo going to go while looking like this? He has no idea. But it doesn't feel fair to send Tidus out for tonight when this is natural. When Inigo has known for months and months that this would inevitably happen, and that it'd be all his own fault.
He's already stepping over to the door without stopping, his steps speeding up until he's out of the door. He'll just go wherever. He'll find some spot to curl up. ]