( Jingyi ends up frowning too, though he looks from Tidus, to the box, to Inigo, then back to Tidus. )
We didn't hit some kind of culture thing, did we?
( you know, the things he keeps running into. maybe Tidus has an even more complicated form of gift giving on his world than the reciprocal acknowledgment ones Jingyi knows. his brow furrows a touch, and he pales, leaping to a very dumb conclusion, asked in confusion: )
We didn't propose on accident or something, did we?
( it's a part jest, part horrified say it isn't so. maybe time's too intimate a thing?!? or maybe Tidus has some other thought going through his head--Jingyi can't say, but even he has that same sense of something being Not Swell, and he'd frankly trust Inigo's perception of it before his own. )
[ He puts a hand on his waist, raising the other dismissively as he says- ]
No, it's not-
[ But he can't quite finish it, exhaling, a complicated sound out of his mouth and the expression left. Brow furrowed, mouth tugged to one side; he looks from Jingyi to Inigo, keeping longer on the former guy. ]
You said this is from the both of you, right? [ And his gaze returns to Jingyi, the question not directed at him. But as he goes on, he does become the focus. ]
Look, I need to ask what you meant what you said that night we hung out. About you saying I couldn't handle dating. Where did that come from?
[ Because it doesn't sit right, even now, and how can he accept anything from someone who says that about him, without knowing if he was muddled about what Jingyi meant, or not? Because it was difficult to know, the pair of them often unsure about what the other meant; usually, Jingyi the one who took his words too literally.
But here, Tidus wasn't sure if he'd misinterpret Jingyi. Wasn't sure of it back then, but it'd rub him wrong to put in a bad mood, with how confusing the subject of his love life was to come up at all. ]
[ If the situation were any less serious - or perhaps any less worrisome - Inigo definitely would have nudged Jingyi for that latter remark. Dude, not everything is a love confession! .. Probably!
But no, Inigo's attention is way too much taken up by the look on Tidus's face, and then the words the other speaks.
.. especially the words. It makes Inigo glance from Tidus to Jingyi and back, looking increasingly unsure. W-Wait, Jingyi and Tidus talked.. about dating? Sweet Naga, Jingyi didn't mention anything about him, right? Please let him not have.
Inigo can feel himself starting to sweat, but he's sure to keep carefully quiet for a moment. ]
( Jingyi does not look at Inigo, because no, bro, come on, even if he's not subtle, he has not once namedropped anyone else's business. He didn't even name Dennis to Wen Sizhui, okay? He keeps shit on lockdown.
But he's now trying to parse a few things.
One, Tidus having an issue with this coming from both of them.
Two, that issue has him worried over what Jingyi meant about him not being able to handle dating.
Three, if that's coming up right now is this perhaps not proposing but propositioning... for dating???
Four, he knows??? On some level??? He's dating Inigo??? Physically???
His head's filled with arrows pointing in disparate directions, and he's not less pale, but he does answer, because of course he does. )
I thought you didn't want my opinions. ( He doesn't make that biting, he's too pale to manage it, just outright confused. Which, well, Tidus had said something to that effect. But he's being asked, so he says: ) It was talking with you. I felt like you weren't in a place to allow that you can love people here and still love Yuna, too. That you can work on getting back to her and still, you know, be here with the people here fully. Heart and body, mind and soul, um.
( Oh Heavens he's rambling, and his tail's gone so still it's hit the floor with a dull thud. WHEN DID GIFTING TIME BECOME A LOVE CONNECTION other than the fact Tidus lives on nothing but borrowed time, and he does get that. He can't pretend he's in that situation. He can't pretend he's in Inigo's situation. There's nothing unique or different or complicated about his personal situation, outside of the worries anyone not seeing him back home would have, and the distress he's causing his best friend, and by proxy, his best friend's fathers, and his sect leader.
He doesn't have a lover he's worrying; he doesn't have siblings he's worrying; he doesn't have parents he's worrying. Lan Jingyi, here or gone, is missed, but not irreplaceable. Not a guardian, not saving an ending world, not helping end the world he grew up in, just doing work keeping normal people from being swallowed alive by nightmares.
And he does have inherent self worth. He's alive, he's capable, and he doesn't give up.
... Which has nothing much to do with what's on hand, only background mechanics for how he weighs things, and the respect he gives all of them. Because that much is true: he respects Tidus, and he respects Inigo, and he thinks their way at going at love is a bit sideways, but, uh. He can respect that too, for all he doesn't personally relate. )
I don't know Yuna? All I can know is what I know. Just to me, being able to tell her I love you and I also love them doesn't lessen either side of it, or mean you're giving up on her. She's no less important to you for finding you can love people here, too.
( h e l p
he's looking lost and a little grumpy because of it. if he had moveable ears in this form, they'd be angled back, flat against his skull. he doesn't see a problem with not being able to handle dating? hasn't he pointed out that he couldn't, in the casual sense? it's totally fine to not be in that space? he might personally never bed anyone if he were tied up emotionally elsewhere, but Inigo and Tidus are adults, they can get up to whatever they want? )
Wouldn't being able to handle dating mean being willing to accept that? In your heart and stuff? That you don't have to give her up to allow people in? It wasn't about being female or male or something else, since you already said you're not against guys or anything. It's where your heart's at.
( gender's a lot less of a concern for him, so he just. outright means physical sex. then, a pause. )
Do you think I don't like you for that? If I didn't like you, I wouldn't have thought about any of this, and Inigo wouldn't have either. It's not like we expect anything from you except what you're ready and willing to give.
( H E L P isn't this common logic for how friends work, where has it betrayed him so? he's exactly two seconds away from offering a formal apology, so. there's that! he had no idea gift giving was explosive territory!
anyway he's 100% sure Tidus gets he's saying "dude we're your friends and anything else you're giving anyone is your business and we're not demanding otherwise" )
[ Tidus groans, a sound through gritted teeth, and he rubs the side of his face by his temple before letting the hand run through his hair. ]
This is why I'm asking! [ Why he needs to ask before accepting anything, when it has nothing to do with like, then it does respect. ] When you started asking me questions about my love life, I thought this had to do with you wanting more perspectives. Then you were giving me that advice about loving multiple people, and it was confusing! Why would you suddenly be so interested in seeing me get with someone? How am I supposed to know how to take it? And when you said I couldn't handle it - it sounded like a dig!
[ He gestures a hand at the package, the box. ] Why do you think I said I didn't want your opinion and left? And now you're coming with a gift? If you were judging me, then yeah, I was gonna tell you to shove it, even if you did still like me!
[ Because he isn't going to accept a gift under those circumstances. Screw that! ]
[ It kind of feels like he fell straight into the middle of a lovers' quarrel.. Except Inigo knows that's definitely not what this is, it just has the air of one.
No, he can tell what this is otherwise. Jingyi must have talked to Tidus about the issues Inigo was telling him about, considering how he's so specifically asking about Yuna and the ability to love someone besides her. Please, Jingyi, did Inigo not warn you about this? You think he doesn't know just how head over heels Tidus is for Yuna at this point?! There's a reason he keeps all this crap to himself!
But Inigo feels just a little too responsible for this to just walk off, or awkwardly (emphasis on awkwardly, very awkwardly) stand off to the sides. It's not like he really put Jingyi up to this, but the other sure still got the idea from him, so.. ]
Okay, okay. [ Inigo speaks up, putting up his hands in what he hopes is a peacekeeping gesture. Because he can feel Tidus's irritation meter rise, and he can also tell why. ] J-Just.. hang on for a moment, you two. Alright?
[ BEFORE THIS RAPIDLY ESCALATES.. ]
I, uh.. am not completely sure what happened.. [ A half-lie, but he is pretending to not somehow have been the accidental instigator here, okay! ] But from what it all sounds like to me, it sounds like Jingyi had good intentions in saying what he did to Tidus, but that the way he said it came across as insulting.
[ He glances between the two, maybe even lingering on Jingyi for a moment because.. dude. DUDE!! DUDE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT LIKE THIS.. ]
( He wasn't trying, Inigo! Jingyi was giving Tidus a faintly puzzled frown, that goes to faintly grumpy all over again, to a long sigh before Inigo's trying to mediate a situation that hadn't even existed to one of the two here. Though now he can at least get what was going on better than that day, where none of this had been a thought in his head, simply because he knew what he was asking about.
He does close the top of the box lid, since he doesn't want to keep holding it out like he is for the time being. )
Inigo, it's fine.
( He smiles at Inigo, specifically...... and hands the box over to him. He cups his hands as the smile fades, and bows to Tidus, nothing deep, but something fitting a peer held in decent standing. It isn't sarcastic, though for a whole five seconds he contemplated making it so out of a petty urge that mostly comes out of being grumpy at being taken as anything like sly in his disapproval. )
Tidus, I apologise. I didn't intend insult. Trust me, if I were judging you for anything, you wouldn't have to wonder. I don't hold back.
( He rises, and claps his hands, like this settles??? Something??? Definitely not smiling, but he's not scowling or even frowning, just settling into neutral lines. )
I'll remember next time that gifting culture is different for you than for me.
( do not ever, he tells himself, practise apology gifts on this guy if one's ever needed, it'll only go p o o r l y )
[ It's not comfortable, from the bow to the way the issue seems to be swept aside. It sounded like you were being plain about it, he wants to say, but Jingyi moves onto the gift, and the already held pull of his brow dips further as he glances from Jingyi to the box. ]
What does gifting have to do with this?
[ And he looks to Inigo then, unsure - when the guy sounds confused and out of place in this (and Tidus does make something of a sympathetic slant to his expression, an apology to be bringing this up in front of him). ]
[ And then Inigo is suddenly standing there, holding the box.
And feeling awkward. That too. Especially since his confusion and awkwardness only grows as he looks between the other two. Gifting culture.. Wait, did that mean Jingyi also just wanted to give this to Tidus as an apology of sorts, not just because it happened to be the perfect thing to come across for Tidus?
Inigo opens and closes his mouth a few times, thinking of stuff to say, only to think better of it a moment later and not say anything at all.
It's probably better to just let Jingyi answer that question first, rather than muddying the waters further, and he might be sinking away behind the box a little here. At least he's got you, box full of stopwatches.. At least he's got you. ]
I don't know, but you didn't come talk to me before, and you're bringing it up now. So it feels like there're connotations about giving gifts for you that don't exist for me.
'Cause other stuff came up, and I didn't have a reason to bring it up right away - I didn't think you and Inigo were gonna show up like this.
[ Because really, these sorts of things don't happen often. He waves a hand, the other rested on his waist. ]
That's why I'm clearing it up now, to be sure. I won't accept a gift from someone who I think's got an idea about me I don't like, even if...
[ He looks over to Inigo, and he does feel bad, rambling off like this. Shaking his head. ] Sorry, I know this is the last thing you expected. We just had a misunderstanding, that's all. [ There's a pause, and he admits: ] Jingyi was talking to me about dating, and I thought he got the idea I shouldn't be dating 'cause I said I didn't want to. He was telling me stuff, and...
[ ...which sounds dumb, especially since he doesn't really want to share what Jingyi said in their private conversation, even if there wasn't anything personal on his end. Tidus rubs at the back of his neck. ]
It's dumb. [ Again he waves a hand, this time to dismiss it. ] Anyway... if it wasn't the case, then we're cool.
[ Inigo opens his mouth to say that surely Jingyi didn't mean it that way--
But then he thinks of just how direct Jingyi can be with his opinions, never really smoothing things over a whole lot, and he quickly makes sure to not say that, just in case the other decides to make himself clear and this escalates after all.
He's really hoping it doesn't. ]
It's.. fine!
[ Thank Naga that Inigo can blame any awkwardness in his voice on the fact that he's having to witness all of this, and not at the confirmation of what he already knew deep down - that Tidus doesn't want to date. That he needs to keep shoving his feelings as far down and out of sight as possible.
There's some seriously impressive not crying going on here. It'll come later, in private. For now Inigo just awkwardly shifts the box a little in his arms. ]
( He's not exactly cool, he's pretty lukewarm, but at least he pings to it being slang, and the intent paired to action. His brow's still furrowed a touch, but he takes Tidus's hand and steps forward, bringing their arms up to chest level between them to do the logical thing: step into the hug? Arm to arm, chest to chest, free arm coming around to thump against Tidus's back. Not a sweet sort of embrace, but a bracing one, specifically for comradery rather than support. )
On that, yeah.
( Cool on that, because that, that's true. Figuring out miscommunications was important, since their existence was inevitable. Frustrating, but inevitable. (Cool being one more potential if he hadn't the context to make it make sense.)
He steps back, letting go of Tidus's hand. His tail runs counterpoint to how he turns on the ball of his foot, reaching for the box from Inigo, nodding his head to him; he's not smiling, and he won't be, but he's not scowling, so that's an improvement over the confusion and everything else. If he wins the box free, he turns to place it against Tidus's chest instead, until the guy takes hold. )
Gonna leave these with you for now, still have to borrow Inigo for a while today. You're the techiest out of us all, you'll figure them out faster than we can.
( He nods his head to Tidus, not unfriendly in gesture, but not easy. Like there's some other tension under his skin, and it's mostly the kind he shoves to the side because:
I just don't want you guys to fight, you know..?
Damn the mediators of the world. Sometimes arguing is the only way to get things resolved, but other times? People've already left open things which should not be said in public in his mind, and so Jingyi is attempting to loop an arm through Inigo's to bodily whisk him away to the yet unspecified borrowed purpose. Apologies, for one, because Tidus's callousness is something owed to Jingyi, and not Tidus alone. )
Hey-- Hey guys. Are things okay now? Inigo would just like to know?! The semi-hug seems to indicate that everything is okay, but at the same time it's not exactly like the other two look happy.. So what's going on here.
It leaves Inigo just looking very unsure as he glances between the other two, and perhaps even moreso when there's suddenly an arm hooked in his own - which isn't that bad - and he's starting to get dragged away - a lot weirder?! - to an unknown destination. ]
W-Wait, why do you have to borrow me?
[ Judging by his tone, you'd imagine he was being kidnapped or something. Rather than just taken along by a friend. HE'S JUST CONFUSED, OKAY.
Yet he's still moving along with Jingyi all the same, casting a confused and flustered gaze back at Tidus. ]
( Jingyi doesn't have the finesse to fake being fine with someone he's not mostly fine with, and what bothers him isn't about himself, though it relies on his understandings of the world. Ergo: quick exit, and given Jingyi has no mysterious abilities to go plunging into the Void from the between-carriages spaces (nor the inclination), Inigo is, at some point, inevitably re-released to find his way back on the tides of his own inclinations.
Jingyi does only aim to take them a carriage away, having not answered the why and wearing his resting neutral to bitch face, brow a touch furrowed, but nothing about his body language angry. Not even his tail, past its initial twitch to shed lingering whatevers.
At least he doesn't keep bodily dragging Inigo onward once they're that far away. All he does do is (gently) disengage their arms, to sweep to a step away and a bow (is this getting familiar yet) of apology. )
This one apologises for his role in exposing you to unwarranted and uninvited injury.
[ Technically this should be nothing he's unused to. Even if Inigo's life didn't quite go as planned, he is still a prince, the son of the Exalt. This is how the servants would probably be treating him back home, if the world hadn't been destroyed.
And yet Inigo still feels fluster when he witnessed it. Jingyi stepping away from him, bowing, speaking those words.. It doesn't feel right, especially coming from a friend, when it's all this formal.
So he shakes his head, though he can feel his cheeks growing pink as he puts a hand on Jingyi's shoulder, as if to try and get the other guy to stand back up. ]
H-- Hey, it's fine!
[ I-IT'S FINE, IT'S COOL, DUDE, PLEASE DON'T GIVE HIM THIS FORMAL APOLOGY... ]
I mean, I.. do suppose there are some awkward things.. [ Like Tidus having gotten hurt - apparently - in the middle of Jingyi's questioning, and Inigo having to hear Tidus say he doesn't want to date so blatantly, right in front of Inigo's salad heart. But nothing about it feels like Inigo of all people should get an apology. ] But I also know you were asking him about that stuff--
[ He pauses, nervously glancing over at the door, as if he's worried Tidus would follow them and overhear this, but of course he doesn't. ]
( For Jingyi, all of this is appropriate politeness to a peer: deeper he could go, but it would show a different dissonance, and formality in apology is sincerity, is earnestness, from a Lan. To do less would be to give no face, and to lessen the importance of it all.
Endless cultural headbutting. He straightens, regardless, lips twitching into a frown. )
Yours and mine. ( Because if he didn't want to know himself, he wouldn't have asked. ) And—I mean it, even if I don't think he really believes it, I didn't intend offense. But you didn't deserve that, Inigo, and if I'd known there was an issue, I wouldn't have brought you along to be given no face like this.
( He means it metaphorically, but the concept of 'face' is one he hasn't explained, hasn't known to or tried, and it doesn't quite translate to 'pride.' More complex, and so face becomes a literalism, in its way. )
Tidus isn't trying to actively hurt you, but I set him up to do it, and I'm sorry. I...
( have no idea what to do about it since there's such a massive divide he's only partly aware of why is it so hard to understand what anyone's doing or thinking? )
Is there anything I can do? ( really, including "please shut up already" but asking is invitation. )
[ Inigo's voice is softer now. Less frantic, and more.. well, pretty much just resigned, even though there's a slight smile on his face as he says it. He's also given up on trying to understand of these cultural nuances that Jingyi is using - face?! - in order to try and focus on the bigger picture. ]
It's not like I didn't already know that this is the way things are, right? [ Even if Tidus just had to say it so clearly right in front of his salad - but it's not like it's the first time Tidus has said something that was actively hurtful towards Inigo's heart out of sheer ignorance.
And Inigo knows it won't be the last. ]
There's nothing anyone can do about that. I just have to take what I can get.
[ As desperate as that sounds. But what else is he supposed to do? ]
No, you don't, but I respect that it's what you've decided to do, and it's not how things are, he's being a--look, I'm not your best friend, or your bedmate, or anything ( he vaguely gestures to his chest, like that makes it clear he means entanglements of the heart okay ) like that, but there's doing the unintentional stuff, and there's also being a jackass. The dating stuff, yeah, that's unintentional, but turning down a gift from you? Because I'm involved, and he's not sure if he has an issue with me? That is an unkindness he could have chosen not to act on in front of you.
( He waves his hand, though, because he's not calling out jackass for the dating comment--that's specific to saying the gift would be refused if Jingyi wasn't good enough, if his intentions weren't something Tidus understood, and that's what bothers him. The rest? Tidus is thick in his own needs for denial, and so Jingyi sighs. Long. So Help Him, Void. )
Which is what it is, but were you listening to what his complaint was? For a guy so sure he's not going to date here, he was real offended thinking I agreed that he shouldn't. The fact you'll never call him out on it won't make him face himself any sooner, but I get why you don't want to, when you've already lost enough.
( With a tone shift, just a touch, because no he's not deft at social things like this, but he's also not daft: )
And I would never tell him any of that, because you are my friend, and you want this, and you know you're hurting yourself, and you're adult enough to make all those decisions on your own. I won't judge it, I just... I want you to be happy. However you're getting that happiness, 'cause you're the only one who can decide on that for yourself.
[ Inigo starts sputtering at the word 'bedmate', like he's just about ready to protest to the usage of that word..
.. but apparently he decides to be good. For now. He lets Jingyi speak first to explain himself, even if there's basically a waterfall's worth of words being poured out over him. But Inigo knows that Jingyi is just like that, and so he respects his friend for who he is, giving him the chance to speak his truth.
Though all he's left with when the other comes to that final part is just a: ]
Uh.. thank you.
[ It's just awkward, because.. what does he say in the face of that? How does he deal with people wanting him to be happy? He'll never get it.
Instead he just moves a hand up to his neck, awkwardly rubbing it a little. ]
You're really kind in your own way, Jingyi, but.. I'm not hurt over the gift thing. Really! [ The dating comment was so much worse comparatively, in Inigo's mind. ] It is pretty much my own fault in the first place, anyway.
[ After all, if he hadn't told Jingyi about his issue, then Jingyi would never have told Tidus that he's not fit to date, and this whole awkward situation never would have happened. ]
I just hope you guys won't be mad at each other. I like you both way too much to have to deal with that.
( You share a bed??? It's not weird??? To say bedmate??? It's like what Jingyi does when traveling with his fellow juniors, you just. You have a bedmate? Gosh, Inigo.
Likewise, Jingyi looks like he feels better (how is this helpful) for having voiced what bothered him, and hearing what is or isn't bothering Inigo about it in return. Though he... frowns. )
No, I'm not mad at him, or I mean, yes a little, but not in a "put your fists up" way. Annoyed at what he did. He was annoyed over the same thing.
( Over what he perceived Jingyi to have done, but it's the same thing in the end. )
It's not worth holding a grudge over. And it's not your own fault, Inigo, I chose to talk with him. You're not responsible for that, unless you're wanting to say you regret ever confiding in me—and that's fair, if you do.
( Heed not the tail that sinks at that thought, because oh, no, maybe he super fucked up? FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL MEANS SELF-PUNISHMENT TIME this is going to be a day isn't it )
[ It's said so quickly, like a knee-jerking reflex. The last thing Inigo wants to do here is to make Jingyi feel like that is the truth here - though there's always some baseline level of regret when he tells anyone absolutely anything, but that really doesn't have anything to do with Jingyi in particular as much as Inigo just sucks at sharing anything.
So he shakes his head, the look in his eyes turning more puppy-like by the moment as he speaks. ]
It's.. really sweet, you know? That you care so much about me, and about my happiness. [ Especially when - relatively speaking - they're still semi-new friends. Jingyi cares so easily, though that's a trait that's reflected within Inigo himself as well. ] Thank you for looking out for me.
( It'd be fair to say Jingyi is inclined toward easy decisions, like or dislike or neutrality; his mind can change, but it's easy, especially for someone used to having people he knows he can rely on who can rely on him in turn around. Here is a whole cluster of difficulties because it's not the same, where he's not sure how to shift that behaviour, let alone navigating all the mismatched cultures involved.
His tail lashes a little on the ground, mostly the heavily furred tip twitching. )
Yeah, well, that's what friends do. You're welcome.
( Not that he looks suddenly happy, since he doesn't, but he sighs, and the drawn nature of his features relaxes some. )
Shared burdens, okay?
( You nice ones are the ones who don't remember to do the sharing, versus, well, him. Who complains enough he ends up sharing burdens even if people are possibly struggling to exit stage left to not hear him complain. )
[ He lets out a breath - a near-huff, like a little kid who's just been reminded of some homework he really doesn't want to do, but knows he has to. ]
.. Yes. I remember.
[ He's trying, okay! He could just have ran away, but look, he's trying to at least talk with Jingyi here. Baby steps. ]
But-- trust me. I really don't feel bad about the gift thing at all. [ He's not lying about that.
Inigo wouldn't lie after the reminder about shared burdens. ]
Just a little bad about the reminder of the 'no dating' thing, but.. I can deal with that. [ He's a big boy! A big boy who occasionally just has a good cry. ] .. How about you? Are you alright right now? Are we okay?
( That, he figures, is indeed a culture thing, but if it's not one for Inigo (just as he figures now it isn't one for Tidus), then he can let it go too. With a huff. Not even a mental one, he just huffs. )
If you say... hey, do you want a hug?
( For the no dating thing, which at this point Jingyi thinks is more a work in progress of Tidus dealing with guilt over loving more than one person at a time, but being, you know, dumb about it. Heavenspeed to them both. )
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blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
no subject
We didn't hit some kind of culture thing, did we?
( you know, the things he keeps running into. maybe Tidus has an even more complicated form of gift giving on his world than the reciprocal acknowledgment ones Jingyi knows. his brow furrows a touch, and he pales, leaping to a very dumb conclusion, asked in confusion: )
We didn't propose on accident or something, did we?
( it's a part jest, part horrified say it isn't so. maybe time's too intimate a thing?!? or maybe Tidus has some other thought going through his head--Jingyi can't say, but even he has that same sense of something being Not Swell, and he'd frankly trust Inigo's perception of it before his own. )
no subject
No, it's not-
[ But he can't quite finish it, exhaling, a complicated sound out of his mouth and the expression left. Brow furrowed, mouth tugged to one side; he looks from Jingyi to Inigo, keeping longer on the former guy. ]
You said this is from the both of you, right? [ And his gaze returns to Jingyi, the question not directed at him. But as he goes on, he does become the focus. ]
Look, I need to ask what you meant what you said that night we hung out. About you saying I couldn't handle dating. Where did that come from?
[ Because it doesn't sit right, even now, and how can he accept anything from someone who says that about him, without knowing if he was muddled about what Jingyi meant, or not? Because it was difficult to know, the pair of them often unsure about what the other meant; usually, Jingyi the one who took his words too literally.
But here, Tidus wasn't sure if he'd misinterpret Jingyi. Wasn't sure of it back then, but it'd rub him wrong to put in a bad mood, with how confusing the subject of his love life was to come up at all. ]
no subject
But no, Inigo's attention is way too much taken up by the look on Tidus's face, and then the words the other speaks.
.. especially the words. It makes Inigo glance from Tidus to Jingyi and back, looking increasingly unsure. W-Wait, Jingyi and Tidus talked.. about dating? Sweet Naga, Jingyi didn't mention anything about him, right? Please let him not have.
Inigo can feel himself starting to sweat, but he's sure to keep carefully quiet for a moment. ]
cue: a mess, this is so dumb, i'm so sorry
But he's now trying to parse a few things.
One, Tidus having an issue with this coming from both of them.
Two, that issue has him worried over what Jingyi meant about him not being able to handle dating.
Three, if that's coming up right now is this perhaps not proposing but propositioning... for dating???
Four, he knows??? On some level??? He's dating Inigo??? Physically???
His head's filled with arrows pointing in disparate directions, and he's not less pale, but he does answer, because of course he does. )
I thought you didn't want my opinions. ( He doesn't make that biting, he's too pale to manage it, just outright confused. Which, well, Tidus had said something to that effect. But he's being asked, so he says: ) It was talking with you. I felt like you weren't in a place to allow that you can love people here and still love Yuna, too. That you can work on getting back to her and still, you know, be here with the people here fully. Heart and body, mind and soul, um.
( Oh Heavens he's rambling, and his tail's gone so still it's hit the floor with a dull thud. WHEN DID GIFTING TIME BECOME A LOVE CONNECTION other than the fact Tidus lives on nothing but borrowed time, and he does get that. He can't pretend he's in that situation. He can't pretend he's in Inigo's situation. There's nothing unique or different or complicated about his personal situation, outside of the worries anyone not seeing him back home would have, and the distress he's causing his best friend, and by proxy, his best friend's fathers, and his sect leader.
He doesn't have a lover he's worrying; he doesn't have siblings he's worrying; he doesn't have parents he's worrying. Lan Jingyi, here or gone, is missed, but not irreplaceable. Not a guardian, not saving an ending world, not helping end the world he grew up in, just doing work keeping normal people from being swallowed alive by nightmares.
And he does have inherent self worth. He's alive, he's capable, and he doesn't give up.
... Which has nothing much to do with what's on hand, only background mechanics for how he weighs things, and the respect he gives all of them. Because that much is true: he respects Tidus, and he respects Inigo, and he thinks their way at going at love is a bit sideways, but, uh. He can respect that too, for all he doesn't personally relate. )
I don't know Yuna? All I can know is what I know. Just to me, being able to tell her I love you and I also love them doesn't lessen either side of it, or mean you're giving up on her. She's no less important to you for finding you can love people here, too.
( h e l p
he's looking lost and a little grumpy because of it. if he had moveable ears in this form, they'd be angled back, flat against his skull. he doesn't see a problem with not being able to handle dating? hasn't he pointed out that he couldn't, in the casual sense? it's totally fine to not be in that space? he might personally never bed anyone if he were tied up emotionally elsewhere, but Inigo and Tidus are adults, they can get up to whatever they want? )
Wouldn't being able to handle dating mean being willing to accept that? In your heart and stuff? That you don't have to give her up to allow people in? It wasn't about being female or male or something else, since you already said you're not against guys or anything. It's where your heart's at.
( gender's a lot less of a concern for him, so he just. outright means physical sex. then, a pause. )
Do you think I don't like you for that? If I didn't like you, I wouldn't have thought about any of this, and Inigo wouldn't have either. It's not like we expect anything from you except what you're ready and willing to give.
( H E L P isn't this common logic for how friends work, where has it betrayed him so? he's exactly two seconds away from offering a formal apology, so. there's that! he had no idea gift giving was explosive territory!
anyway he's 100% sure Tidus gets he's saying "dude we're your friends and anything else you're giving anyone is your business and we're not demanding otherwise" )
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This is why I'm asking! [ Why he needs to ask before accepting anything, when it has nothing to do with like, then it does respect. ] When you started asking me questions about my love life, I thought this had to do with you wanting more perspectives. Then you were giving me that advice about loving multiple people, and it was confusing! Why would you suddenly be so interested in seeing me get with someone? How am I supposed to know how to take it? And when you said I couldn't handle it - it sounded like a dig!
[ He gestures a hand at the package, the box. ] Why do you think I said I didn't want your opinion and left? And now you're coming with a gift? If you were judging me, then yeah, I was gonna tell you to shove it, even if you did still like me!
[ Because he isn't going to accept a gift under those circumstances. Screw that! ]
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No, he can tell what this is otherwise. Jingyi must have talked to Tidus about the issues Inigo was telling him about, considering how he's so specifically asking about Yuna and the ability to love someone besides her. Please, Jingyi, did Inigo not warn you about this? You think he doesn't know just how head over heels Tidus is for Yuna at this point?! There's a reason he keeps all this crap to himself!
But Inigo feels just a little too responsible for this to just walk off, or awkwardly (emphasis on awkwardly, very awkwardly) stand off to the sides. It's not like he really put Jingyi up to this, but the other sure still got the idea from him, so.. ]
Okay, okay. [ Inigo speaks up, putting up his hands in what he hopes is a peacekeeping gesture. Because he can feel Tidus's irritation meter rise, and he can also tell why. ] J-Just.. hang on for a moment, you two. Alright?
[ BEFORE THIS RAPIDLY ESCALATES.. ]
I, uh.. am not completely sure what happened.. [ A half-lie, but he is pretending to not somehow have been the accidental instigator here, okay! ] But from what it all sounds like to me, it sounds like Jingyi had good intentions in saying what he did to Tidus, but that the way he said it came across as insulting.
[ He glances between the two, maybe even lingering on Jingyi for a moment because.. dude. DUDE!! DUDE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT LIKE THIS.. ]
Yes?
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He does close the top of the box lid, since he doesn't want to keep holding it out like he is for the time being. )
Inigo, it's fine.
( He smiles at Inigo, specifically...... and hands the box over to him. He cups his hands as the smile fades, and bows to Tidus, nothing deep, but something fitting a peer held in decent standing. It isn't sarcastic, though for a whole five seconds he contemplated making it so out of a petty urge that mostly comes out of being grumpy at being taken as anything like sly in his disapproval. )
Tidus, I apologise. I didn't intend insult. Trust me, if I were judging you for anything, you wouldn't have to wonder. I don't hold back.
( He rises, and claps his hands, like this settles??? Something??? Definitely not smiling, but he's not scowling or even frowning, just settling into neutral lines. )
I'll remember next time that gifting culture is different for you than for me.
( do not ever, he tells himself, practise apology gifts on this guy if one's ever needed, it'll only go p o o r l y )
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What does gifting have to do with this?
[ And he looks to Inigo then, unsure - when the guy sounds confused and out of place in this (and Tidus does make something of a sympathetic slant to his expression, an apology to be bringing this up in front of him). ]
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And feeling awkward. That too. Especially since his confusion and awkwardness only grows as he looks between the other two. Gifting culture.. Wait, did that mean Jingyi also just wanted to give this to Tidus as an apology of sorts, not just because it happened to be the perfect thing to come across for Tidus?
Inigo opens and closes his mouth a few times, thinking of stuff to say, only to think better of it a moment later and not say anything at all.
It's probably better to just let Jingyi answer that question first, rather than muddying the waters further, and he might be sinking away behind the box a little here. At least he's got you, box full of stopwatches.. At least he's got you. ]
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( he crosses his arms over his chest. )
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[ Because really, these sorts of things don't happen often. He waves a hand, the other rested on his waist. ]
That's why I'm clearing it up now, to be sure. I won't accept a gift from someone who I think's got an idea about me I don't like, even if...
[ He looks over to Inigo, and he does feel bad, rambling off like this. Shaking his head. ] Sorry, I know this is the last thing you expected. We just had a misunderstanding, that's all. [ There's a pause, and he admits: ] Jingyi was talking to me about dating, and I thought he got the idea I shouldn't be dating 'cause I said I didn't want to. He was telling me stuff, and...
[ ...which sounds dumb, especially since he doesn't really want to share what Jingyi said in their private conversation, even if there wasn't anything personal on his end. Tidus rubs at the back of his neck. ]
It's dumb. [ Again he waves a hand, this time to dismiss it. ] Anyway... if it wasn't the case, then we're cool.
[ He looks to Jingyi now, and extends a hand. ]
Cool?
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But then he thinks of just how direct Jingyi can be with his opinions, never really smoothing things over a whole lot, and he quickly makes sure to not say that, just in case the other decides to make himself clear and this escalates after all.
He's really hoping it doesn't. ]
It's.. fine!
[ Thank Naga that Inigo can blame any awkwardness in his voice on the fact that he's having to witness all of this, and not at the confirmation of what he already knew deep down - that Tidus doesn't want to date. That he needs to keep shoving his feelings as far down and out of sight as possible.
There's some seriously impressive not crying going on here. It'll come later, in private. For now Inigo just awkwardly shifts the box a little in his arms. ]
I just don't want you guys to fight, you know..?
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On that, yeah.
( Cool on that, because that, that's true. Figuring out miscommunications was important, since their existence was inevitable. Frustrating, but inevitable. (Cool being one more potential if he hadn't the context to make it make sense.)
He steps back, letting go of Tidus's hand. His tail runs counterpoint to how he turns on the ball of his foot, reaching for the box from Inigo, nodding his head to him; he's not smiling, and he won't be, but he's not scowling, so that's an improvement over the confusion and everything else. If he wins the box free, he turns to place it against Tidus's chest instead, until the guy takes hold. )
Gonna leave these with you for now, still have to borrow Inigo for a while today. You're the techiest out of us all, you'll figure them out faster than we can.
( He nods his head to Tidus, not unfriendly in gesture, but not easy. Like there's some other tension under his skin, and it's mostly the kind he shoves to the side because:
I just don't want you guys to fight, you know..?
Damn the mediators of the world. Sometimes arguing is the only way to get things resolved, but other times? People've already left open things which should not be said in public in his mind, and so Jingyi is attempting to loop an arm through Inigo's to bodily whisk him away to the yet unspecified borrowed purpose. Apologies, for one, because Tidus's callousness is something owed to Jingyi, and not Tidus alone. )
ree told me to go first
Hey-- Hey guys. Are things okay now? Inigo would just like to know?! The semi-hug seems to indicate that everything is okay, but at the same time it's not exactly like the other two look happy.. So what's going on here.
It leaves Inigo just looking very unsure as he glances between the other two, and perhaps even moreso when there's suddenly an arm hooked in his own - which isn't that bad - and he's starting to get dragged away - a lot weirder?! - to an unknown destination. ]
W-Wait, why do you have to borrow me?
[ Judging by his tone, you'd imagine he was being kidnapped or something. Rather than just taken along by a friend. HE'S JUST CONFUSED, OKAY.
Yet he's still moving along with Jingyi all the same, casting a confused and flustered gaze back at Tidus. ]
Uh-- Tidus, I.. I'll be back!
[ ???
He sure hopes, anyway? ]
thumbs up!!
Jingyi does only aim to take them a carriage away, having not answered the why and wearing his resting neutral to bitch face, brow a touch furrowed, but nothing about his body language angry. Not even his tail, past its initial twitch to shed lingering whatevers.
At least he doesn't keep bodily dragging Inigo onward once they're that far away. All he does do is (gently) disengage their arms, to sweep to a step away and a bow (is this getting familiar yet) of apology. )
This one apologises for his role in exposing you to unwarranted and uninvited injury.
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And yet Inigo still feels fluster when he witnessed it. Jingyi stepping away from him, bowing, speaking those words.. It doesn't feel right, especially coming from a friend, when it's all this formal.
So he shakes his head, though he can feel his cheeks growing pink as he puts a hand on Jingyi's shoulder, as if to try and get the other guy to stand back up. ]
H-- Hey, it's fine!
[ I-IT'S FINE, IT'S COOL, DUDE, PLEASE DON'T GIVE HIM THIS FORMAL APOLOGY... ]
I mean, I.. do suppose there are some awkward things.. [ Like Tidus having gotten hurt - apparently - in the middle of Jingyi's questioning, and Inigo having to hear Tidus say he doesn't want to date so blatantly, right in front of Inigo's
saladheart. But nothing about it feels like Inigo of all people should get an apology. ] But I also know you were asking him about that stuff--[ He pauses, nervously glancing over at the door, as if he's worried Tidus would follow them and overhear this, but of course he doesn't. ]
--for my sake.
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Endless cultural headbutting. He straightens, regardless, lips twitching into a frown. )
Yours and mine. ( Because if he didn't want to know himself, he wouldn't have asked. ) And—I mean it, even if I don't think he really believes it, I didn't intend offense. But you didn't deserve that, Inigo, and if I'd known there was an issue, I wouldn't have brought you along to be given no face like this.
( He means it metaphorically, but the concept of 'face' is one he hasn't explained, hasn't known to or tried, and it doesn't quite translate to 'pride.' More complex, and so face becomes a literalism, in its way. )
Tidus isn't trying to actively hurt you, but I set him up to do it, and I'm sorry. I...
( have no idea what to do about it since there's such a massive divide he's only partly aware of why is it so hard to understand what anyone's doing or thinking? )
Is there anything I can do? ( really, including "please shut up already" but asking is invitation. )
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[ Inigo's voice is softer now. Less frantic, and more.. well, pretty much just resigned, even though there's a slight smile on his face as he says it. He's also given up on trying to understand of these cultural nuances that Jingyi is using - face?! - in order to try and focus on the bigger picture. ]
It's not like I didn't already know that this is the way things are, right? [ Even if Tidus just had to say it so clearly right in front of his salad - but it's not like it's the first time Tidus has said something that was actively hurtful towards Inigo's heart out of sheer ignorance.
And Inigo knows it won't be the last. ]
There's nothing anyone can do about that. I just have to take what I can get.
[ As desperate as that sounds. But what else is he supposed to do? ]
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( He waves his hand, though, because he's not calling out jackass for the dating comment--that's specific to saying the gift would be refused if Jingyi wasn't good enough, if his intentions weren't something Tidus understood, and that's what bothers him. The rest? Tidus is thick in his own needs for denial, and so Jingyi sighs. Long. So Help Him, Void. )
Which is what it is, but were you listening to what his complaint was? For a guy so sure he's not going to date here, he was real offended thinking I agreed that he shouldn't. The fact you'll never call him out on it won't make him face himself any sooner, but I get why you don't want to, when you've already lost enough.
( With a tone shift, just a touch, because no he's not deft at social things like this, but he's also not daft: )
And I would never tell him any of that, because you are my friend, and you want this, and you know you're hurting yourself, and you're adult enough to make all those decisions on your own. I won't judge it, I just... I want you to be happy. However you're getting that happiness, 'cause you're the only one who can decide on that for yourself.
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.. but apparently he decides to be good. For now. He lets Jingyi speak first to explain himself, even if there's basically a waterfall's worth of words being poured out over him. But Inigo knows that Jingyi is just like that, and so he respects his friend for who he is, giving him the chance to speak
his truth.Though all he's left with when the other comes to that final part is just a: ]
Uh.. thank you.
[ It's just awkward, because.. what does he say in the face of that? How does he deal with people wanting him to be happy? He'll never get it.
Instead he just moves a hand up to his neck, awkwardly rubbing it a little. ]
You're really kind in your own way, Jingyi, but.. I'm not hurt over the gift thing. Really! [ The dating comment was so much worse comparatively, in Inigo's mind. ] It is pretty much my own fault in the first place, anyway.
[ After all, if he hadn't told Jingyi about his issue, then Jingyi would never have told Tidus that he's not fit to date, and this whole awkward situation never would have happened. ]
I just hope you guys won't be mad at each other. I like you both way too much to have to deal with that.
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Likewise, Jingyi looks like he feels better (how is this helpful) for having voiced what bothered him, and hearing what is or isn't bothering Inigo about it in return. Though he... frowns. )
No, I'm not mad at him, or I mean, yes a little, but not in a "put your fists up" way. Annoyed at what he did. He was annoyed over the same thing.
( Over what he perceived Jingyi to have done, but it's the same thing in the end. )
It's not worth holding a grudge over. And it's not your own fault, Inigo, I chose to talk with him. You're not responsible for that, unless you're wanting to say you regret ever confiding in me—and that's fair, if you do.
( Heed not the tail that sinks at that thought, because oh, no, maybe he super fucked up? FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL MEANS SELF-PUNISHMENT TIME this is going to be a day isn't it )
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[ It's said so quickly, like a knee-jerking reflex. The last thing Inigo wants to do here is to make Jingyi feel like that is the truth here - though there's always some baseline level of regret when he tells anyone absolutely anything, but that really doesn't have anything to do with Jingyi in particular as much as Inigo just sucks at sharing anything.
So he shakes his head, the look in his eyes turning more puppy-like by the moment as he speaks. ]
It's.. really sweet, you know? That you care so much about me, and about my happiness. [ Especially when - relatively speaking - they're still semi-new friends. Jingyi cares so easily, though that's a trait that's reflected within Inigo himself as well. ] Thank you for looking out for me.
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His tail lashes a little on the ground, mostly the heavily furred tip twitching. )
Yeah, well, that's what friends do. You're welcome.
( Not that he looks suddenly happy, since he doesn't, but he sighs, and the drawn nature of his features relaxes some. )
Shared burdens, okay?
( You nice ones are the ones who don't remember to do the sharing, versus, well, him. Who complains enough he ends up sharing burdens even if people are possibly struggling to exit stage left to not hear him complain. )
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.. Yes. I remember.
[ He's trying, okay! He could just have ran away, but look, he's trying to at least talk with Jingyi here. Baby steps. ]
But-- trust me. I really don't feel bad about the gift thing at all. [ He's not lying about that.
Inigo wouldn't lie after the reminder about shared burdens. ]
Just a little bad about the reminder of the 'no dating' thing, but.. I can deal with that. [ He's a big boy! A big boy who occasionally just has a good cry. ] .. How about you? Are you alright right now? Are we okay?
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( That, he figures, is indeed a culture thing, but if it's not one for Inigo (just as he figures now it isn't one for Tidus), then he can let it go too. With a huff. Not even a mental one, he just huffs. )
If you say... hey, do you want a hug?
( For the no dating thing, which at this point Jingyi thinks is more a work in progress of Tidus dealing with guilt over loving more than one person at a time, but being, you know, dumb about it. Heavenspeed to them both. )
I'm fine, and why wouldn't we be okay?
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