[ That almost gets him to laugh, but it comes out as another cough. It's over now? No. No, it's only just begun, hasn't it? He is a fool, and he has always played the fool even before. Always the one dreaming too big, the one who had no say in the matters of the real world. The one who made the wrong decisions, who chose the wrong things that led to doom, to despair, to death. Is this his punishment for being selfish? For choosing to accept time and time again a role of which he was not worthy -
- He shakes his head. His memory is growing muddled. These are not his words, these are not his fears. Except that they are, and the air is too thick for him to take calming breaths despite the attempts for distance. Aware of the two pairs of eyes staring at him for sense, but all he wants to do his hide, run, climb the highest mountain to take a breath. The empty hand, stained with grime and dirt, the one Halo held as she disappeared...he loathes how heavy it feels. He loathes every decision he's ever taken, risk and reward thrown out the window even as he preaches it to Tidus every now and again. Contact the ministry? What a joke.
What has he done? To them? To the people he now holds too dear to shy away from? ]
No. We'll bandage it, or nothing. I'll walk it off till camp.
[ Though Roland won't meet Tidus's gaze then, the second offer to heal him with his magic is denied, this time with more force. There is no other answer acceptable to him at the moment. None at all. He can't do it. He can't see that light come out of him, not when Inigo is watching and Roland can imagine everyone he's ever met on this train suffering the same fate, all because the train is destroyed out of being an anomaly the ministry could not understand, the train being chasing like a wild dog - ]
...We can't stand around and chat any longer. I assume Kaiba was able to escape and spread the news on the SCA line? [ He finds some semblance of calm, some steadying force coming from the pit of his stomach, unnatural as it is. It's what's needed. Necessary. They have no time. He has no time to wallow. He has to keep moving. For them. ] Is that how you two knew when to call? Did...Did you meet a world miner?
[ First thing's first. He's worried but if they're here unscathed, then that must mean they just ran here, right? They didn't fight. They're not hurt. It's going to be okay.
[ This whole situation feels so wrong. That look earlier on Roland's face, the way he's completely shutting down Tidus's offer to help heal him, despite there not being any clear or obvious reason for it. The way he's shutting down any and all of their inquiries, just putting on that calm face again, telling them they have to go.
And maybe Roland is right. No, he's probably right, considering standing around here talking is just about the worst possible thing to do when there's danger lurking around, when there are people seemingly out to hurt anyone who gets in their way.
But still-- ]
You can't do this.
[ There's obvious desperation in Inigo's voice that he doesn't bother to hide. ]
You can't just-- just pretend nothing is wrong when a moment ago you were looking terrified! [ Maybe it's hypocritical for Inigo of all people to say that, but he's been trying. It may not always succeed, but he's been trying to share more and more of his actual worries with Tidus and Roland lately, so maybe that's why it extra hurts to get shut right out when he's more worried about Roland than he's ever been.
Inigo glances over at Tidus, the desperation now visible in his face as well, hoping the other will agree with him - or at least understand. They can't just let Roland do this, right? Pretend everything is right when it obviously isn't? They both know the guy - he'd carry it with him to his grave, constantly worrying about it, even if he wouldn't mention it out loud.
His gaze turns back to Roland. Still not stepping closer to keep giving him space in case he needs it, but not shutting up just yet. ]
You can't just shut down Tidus's offer to help without any explanation! How would you feel if we were the ones doing that to you, huh?! If you found either of us by ourselves like that, you'd want to know what was up too! [ Maybe he's getting a little too worked up, but he can't help it. Inigo has been so incredibly worried about the other for the past hour or so, and now it's all just spilling over, the tears he was barely trying to contain and stop a moment ago now starting to flow again. ]
[ Inigo puts into words a nagging, more of a tug, that Tidus feels when Roland dismisses his healing. For no reason, even though it'd be quicker, easier - less fuss. But he's stonewalled, refused, and neither of them understand, they don't understand anything of what's going on.
He appreciates then, some answer to the difficulty in his own stomach. Fingers clenching around the salve jar in hand, so utterly swung into a muddling pit of emotions different from the worry and stress they'd been going through before, but not different at all. Just a different texture, more unsettling to the gut.
A fear of not knowing, except the source is Roland himself. ]
Fine. [ The salve goes back - it'd be too much of a hassle like this, and if Roland wants to hurry - and he brings out another bottle. Quicker, holds it out. An X-Potion, recognisable only by the colouring that makes it stand out from the others. ] Drink it. But you need to talk to us. You need to explain what's happening!
[ For once, he's the more speechless of the two, feeling displaced; voice not as confident as it should be. ]
[ He holds back the wince at the sudden movement, forgetting his injured shoulder is the closest arm to the X-Potion. It didn't matter, since he downs it as fast as he can, potion spilling from the corners of his lips, drops against dirtied skin and clothes. Roland keeps to an almost eerie state of calm as he feels the effects wash over him in an instant. Wounds starting to dull without ache, the scratches carefully managed from the inside.
The words are so laden with fear that he can hear it echo in his head. He's compromised. He's completely and utterly compromised, and these two had to be the first to see him at his weakest, at the point where he's filled with dread and doubt about being able to actually protect them. The job he set out to do, the vow he gave to them both -
Roland shakes his head and finally looks up to meet their gaze. First to Inigo's, then to Tidus. His body leans back against the tree, but he doesn't slide or sit. Roland just rests. ]
You're right. [ He chews on his bottom lip for a moment, looks at the dirt around their feet. There's a lot he wants to say but it's always been so hard to do it, to just come out and say it. So he tempers the words, makes sure he only gives what he can, a little at a time. ] I don't know how much you've been told, but around an hour ago, five of us received a weird signal on the SCA. [ The tale he recounts sounds like he's had time to rehearse it; the truth is, he's reliving it again and again. Exhausted. ] It led us straight down there - [ He points with his good arm. ] - and the spot where we all met up was quiet, and it looked like something destroyed the surrounding area. Like something fell from the sky and tried to make a landing.
[ He throws the empty X-Potion to the existing pile. ] It was myself, Kaiba, Curufin, a newcomer named Koumyou Sanzo, and...Reno. [ Quick to the draw, he raises another hand, dismissing anything. It's fine, he says quietly. Nothing happened. ] We decided to follow the signal, but the farther down that path we went, the more suspicious things became. All SCA communication lines started failing. We couldn't reach anyone on the train.
[ He looks at their faces again, intensely, as if committing them to absolute memory. The apology is not heard in what he says, but in how he says it. ] I wanted to call. I had a bad feeling. I wanted you both to stick together in case something went south. But I couldn't. And we had to keep going, no one could turn back.
[ I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't know. I didn't know what we would find, I just wanted you both to be safe. ]
Of course it doesn't just instantly make everything better. Inigo knows that. It does nothing about the emotion they saw on Roland's face just earlier, or the way he seems so utterly exhausted now. It does very little about Inigo and Tidus's own worries about the other. But it's a start, right? If they know what's up, they can help. Or at least-- at least figure something out. Somehow.
It's still enough to relax just a tiny bit of the tension about Inigo. It doesn't stop the tears from still flowing, though right now they're utterly silent, as if he wouldn't dare to interrupt Roland's story with a single sound. He doesn't even say anything when Roland starts about Reno, not even before he holds up that hand.
The only thing Inigo does do is take a step sideways, just so he's directly next to Tidus. Taking the other's hand into his own. He feels a little guilty, knowing that this is much more his sort of thing than it is Tidus's sort of thing, but he just-- he needs this comfort right now, after everything, during this. It's the only way he can hold on.
Other than that he just listens, not even being the one to speak up this time when Roland stops for a moment. ]
[ It doesn't erase from Tidus either, this unsettled feeling. Then what? What happened? Did you get separated? Why are you so freaked out?
They're all questions Tidus wants to ask, but they won't come out from his throat. His hand taken into Inigo's, but he doesn't react, not pulling away or squeezing it like he might. A spur of emotion himself at the mention before of Reno, but otherwise - his emotions are complicated, dulled at the same time.
He figures he has to make a decision. Let Roland keep speaking, or - but nothing feels right about it. This area, the discarded collection of bottles by Roland. The way he tries to dismiss and cover up that look that's haunting both him and Inigo. He knows without even asking. Why didn't you want me healing you-? ]
Look- [ He speaks up, uneasy, impatient in tone. ] Let's finish this elsewhere, alright? Let's get outta here. You're worried about an attack. So let's get away from here first!
[ Maybe he just wants to run. Run, for all the aching still in his own body, ignored by the numbing disquiet of this whole reunion. ]
[ Why he's so apprehensive to move from his spot is a mystery even to Roland. He hasn't felt this lost in his own turbulence in quite some time, and even then he had a stronger semblance of control. That might be the worst part of this entire debacle; knowing he could have reacted to everything so much better, and being aware of it but somehow lacking in control. But what would his steely level-headedness accomplish when his mind is reeling with guilt - guilt that made sense.
Who's been leaving hints for the ministry to find? Who has been potentially leading them all to their permanent deaths? If the train was tracked and attacked...The gold dust, the fading of a body that he could not save, and now here they are, two reminders that if he fails a second time, then perhaps he deserves to be erased from existence.
Roland takes more deep breaths. Counts to five after every inhale, before he lets out a steady stream of warm air, out of his nose, repeating the cycle. His hand, dried with blood that might not even be his, rubs at the bridge of his nose. ]
...Captain Halo. [ He swallows thickly. ] Captain Halo of the Voidflash. [ Roland drops his hand away from his face looking at Inigo and Tidus with an earnest expression, almost beggingly so... ] The world miners who've infiltrated the planet attacked her as she gave them chase, and she crashed at the landing site where the five of us came from.
[ A decisive shake of his head. His voice drops low. ] She died of her injuries, but was able to warn us ahead of time. That's not what I - what I mean to say is...She just...
[ He can't. He can't say a thing. His tongue won't work, his mind is jammed, and all he can remember is the fading, the truth, the light. It's not her death per se that takes ahold of Roland's better sensibilities, though he is saddened at the loss of life. No, it's what she reveals that's thrown him completely off his game. I don't know what happens now.
All five of them bear witness to it, long enough to fill in the details. Without the voidcraft, you die. All of them. He takes one final steadying breath before attempting to look as he once did before the two of them find him in the clearing: brows furrowed and his mouth in a grim, straight line. Hard gaze that meets worried ones, but he doesn't know how to accept his own mistakes. Not yet. So Roland bargains as he's never done before. ]
Give me time. I promise, I'll tell you both everything. More than the world miners, Captain Halo she...she told us things that I need to think about. I need to understand for myself. [ 'No, no you understand plenty, don't you Roland?' ]
[ And while it looked like for that brief moment, Roland is at last ready to move back in with the two standing before him, ready to return to camp and prepare for the coming attack...He can't help but allow himself to take it all in. Their faces, the shape of their form and the builds of their bodies. Afraid of such a time that he'll have to watch them - ]
[ He pushes himself carefully away from the tree, slow and steady. ]
I'm just happy to see you two okay. [ Alive. Alive. ]
[ For a moment Inigo is terrified that Tidus will shrug his hand off, but even though the other doesn't react positively to it either, the lack of a reaction by itself feels like enough for now. Because Inigo just doesn't know what he'd do without this, without at least something to hold on to when everything feels so uncertain. When the tears keep coming, and it feels like his heart is trying to pound its way out of his chest with adrenaline.
And then - also thankfully - Roland begins to speak. About someone else - also traveling through the void? - who met the threat that's currently in this world with them. About watching someone die. Which is awful, but.. Inigo already thinks it can't be the full reason behind the way Roland is looking right now. Inigo has never seen Roland look that scared over any regular danger, not during any mission.
There's more. Confirmed by Roland himself as he speaks on. ]
.. okay. [ But Inigo just gives in, grants him that permission for extra time. Even if there's more, it's obvious that Roland is in no shape to talk about it yet, so Inigo won't force the man to say more than this. At least this way he's not burying everything.
Even though he himself is still sniffing, trying to wipe off his tears on his sleeve. Dumb. He shouldn't be crying at a moment like this, when things are truly dangerous for all of them. ]
Tidus-- Tidus is right.
[ Inigo slowly releases his hold on the other's hand. ]
We should get going to a safer place. And stick together.
[ It's an explanation, one that Tidus wasn't expecting. Not now, not right here; allowing Roland to speak later, but his mouth and thoughts taking their own control of him. An explanation he can't finish, further displaying a man neither have bear witnessed to before. Tidus hasn't -- and he can only assume that whatever's shaken him is more than just the lost of a life. Something more, about the void or -- them.
The hand drops out of his, and he looks Inigo's way, but doesn't think about it. Too strung, too exhausted. He nods, a hand clasping when he thinks about using a barrier spell just in case--
but he stops before more than the flicker of a pyrefly can be seen begin to take form, lowers the fist, unfurling, stepping away. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
no subject
- He shakes his head. His memory is growing muddled. These are not his words, these are not his fears. Except that they are, and the air is too thick for him to take calming breaths despite the attempts for distance. Aware of the two pairs of eyes staring at him for sense, but all he wants to do his hide, run, climb the highest mountain to take a breath. The empty hand, stained with grime and dirt, the one Halo held as she disappeared...he loathes how heavy it feels. He loathes every decision he's ever taken, risk and reward thrown out the window even as he preaches it to Tidus every now and again. Contact the ministry? What a joke.
What has he done? To them? To the people he now holds too dear to shy away from? ]
No. We'll bandage it, or nothing. I'll walk it off till camp.
[ Though Roland won't meet Tidus's gaze then, the second offer to heal him with his magic is denied, this time with more force. There is no other answer acceptable to him at the moment. None at all. He can't do it. He can't see that light come out of him, not when Inigo is watching and Roland can imagine everyone he's ever met on this train suffering the same fate, all because the train is destroyed out of being an anomaly the ministry could not understand, the train being chasing like a wild dog - ]
...We can't stand around and chat any longer. I assume Kaiba was able to escape and spread the news on the SCA line? [ He finds some semblance of calm, some steadying force coming from the pit of his stomach, unnatural as it is. It's what's needed. Necessary. They have no time. He has no time to wallow. He has to keep moving. For them. ] Is that how you two knew when to call? Did...Did you meet a world miner?
[ First thing's first. He's worried but if they're here unscathed, then that must mean they just ran here, right? They didn't fight. They're not hurt. It's going to be okay.
They're going to disappear.]no subject
And maybe Roland is right. No, he's probably right, considering standing around here talking is just about the worst possible thing to do when there's danger lurking around, when there are people seemingly out to hurt anyone who gets in their way.
But still-- ]
You can't do this.
[ There's obvious desperation in Inigo's voice that he doesn't bother to hide. ]
You can't just-- just pretend nothing is wrong when a moment ago you were looking terrified! [ Maybe it's hypocritical for Inigo of all people to say that, but he's been trying. It may not always succeed, but he's been trying to share more and more of his actual worries with Tidus and Roland lately, so maybe that's why it extra hurts to get shut right out when he's more worried about Roland than he's ever been.
Inigo glances over at Tidus, the desperation now visible in his face as well, hoping the other will agree with him - or at least understand. They can't just let Roland do this, right? Pretend everything is right when it obviously isn't? They both know the guy - he'd carry it with him to his grave, constantly worrying about it, even if he wouldn't mention it out loud.
His gaze turns back to Roland. Still not stepping closer to keep giving him space in case he needs it, but not shutting up just yet. ]
You can't just shut down Tidus's offer to help without any explanation! How would you feel if we were the ones doing that to you, huh?! If you found either of us by ourselves like that, you'd want to know what was up too! [ Maybe he's getting a little too worked up, but he can't help it. Inigo has been so incredibly worried about the other for the past hour or so, and now it's all just spilling over, the tears he was barely trying to contain and stop a moment ago now starting to flow again. ]
no subject
He appreciates then, some answer to the difficulty in his own stomach. Fingers clenching around the salve jar in hand, so utterly swung into a muddling pit of emotions different from the worry and stress they'd been going through before, but not different at all. Just a different texture, more unsettling to the gut.
A fear of not knowing, except the source is Roland himself. ]
Fine. [ The salve goes back - it'd be too much of a hassle like this, and if Roland wants to hurry - and he brings out another bottle. Quicker, holds it out. An X-Potion, recognisable only by the colouring that makes it stand out from the others. ] Drink it. But you need to talk to us. You need to explain what's happening!
[ For once, he's the more speechless of the two, feeling displaced; voice not as confident as it should be. ]
no subject
The words are so laden with fear that he can hear it echo in his head. He's compromised. He's completely and utterly compromised, and these two had to be the first to see him at his weakest, at the point where he's filled with dread and doubt about being able to actually protect them. The job he set out to do, the vow he gave to them both -
Roland shakes his head and finally looks up to meet their gaze. First to Inigo's, then to Tidus. His body leans back against the tree, but he doesn't slide or sit. Roland just rests. ]
You're right. [ He chews on his bottom lip for a moment, looks at the dirt around their feet. There's a lot he wants to say but it's always been so hard to do it, to just come out and say it. So he tempers the words, makes sure he only gives what he can, a little at a time. ] I don't know how much you've been told, but around an hour ago, five of us received a weird signal on the SCA. [ The tale he recounts sounds like he's had time to rehearse it; the truth is, he's reliving it again and again. Exhausted. ] It led us straight down there - [ He points with his good arm. ] - and the spot where we all met up was quiet, and it looked like something destroyed the surrounding area. Like something fell from the sky and tried to make a landing.
[ He throws the empty X-Potion to the existing pile. ] It was myself, Kaiba, Curufin, a newcomer named Koumyou Sanzo, and...Reno. [ Quick to the draw, he raises another hand, dismissing anything. It's fine, he says quietly. Nothing happened. ] We decided to follow the signal, but the farther down that path we went, the more suspicious things became. All SCA communication lines started failing. We couldn't reach anyone on the train.
[ He looks at their faces again, intensely, as if committing them to absolute memory. The apology is not heard in what he says, but in how he says it. ] I wanted to call. I had a bad feeling. I wanted you both to stick together in case something went south. But I couldn't. And we had to keep going, no one could turn back.
[ I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't know. I didn't know what we would find, I just wanted you both to be safe. ]
no subject
Of course it doesn't just instantly make everything better. Inigo knows that. It does nothing about the emotion they saw on Roland's face just earlier, or the way he seems so utterly exhausted now. It does very little about Inigo and Tidus's own worries about the other. But it's a start, right? If they know what's up, they can help. Or at least-- at least figure something out. Somehow.
It's still enough to relax just a tiny bit of the tension about Inigo. It doesn't stop the tears from still flowing, though right now they're utterly silent, as if he wouldn't dare to interrupt Roland's story with a single sound. He doesn't even say anything when Roland starts about Reno, not even before he holds up that hand.
The only thing Inigo does do is take a step sideways, just so he's directly next to Tidus. Taking the other's hand into his own. He feels a little guilty, knowing that this is much more his sort of thing than it is Tidus's sort of thing, but he just-- he needs this comfort right now, after everything, during this. It's the only way he can hold on.
Other than that he just listens, not even being the one to speak up this time when Roland stops for a moment. ]
no subject
They're all questions Tidus wants to ask, but they won't come out from his throat. His hand taken into Inigo's, but he doesn't react, not pulling away or squeezing it like he might. A spur of emotion himself at the mention before of Reno, but otherwise - his emotions are complicated, dulled at the same time.
He figures he has to make a decision. Let Roland keep speaking, or - but nothing feels right about it. This area, the discarded collection of bottles by Roland. The way he tries to dismiss and cover up that look that's haunting both him and Inigo. He knows without even asking. Why didn't you want me healing you-? ]
Look- [ He speaks up, uneasy, impatient in tone. ] Let's finish this elsewhere, alright? Let's get outta here. You're worried about an attack. So let's get away from here first!
[ Maybe he just wants to run. Run, for all the aching still in his own body, ignored by the numbing disquiet of this whole reunion. ]
no subject
[ Why he's so apprehensive to move from his spot is a mystery even to Roland. He hasn't felt this lost in his own turbulence in quite some time, and even then he had a stronger semblance of control. That might be the worst part of this entire debacle; knowing he could have reacted to everything so much better, and being aware of it but somehow lacking in control. But what would his steely level-headedness accomplish when his mind is reeling with guilt - guilt that made sense.
Who's been leaving hints for the ministry to find? Who has been potentially leading them all to their permanent deaths? If the train was tracked and attacked...The gold dust, the fading of a body that he could not save, and now here they are, two reminders that if he fails a second time, then perhaps he deserves to be erased from existence.
Roland takes more deep breaths. Counts to five after every inhale, before he lets out a steady stream of warm air, out of his nose, repeating the cycle. His hand, dried with blood that might not even be his, rubs at the bridge of his nose. ]
...Captain Halo. [ He swallows thickly. ] Captain Halo of the Voidflash. [ Roland drops his hand away from his face looking at Inigo and Tidus with an earnest expression, almost beggingly so... ] The world miners who've infiltrated the planet attacked her as she gave them chase, and she crashed at the landing site where the five of us came from.
[ A decisive shake of his head. His voice drops low. ] She died of her injuries, but was able to warn us ahead of time. That's not what I - what I mean to say is...She just...
[ He can't. He can't say a thing. His tongue won't work, his mind is jammed, and all he can remember is the fading, the truth, the light. It's not her death per se that takes ahold of Roland's better sensibilities, though he is saddened at the loss of life. No, it's what she reveals that's thrown him completely off his game. I don't know what happens now.
All five of them bear witness to it, long enough to fill in the details. Without the voidcraft, you die. All of them. He takes one final steadying breath before attempting to look as he once did before the two of them find him in the clearing: brows furrowed and his mouth in a grim, straight line. Hard gaze that meets worried ones, but he doesn't know how to accept his own mistakes. Not yet. So Roland bargains as he's never done before. ]
Give me time. I promise, I'll tell you both everything. More than the world miners, Captain Halo she...she told us things that I need to think about. I need to understand for myself. [ 'No, no you understand plenty, don't you Roland?' ]
[ And while it looked like for that brief moment, Roland is at last ready to move back in with the two standing before him, ready to return to camp and prepare for the coming attack...He can't help but allow himself to take it all in. Their faces, the shape of their form and the builds of their bodies. Afraid of such a time that he'll have to watch them - ]
[ He pushes himself carefully away from the tree, slow and steady. ]
I'm just happy to see you two okay. [ Alive. Alive. ]
no subject
And then - also thankfully - Roland begins to speak. About someone else - also traveling through the void? - who met the threat that's currently in this world with them. About watching someone die. Which is awful, but.. Inigo already thinks it can't be the full reason behind the way Roland is looking right now. Inigo has never seen Roland look that scared over any regular danger, not during any mission.
There's more. Confirmed by Roland himself as he speaks on. ]
.. okay. [ But Inigo just gives in, grants him that permission for extra time. Even if there's more, it's obvious that Roland is in no shape to talk about it yet, so Inigo won't force the man to say more than this. At least this way he's not burying everything.
Even though he himself is still sniffing, trying to wipe off his tears on his sleeve. Dumb. He shouldn't be crying at a moment like this, when things are truly dangerous for all of them. ]
Tidus-- Tidus is right.
[ Inigo slowly releases his hold on the other's hand. ]
We should get going to a safer place. And stick together.
no subject
The hand drops out of his, and he looks Inigo's way, but doesn't think about it. Too strung, too exhausted. He nods, a hand clasping when he thinks about using a barrier spell just in case--
but he stops before more than the flicker of a pyrefly can be seen begin to take form, lowers the fist, unfurling, stepping away. ]
Right. Let's go.