blitzcheer: (blitz blitz blitz blitz on the brain)
Tidus ([personal profile] blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
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for any threads not put on the communities, w/e.
flatteries: (i could spill my guts out)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-03 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Inigo does sit down on the other's lap. Which, to be fair, was what he planned on doing in the first place after sending Tidus over to the bed.. but it was with an entirely different mood in mind. Without this heavy feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach, the one he wants to think about as little as possible right now, since he feels more like crying the more he thinks of it.

He should just stick to what he told Jingyi, he thinks when Tidus moves to hold him. This setup is great because it allows him to pretend. Just like right now, when he's sitting on Tidus's lap, when the other is embracing him in such a vulnerable and emotional way. It's easy to pretend Tidus would like him that way. That he does, right now.

Under no circumstances should he allow himself to get too carried away and think it might be real one day. He should watch what he says carefully.

The only thing that rips him out of those thoughts is Tidus's unfinished sentence. Because Inigo has been hard on himself often enough to know the sound of when someone is about to do so.

Inigo releases a breath before raising his hands, putting them on Tidus's cheeks, thumbs gently stroking the skin there. He hopes this isn't too much, that it won't make Tidus panic all over again. Inigo hopes that maybe the fact that he doesn't sound sultry or coy anymore at all when he speaks up might help. ]


Hey, don't worry so much about it. [ His voice is soft, little above a whisper. But his tone sounds genuine, and more than anything, it sounds like he's trying to comfort the other.

This feels easier. It's so much easier to comfort someone else than to take care of the hurt in his own heart. ]


You're fine, Tidus.. you're doing great. There's no need for do-overs when nothing's ruined in the first place.

[ Inigo leans in a little closer. Keeping his hands on Tidus's cheeks, but now pressing his lips against the other guy's, closing his eyes. ]
flatteries: (i used to feel it too)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-03 07:21 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Inigo does take the kiss deeper - practically the first opportunity he gets for it. After all, the last thing he wants to do right now is think. He can already feel his thoughts and feelings going into the dumbest places right about now, and he can't keep himself together if he lingers on those too long.

He wants his mind to be empty, to not think of anything. To forget about all this misery, and to just lose himself in the moment.

It's why he parts his lips, coaxing Tidus to do the same - and to move in the moment the other allows him access, seeming weirdly frenzied about it. His hands move from Tidus's cheeks, briefly stroking through his hair before landing on his shoulders, pushing against Tidus's shirt as if it has to go.

Inigo almost forgets to breathe in the middle of all of it. ]
flatteries: (she said i know what you're scared of)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-03 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It seems that Inigo had temporarily forgotten the fact that Tidus has much easier access to Inigo's skin than he usually would have. It's why he shivers, something Tidus should be able to feel more than ever before considering Inigo is still sitting on his lap, the moment he feels those hands on his waist, and then later fingers sneaking right under his top.

More. He wants more of it. He just wants to be touched by Tidus and forget about anything else. Inigo's face grows red, his mouth hanging open slightly, his eyes already half-lidded. It doesn't seem to be on purpose like earlier though. There's nothing about this he thought through beforehand.

It's all just the desperation of the moment. The same desperation that brings him back to Tidus's lips, kissing him deeply once more. Inigo's hands move over Tidus's body - down his shoulders, across his pecs, down to his abs. There's even a rush in those movements. Something still desperate, or perhaps greedy.

The kiss is only interrupted when Inigo pulls his face off Tidus's briefly, only to speak. To stare into the other's eyes, to see what he'll find there. ]


I.. I wanted.. to ride you today.

[ That had been the whole plan, even if he can't be super confident and charming about it anymore now. Even if he just wants to do it now because it'll keep him busy the whole time, unable to think. ]

Can we still do that..?
flatteries: (i've memorized that phrase by heart)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-04 03:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ That half-shy, half-embarrassed state he's getting from Tidus isn't lost on Inigo. After all, how could it be, when the two of them are this close? It's hard to miss even the slightest twitch of Tidus's face when their faces are this close together, and Inigo feels more uncertainty pile up on the anxious feelings already dwelling in the pit of his stomach.

Did he ask for too much? Does Tidus not want to do that either? He's agreeing, so he must not hate the idea, but.. then what was that look for just now? Inigo is trying really hard to not be overwhelming here!

It feels as if he can't do anything right. Part of him just wants to run out of the room, but if anything could make things worse at this point, it's that. So he doesn't. He forces himself to stay right here where he is, on Tidus's lap, and forces a slight smile on his face. ]


If you want to..

[ His voice trails off for a moment though, in that way that means he's inevitably got more to say. His hands trail back up to Tidus's shoulders, and he shakes his head. ]

Like I said.. I just.. wanted things to be nice for you tonight. So if you don't want to, or you'd prefer something else.. You can tell me, you know? [ Come on, Inigo. Be better about this, he tells himself, and forces his smile to grow just a little bit bigger, even with his cheeks still pink. ] You don't have to go along with anything for my sake.

[ Is that what that look Tidus was giving him just now was all about? It kind of feels like it to Inigo. ]
flatteries: (it's empty in the valley of your heart)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-05 06:43 am (UTC)(link)
[ It always feels deceptively easy at moments like these. Because it's like Tidus is putting the ball right in front of an open goal when he says things like that. 'You could be with anyone', he says, and Inigo can feel words already bubbling up in the back of his throat, as if he could just say them.

I want to be here with you. I only want to do this with you. Tidus, I--

But he stops himself. He knows it's deceptively easy for sure. It seems easy now, but he's going to regret it the moment the words leave his mouth - the moment Tidus turns him down or call him a huge weirdo for even feeling this way in the first place.

It leaves him just staring at the other, looking a bit like a goldfish with the way his mouth hangs slightly open. Inigo nervously licks his lips, and something about the look in his eyes fades a little, the constant smile in them finally giving way to something a bit more unsure.

He hates this. Hates his insecurities, hates that the mixed up feelings in his stomach always return to this, even at the most useless of times, like right this very instance. He hates that he couldn't just stick with it. ]


I wasn't.. roleplaying. [ At least he can admit to that part, though it already feels like it toes dangerously close to other things. But he tries to say it like he's just clarifying.

Especially when it feels like what Tidus is saying is instead close to heading into that direction. ]


It's just-- [ His gaze drops too. ] You said you liked it when I was confident. So I wanted to be like that for you.
flatteries: (i etched a face of a stopwatch)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-05 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It does make sense.

Maybe a little bit too much sense. Sure, Inigo agrees that he likes it just fine when both of them are just himself - he totally fall for Tidus for who he is, after all. Even though they bicker like a bunch of toddlers every other hour. Even though they whine, and complain, and bicker and make up.. He likes Tidus. He likes all of him.

It's why that other part still kind of hurts. Even though he knows it's just because Tidus doesn't know. That's exactly why the other can say that what Inigo said isn't in character for him - because he doesn't know that those words were exactly what he does feel.

He does't avoid Tidus's gaze, if the other glances over at him. But Inigo doesn't immediately reply. He just stays there, right on Tidus's lap, taking in a slight breath, breathing it out again. ]


I..

[ He feels weirdly small. Terrified. The anxiety that has settled in his stomach is starting to form knots, totally forgetting any of it. The clothes. The makeup. ]

I meant that part though. About you being handsome. [ Can he say that? It's not like he's admitting to the full truth when he says that, right? It's not like he's saying he likes Tidus, it's just.. Just that he's admitting to an objective fact.

(Then why does he still feel so nervous anyway?) ]


Is it.. so bad to hear that..?
flatteries: (you're alone; you're on your own)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-05 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Inigo stares at Tidus, carefully taking in everything about the other guy right now. Every little movement, every little breath. But it's hard. Inigo doesn't know how much of the way he's interpreting it all in his head is just because of his own insecurities, or how much of it is just due to objective reality.

Because right now - it all feels like the latter in his mind. He stares at Tidus while the other talks, and everything seems to point at the same thing. It just sounded like more, Tidus says, and it doesn't sound like he's exactly excited about the idea.

I hope you feel up to talking to him sooner and not later, Jingyi had told him. Inigo mentally apologizes to the other. He can't. He can't say it, even if it makes him a coward. Everything points towards Tidus just being totally weirded out by the idea of it, let alone it actually happening.

His heart is breaking, but Inigo shakes his head, forces himself to smile as wide as possible all over again. It's a miracle that he's not breaking out into tears at the same time. ]


Sorry, sorry!

[ It's a bit of a mood shift compared to his tone a moment ago, but what else is he supposed to do? Get upset and be unable to tell Tidus why? Ruin their whole night together, just because he's an idiot who caught feelings? He can't, so he'll just smile like a fool, no matter how much it hurts. ]

I guess I got.. way too carried away.

[ He laughs, and a hand reaches up, feeling for the tiara in his hair before grabbing a hold of it and pulling it out of his hair, off his head.

(Stupid, what was he thinking, that Tidus would see him like this and suddenly end up attracted to him after all?)

Both of his hands leave Tidus, even though he's still sitting on the other's lap, to instead fiddle with the tiara as he holds it in both of his hands. ]


You're right, I-- [ --didn't mean it that way. ] Of course it wasn't like that! I was just whining about other stuff that first time, and..

[ He sucks in a breath. Come on, Inigo. You can do this. ]

I'm just being silly. I promise that next time I do a surprise, it'll be less weird. So don't worry about it too much right now, yeah? It's fine. Let's just keep going.
Edited 2021-08-05 20:28 (UTC)
flatteries: (i heard the piledriver waltz)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-05 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)
[ No.

Inigo wants to beg for this to stop. For this moment in time to somehow be erased. This is just about everything he doesn't want, everything he never wanted. He'd pay anything he got just for Tidus to ignore all this and keep going again.

Please. Just not this. Anything but this.

Because every word Tidus is saying just feels like it makes it worse. Even though Inigo knows that Tidus means to be reassuring by repeating he's not weird like that, it's like a hammer slamming him into the ground with each iteration. And then all those other things he's saying--

It's obvious. He's just trying to comfort Inigo ahead of the inevitable, trying to make its impact less difficult to bear, but Inigo knows it's not going to be.

This is unfair. Why is Tidus forcing him to say it all the same, when it sounds like the other already knows? When - even worse - it already sounds like the other knows the outcome too?

Inigo feels sick, and he retreats. Moving off Tidus's lap, away from those arms, standing back up. His heart beats so quickly that it feels unhealthy, like it's about to make him throw up. ]


What do you want me to say if you already know? [ He doesn't look at Tidus as he says it, his gaze trained onto his own feet as if it's glued there. ]
flatteries: (i know my call despite my faults)

[personal profile] flatteries 2021-08-05 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
.. no. [ Inigo slowly says. Not to everything Tidus says, because he knows that there's no way to stop this now, that there's so much more in the words Tidus doesn't say here than what he does say.

Instead it's just a 'no' to-- ]


You.. take the room. For tonight.

[ It feels hard to even speak. Inigo can feel himself trembling like a leaf, even though he keeps his voice steady.

And even though he can already feel the tears forming in his eyes, his face smiles before he even realises it. Because his body just doesn't have any other reaction to this, other than to fall back into what's natural to do now. What it has practiced, over and over.

The tiara drops from his fingers, clattering against the ground. ]


It's.. my fault. So it's okay. You can have space. [ Where is Inigo going to go while looking like this? He has no idea. But it doesn't feel fair to send Tidus out for tonight when this is natural. When Inigo has known for months and months that this would inevitably happen, and that it'd be all his own fault.

He's already stepping over to the door without stopping, his steps speeding up until he's out of the door. He'll just go wherever. He'll find some spot to curl up. ]