[ Does Inigo feel tired after everything? Of course. Somewhere between being hauled back to the train through the void and jumping in on the rescue of a few people himself, he can feel the exhaustion in his bones as well.
But he knows that it's not the worst for him. He knows that the people who stayed back on the train - or who got to, anyway, since it's not exactly like Inigo voluntarily left - got the worst of it. They had to pull back so many people. And Inigo knows Tidus well enough to know that the other must have dragged back so many more people aside from just him, aside from the people he saw Tidus rescue. Tidus must have exhausted himself in making sure every single person would end up back on the train, rather than lost out there in the void.
So Inigo isn't surprised when he wakes up ahead of Tidus. He slowly blinks, his eyes adjusting to the sight of their room, the first time he's woken up here again in days. It feels familiar, yet a little strange all the same, leaving Inigo staring up at the ceiling for a few moments until the familiar soft breathing next to him draws his attention instead.
He turns his head, spotting the obvious there. Tidus, still asleep. His hair all messy from turning in bed in his sleep, his eyes closed, his breathing steady.
.. he really missed this. Inigo was honestly so afraid that he'd never see this again. That he'd forever be stuck in that state he was in for the last few days, having disappeared out into the void just like everyone who had left the train. He thought he wouldn't see Tidus again, wouldn't have the experience of waking up next to him anymore like this, but..
He does. Here he is, next to Tidus. Watching the other sleep.
It's tempting to wake Tidus up, but Inigo knows that the other can use every single moment of sleep he can get, considering how hard he worked. So Inigo doesn't touch or otherwise try to wake the other.
He just turns his body in bed so he's there on his side, watching the other. Just enjoying this moment that almost feels miraculous, just because he can have it once more. ]
[ He doesn't think he'll sleep when they go to bed. He's exhausted to the point of being an empty tank, just a body that drags to carry. Exhausted over the rescues, exhausted emotionally from bringing so many friends back. Knowing and seeing Inigo around - even that was tiring for how it stirred around inside his chest, a vice around his lungs that he wanted to give more attention to (to Inigo, to tell him everything he's been carrying for days - the fear of nearly losing him that way), but he couldn't. Can't.
In reality, it doesn't take him long to fall asleep at all.
He won't remember if he dreamed. What it was that led to him waking, but there's memories, thoughts; the entry and leave from the void clinging to him as much as the rest, the calls that he heard, the misery and longing. A loneliness. A deep, crippling loneliness, the desire to have anyone close. The reminder of an empty bed beside him every morning that he woke, and he sees it then, before his eyes have truly opened. We didn't get him, we didn't get him. ]
Inigo. [ It's a cry that comes out wet, and Tidus reaches at Inigo's side of the bed, something in the way. Bedsheets, his brain figures, not realising the body that's there, the thing that he's scrambling for before his vision actually awakens and adjusts.
Whenever it is that he does see Inigo there - if Inigo stops him, grabs his hand or settles him down, Tidus locks onto him with wide, disbelieving eyes - and then the tears start to come, his lower lip trembling, a mouth he has to fight his jaw to close. ]
[ There's not much surprise in seeing Tidus emotional, considering how rough the past few days have been on the both of them.
But there is some surprise in seeing this much emotion. After all, Tidus isn't like Inigo. He doesn't exactly cry at the drop of a hat. Inigo is pretty much he couldn't count the number of times he's cried in front of Tidus even if he'd try to do so, while he can certainly recall every single time Tidus has cried in front of him.. because it's hardly ever happened. Even though Tidus often hurts just as much as Inigo does, he just doesn't express it in this sort of way.
Except he's doing so. Right now. Inigo can see the familiar wetness in Tidus's eyes, the way he calls out his name, and he doesn't hesitate for a moment. His arms already move to gather the other guy up into his arms. It's a tight hold, like he's proving that he's right here with the other now. That Tidus isn't waking up to an empty bed, the way he must have the past few days. He tries his best to keep the arm that was reaching out to him from awkwardly getting stuck between them, but that does take a moment of moving both their bodies in the right position, Inigo's tangling his legs together with Tidus's own. ]
It's okay.
[ The words are so softly that it's basically just a whisper. But it's not like Inigo has to speak louder than that when Tidus's ear is right there, practically next to his mouth. ]
It's okay, I'm here. [ Maybe not everything is okay. They're still stuck on this train. They still went through something painful.
But at least they did manage to fix it. Thank Naga, because even without taking his own situation into account, just thinking about Tidus having to live with this pain threatens to break Inigo's own heart as well. ]
[ Tidus doesn't entirely get what's happening when he's moved, but then - he isn't sure about a lot of things in the midst of waking up. That stabbing loneliness overwhelming him, a half-remembered recollection of the anchoring, did they do it, did they get people? I don't want to leave Inigo behind. It's the thought that hurts the most, the living dread Tidus has been carrying for days. Inigo's biggest fear, and everything that would haunt him if it happened. A mother who needed saving, a close friend too.
He can't leave this way. Not after saying how much he couldn't handle it.
Tidus doesn't entirely get what's happening now, but there's someone there, Inigo, how? -- and that's all he wants, letting his head bury into the other guy and his words of comfort. The presence that's more real and firm than he ever knew he would miss, but it's true. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be left alone.
It takes a minute for Tidus to start to regain some sense about this morning; what it is he's doing, how much he's letting himself cry over some dumb half-sleepy state. But he still has to sniff, to bite on his lip and to choke back a few sobs, before he manages to control his crying. Red and messy-faced, a patch of tears left against Inigo's shoulder.
But he pulls his head away, embarrassed, a downtrodden face. Sniffing, trying to get a hand to wipe over his face. ]
I-I'm sorry-- I dunno what came over me. S-stupid dream...
[ He'll blame it on a dream, why not. It makes more sense than I forgot we saved you. ]
[ When Tidus is trying to move his hand to wipe at his face, Inigo loosens the hug just enough that the other can use that hand without it being squeezed somewhere between or behind their bodies. He knows that the other feels so easily embarrassed about this kind of thing, after all, and he'd like to let Tidus keep all the dignity he wants after what surely must have been a wild few days. ]
It's alright. Maybe it was just your turn to do this. [ A tiny pause, and then he adds, softly: ] You know, after my ten thousand times.
[ It's a weak joke, but it's mostly meant to normalize all of this a little. To show Tidus that Inigo - of all people - of course doesn't mind it when someone cries around him, let alone judging it. ]
.. I'm sorry too though, you know.
[ His voice dips a little, letting out a small huff of breath. ]
You must've had it so hard, the last few days. [ Especially since Inigo knows that Tidus would have caught on to the fact that some people were kicked off the train involuntarily. They had that talk, after all. Surely Tidus knows him well enough to know Inigo wouldn't just go back on what he said there. ] I know it's not my fault, but.. still, I left you. Even though I promised I'd be there for you.
[ Especially during rough times like that. Tidus must have struggled so much by himself, wanting to fix the situation. ]
No. [ The tears threaten to fall again, lining his eyelids as he hears Inigo try and take some of the blame. An arm wraps around Inigo's back, and he crowds his head back close to Inigo's collarbone, near to his chest; letting himself just be close to him, even if he really can't look at him like this.
But that's not important. He's here - he's here. ]
Don't. You... you didn't want to go. I kept thinking...the train would leave you. [ He struggles to talk around his tightening throat, the pain in there by his adam's apple. Every recollection of that time painful, to remember what could have been. ]
I tried everything... the train wouldn't answer us. It kept- it felt like it kept trying to leave. I was scared...
[ The grows become a whisper, but not intentionally. Tidus swallows, trying to recover his voice. ]
I was scared we'd leave you. And everyone. Jingyi... he was right in front of me, and the train knocked him out.
[ And then the train kept going, kept trying to leave, or seeming to. Having the carriages rock and shake, having no clue or answer as to what was going on, no ability to do a single thing. ]
[ Not that Inigo can't grasp Tidus's pain here. He gets it. Even though he was quite literally on the other side of this situation, on the other side of those doors, he can understand all of those feelings. He had to keep himself strong out there for the sake of others, especially since some people seemed really freaked out about the state of their worlds, but..
He had also been scared that the train would leave them behind. That they would all end up exactly like all of the people who disappeared after leaving on the platforms before.
The fact that Tidus is so upset, even though it would have been their fate and not his, says a lot about how kind and selfless the other is. Inigo keeps holding Tidus with one arm, but moves his other hand up, gently threading his fingers through the blonde locks near his shoulder. ]
I don't doubt that's at least partially because of you. You must have given the train so many pieces of your mind. [ Especially since Tidus is saying the train wouldn't answer them.
Inigo knows him. He knows Tidus so well. He can only imagine what kind of angry messages he must have sent. ]
Maybe it wouldn't have stopped at all if you hadn't spoken up, you know?
[ Maybe that's all Inigo can offer Tidus. Sure, the situation was resolved, but it was still a scary situation for all involved, and those feelings don't disappear so quickly.
And while Inigo can't do a thing about the fact that the entire situation happened, he can at least offer the other this much. Because he genuinely believes in what he's saying here. If the train didn't want to listen to them for.. - how long had they been out there, days? - then it probably would have continued like that if no one had complained. If no one had told it something was wrong. ]
[ They are here. There's still a way, a means of helping everyone, and grasping that is a lot. He'd thrown himself into the task as soon as it was possible, seeing them pull back the people, but never having the opportunity to let it sink in. No one was going to be lost, no one -
Not if they could help it. Tidus lets himself accept it, relish in it, thankful. There were still likely people to save, but for this moment, Tidus wanted to let himself feel his emotions, go through their waves of grief and happiness. He's doubtful though, of what Inigo says - that he had anything to do with changing the train's mind, hard to believe for a second.
The train wasn't listening. It pulled back. It has so much power over him, and Tidus can barely fight it or get through to it.
It makes tears want to fall again, stinging his eyes. But Tidus lets himself soak into this embrace, this fuss he's being given, the gentle stroke of his hair. Embarrassing, but he wants it. He wants someone so near and close, so he doesn't have to feel alone. ]
Inigo...? ... if we ever get separated... if anything happens, I'll look for you. Even if it takes me years, I'll do it. So...
[ Of all the things Inigo expected Tidus to say in this moment, these words sure weren't it.
They make Inigo go completely quiet for a moment, swallowing thickly as those words feel like they're hitting him like a truck. Not in a negative way. They're good words, after all, but they're just..
They're overwhelming. Inigo, with all his non-existence self worth, has never imagined anyone would go this far for him. That anyone would say something like that. It's a little less surprising since it's Tidus, and he knows Tidus is so kind and cares so much, but still.. His chest and throat both tighten, in that telltale way they always do, right before he's about to cry.
He tries not to cry though. Tidus crying is already more than enough for both of them, and right now Inigo wants to be the strong one. He wants to be here to comfort his friend, who's been through so much the past few days. Who must be exhausted, if Inigo already feels tired after only participating in a few rescue operations. ]
That's..
[ He starts, but it's like he can't get more than just that out of his throat.
Inigo holds Tidus a little tighter still. ]
Idiot.. you shouldn't waste years on me.
[ Maybe if it was a scenario like the past few days, where a lot of people important to Tidus got separated from him. Then Inigo would get it. If Tidus were looking for Taiki, for Roland, for any of their friends-- for Yuna.
But if Tidus had all of those people right by his side, and it was just Inigo missing, then.. ]
I'd rather just know you were being happy out there somewhere. [ Even if it's without him.
Inigo doesn't sound stern though. Not annoyed, nor angry - if anything, he just sounds like he's trying to hold back a whole lot of emotion here on his end, more than anything else. ]
[ It's funny, though Inigo doesn't mean to it to be. Happy out there somewhere, without me - when he'd been going crazy in trying to make the train listen to him, to bring him and Jingyi back. People who hadn't wanted to leave, just like the people who disappeared into the void, lost out there.
He reaches up, putting a hand to Inigo's cheek; moving his own head back to raise his chin, to look at the face above him. A small smile, his own face still damp and red from his tears. ]
How could I be happy leaving you behind? [ I've done that too many times. ]
We're finding you a home.
[ With Roland, with anyone, anywhere - but it'll be Inigo's choosing. His choice. ]
[ It's like his heart is getting smothered here. All Inigo has ever wanted is to receive this kind of care from people. To have someone said how could I be happy leaving you behind, that his presence was that important to them. And yet, at the same time - the idea of Tidus being miserable just because Inigo got thrown out by this dumb train makes it hurt as well.
His head leans forward, just so their foreheads can rest against each other, their faces close enough that it's like he can feel the heat of the tears and crying radiate from Tidus's own face. ]
Well.. I'm not accepting anything else for you either. We're going to find a way for you as well. [ Just to exist. There's got to be something out there in these myriad of worlds they travel.
Inigo refuses to accept the end of Tidus's story as just him disappearing into nothingness after all this. ]
You've worked so hard. You're still working so hard.
[ His hand moves from Inigo's cheek to around his back as he comes in close; not immediately, but eventually, eyes closing to the warmth of their proximity. ]
Okay.
[ Okay. It's taken time for him to accept, but - he's ready for it, he's sure. If he doesn't want to lose anyone to non-existence, then how can he say the same for himself? And in front of Inigo, after assuring him that he'll never give up on him. Couldn't. Wouldn't.
It might have something to do with how they're positioned now; what the last few days - the week - has been. But, with the two of them like this...
Tidus tugs his arm more around Inigo's shoulders and pulls him down, body against body. Inigo nearer to him to embrace than they'd been on their sides, but he wants this. The two of them, the comfort of their connection, their body heat. He lets his cheek come to rest on Inigo's; a nicer place, more likely, for their heads to be. ]
I want a life too, [ he admits, a fact that threatens to make his eyes sting again with fresh tears if he isn't careful. ] I just want to be...me.
[ With a sky, a weather, with someone warm in his bed, with a life to look forward to.
After all, it always feels like the other is so busy pushing everyone else to their happiest end possible that it's like Tidus always leaves himself out of that. As if he had already given up on himself - though that has slowly been changing, a fact that's solidified in the words the other is saying right now. ]
You'll be able to.
[ Inigo doesn't know how, but it doesn't matter. He'll stick around until they find a way, just like how Tidus will stick around until they find something that works out for Inigo as well. They'll safeguard each other until they find ways.
So he allows himself to be pulled down, shifting to settle in against the other. ]
We won't stop until then. Until we've got the happy lives we deserve. [ It's hard for him to say that too, since Inigo has always done the same thing as well. Focusing so hard on everyone else that he hardly ever stopped to think of himself.
But fair is fair. ]
Until we've saved everyone.
[ The people on the train whose worlds are in tatters because of the train. The people who need a safe solution because their world was in danger in the first place. The people who left the train. Everyone, everyone, everyone.
He kind of wants to look at Tidus, but it's hard in their current positions, and he doesn't want to shift around and change positions much yet from where he's lying on top of the other now. So instead it shows more through his tone than through his expression that the next matter he speaks on is a tad more fragile, even though he lets out a breath of a laugh. ]
You know, when I was thrown out of the train like that.. I thought of you right away. I was so worried the train might have thrown you out too, and that you would've--
[ Disappeared.
How come that always remains so hard to say? Inigo manages to keep himself from choking up as he says it, but it's still hard. ]
.. you know. [ They both know. ] I looked all over, just in case I could find some proof of it having happened. I really was worried..
[ He wants to be a little greedy, right now. As nice as Inigo's face can be to look at, the touch of him close is even nicer right now. The presence, body of another; not feeling so alone. Indulging in comfort, for comfort's sake.
Saving everyone... sometimes, it seems like an impossibility. An impossibility that he wants so desperately to come true, despite how powerless they are - how little they know. Can do.
Tidus keeps his arms wrapped around Inigo, but as he voices his fears, his lifts a hand, stroking idly the strands of blue hair at Inigo's neck. ]
...it wouldn't hurt. [ He knows that it isn't what Inigo's looking for, but if that had happened... there isn't much else he can promise Inigo. ]
But hey, you'd come find me, right? You'll put me back together. [ If he did disappear, was the one lost. There's only one of them that could come back to the train, in that case. He perks up his voice, trying to make a positive out of it. ] I'll see you again, probably. You know, I talked to Wuxian about my problem. Jingyi told me to talk to him a long time ago, but it's real weird, admitting you're some kind of - dream person.
[ It truly isn't fully what Inigo wants to hear here. Sure, it'd be better than that process being very painful for Tidus, but.. it still wouldn't change anything about how much it'd suck for Tidus to suddenly disappear just due to a whim of the train's, nor would it change anything about how much it'd hurt for the people he'd leave behind. Inigo doesn't even know if they'd be able to bring him back through anchoring, if it had gotten to that..
.. it's an awful thought, and so he quickly shoves it out of his mind, not wanting to think about it. Not when they're back together now. When they're alright. Instead he can focus on the rest of what his friend is telling him here. ]
You did? [ It's said softly, and perhaps a tad surprised. Inigo didn't think Tidus would ever talk with someone about it, outside of his closest friends.. Not even if it was to try and find a solution, or to understand it better.
There's a brief pause, like Inigo is processing that fact, and then he slowly asks: ] What did he say..?
[ He's also rather enjoying that stroking of his hair near his back, so don't mind Inigo if he suddely lies extra still on top of the other, wanting to just enjoy that soft and intimate sensation. ]
Well... [ Lucky for Inigo, he is still stroking his hair; not a lot, and just now and then, his fingers moving against the strands lightly more to feel them brush along his skin than any other purpose. ]
He was talking about strengthening my ability to stay without the SCA. So if anything does happen to it, [ Like Inigo might've worried, ] at least - maybe I'll be able to stick around longer, or without it.
[ Admittedly... ] We didn't get to talk about it too much, but I'll go back to him about it later - once we're done saving everyone.
[ They've got a big job waiting for them, and he's not at risk right now. It can wait. ]
[ Inigo won't push the other to talk about it with Wei Wuxian now - though Inigo does have a slight worry in the back of his mind about what might happen if the guy disappears before Tidus can ever ask him what he wanted to know.
But then again.. hopefully they should still be able to greet the people who disappeared once more before they're all sent back home to their own worlds, right? Tidus could ask the other then. Inigo has to keep that hope alive in his heart to prevent himself from going crazy with worry about the people who walked off the platform. ]
You better make sure to ask him by then though. [ Not that he thinks Tidus will need the reminder, but.. you know. Just in case he does. ] Or I'll ask him for you.
[ The scariest threat. ]
We're all going to be happy. [ Somehow. Even though it feels impossible in their current situation, still.. ] I'm not going to let go of you before that.
Isn't that the dream - isn't that the outcome they want. No matter the odds, n how constantly hopeless this all feels(, is). Tidus doesn't say anything, but he draws his arms closer about Inigo, soaks in his body warmth, the sensation of him on him, with him.
Whatever the outcome, they'll do it... without regrets. ]
Come on. [ They're words spoken, after a minute or so; indulging in each other, but if they're thinking of the future, then they need to focus on the now, too. Tidus's arms having loosened, but he doesn't make Inigo look at him - even though his own eyes are on the wall opposite. ]
We have everyone to save for now. We get them back, then we can ask Wei Wuxian sooner.
Inigo knows that it's a 'for now' that's still stretched out over a long period, if the time they've taken to get anything done so far shows anything at all.
But right here and now, with Tidus so close to him.. He can think of the 'for now' that's a little more short-term as well.
So he shifts. Moving just enough so he can actually press his lips against Tidus's.
It's nothing too wild, since he knows the other has got to still be tired.. but it works. Just something slight is enough for him in this moment. And perhaps it can soothe Tidus's heart a little as well. ]
How about this for now too, hm? [ He pulls his head back, just to show he's smiling at the other. ] .. don't worry, I know you're too tired for more.
[ To go all the way. ]
But we still have a few days worth of kissing to make up for, you know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blitzcheer) wrote2020-04-28 11:07 am
poi 27
But he knows that it's not the worst for him. He knows that the people who stayed back on the train - or who got to, anyway, since it's not exactly like Inigo voluntarily left - got the worst of it. They had to pull back so many people. And Inigo knows Tidus well enough to know that the other must have dragged back so many more people aside from just him, aside from the people he saw Tidus rescue. Tidus must have exhausted himself in making sure every single person would end up back on the train, rather than lost out there in the void.
So Inigo isn't surprised when he wakes up ahead of Tidus. He slowly blinks, his eyes adjusting to the sight of their room, the first time he's woken up here again in days. It feels familiar, yet a little strange all the same, leaving Inigo staring up at the ceiling for a few moments until the familiar soft breathing next to him draws his attention instead.
He turns his head, spotting the obvious there. Tidus, still asleep. His hair all messy from turning in bed in his sleep, his eyes closed, his breathing steady.
.. he really missed this. Inigo was honestly so afraid that he'd never see this again. That he'd forever be stuck in that state he was in for the last few days, having disappeared out into the void just like everyone who had left the train. He thought he wouldn't see Tidus again, wouldn't have the experience of waking up next to him anymore like this, but..
He does. Here he is, next to Tidus. Watching the other sleep.
It's tempting to wake Tidus up, but Inigo knows that the other can use every single moment of sleep he can get, considering how hard he worked. So Inigo doesn't touch or otherwise try to wake the other.
He just turns his body in bed so he's there on his side, watching the other. Just enjoying this moment that almost feels miraculous, just because he can have it once more. ]
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In reality, it doesn't take him long to fall asleep at all.
He won't remember if he dreamed. What it was that led to him waking, but there's memories, thoughts; the entry and leave from the void clinging to him as much as the rest, the calls that he heard, the misery and longing. A loneliness. A deep, crippling loneliness, the desire to have anyone close. The reminder of an empty bed beside him every morning that he woke, and he sees it then, before his eyes have truly opened. We didn't get him, we didn't get him. ]
Inigo. [ It's a cry that comes out wet, and Tidus reaches at Inigo's side of the bed, something in the way. Bedsheets, his brain figures, not realising the body that's there, the thing that he's scrambling for before his vision actually awakens and adjusts.
Whenever it is that he does see Inigo there - if Inigo stops him, grabs his hand or settles him down, Tidus locks onto him with wide, disbelieving eyes - and then the tears start to come, his lower lip trembling, a mouth he has to fight his jaw to close. ]
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But there is some surprise in seeing this much emotion. After all, Tidus isn't like Inigo. He doesn't exactly cry at the drop of a hat. Inigo is pretty much he couldn't count the number of times he's cried in front of Tidus even if he'd try to do so, while he can certainly recall every single time Tidus has cried in front of him.. because it's hardly ever happened. Even though Tidus often hurts just as much as Inigo does, he just doesn't express it in this sort of way.
Except he's doing so. Right now. Inigo can see the familiar wetness in Tidus's eyes, the way he calls out his name, and he doesn't hesitate for a moment. His arms already move to gather the other guy up into his arms. It's a tight hold, like he's proving that he's right here with the other now. That Tidus isn't waking up to an empty bed, the way he must have the past few days. He tries his best to keep the arm that was reaching out to him from awkwardly getting stuck between them, but that does take a moment of moving both their bodies in the right position, Inigo's tangling his legs together with Tidus's own. ]
It's okay.
[ The words are so softly that it's basically just a whisper. But it's not like Inigo has to speak louder than that when Tidus's ear is right there, practically next to his mouth. ]
It's okay, I'm here. [ Maybe not everything is okay. They're still stuck on this train. They still went through something painful.
But at least they did manage to fix it. Thank Naga, because even without taking his own situation into account, just thinking about Tidus having to live with this pain threatens to break Inigo's own heart as well. ]
I'm right here with you.
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He can't leave this way. Not after saying how much he couldn't handle it.
Tidus doesn't entirely get what's happening now, but there's someone there, Inigo, how? -- and that's all he wants, letting his head bury into the other guy and his words of comfort. The presence that's more real and firm than he ever knew he would miss, but it's true. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be left alone.
It takes a minute for Tidus to start to regain some sense about this morning; what it is he's doing, how much he's letting himself cry over some dumb half-sleepy state. But he still has to sniff, to bite on his lip and to choke back a few sobs, before he manages to control his crying. Red and messy-faced, a patch of tears left against Inigo's shoulder.
But he pulls his head away, embarrassed, a downtrodden face. Sniffing, trying to get a hand to wipe over his face. ]
I-I'm sorry-- I dunno what came over me. S-stupid dream...
[ He'll blame it on a dream, why not. It makes more sense than I forgot we saved you. ]
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It's alright. Maybe it was just your turn to do this. [ A tiny pause, and then he adds, softly: ] You know, after my ten thousand times.
[ It's a weak joke, but it's mostly meant to normalize all of this a little. To show Tidus that Inigo - of all people - of course doesn't mind it when someone cries around him, let alone judging it. ]
.. I'm sorry too though, you know.
[ His voice dips a little, letting out a small huff of breath. ]
You must've had it so hard, the last few days. [ Especially since Inigo knows that Tidus would have caught on to the fact that some people were kicked off the train involuntarily. They had that talk, after all. Surely Tidus knows him well enough to know Inigo wouldn't just go back on what he said there. ] I know it's not my fault, but.. still, I left you. Even though I promised I'd be there for you.
[ Especially during rough times like that. Tidus must have struggled so much by himself, wanting to fix the situation. ]
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But that's not important. He's here - he's here. ]
Don't. You... you didn't want to go. I kept thinking...the train would leave you. [ He struggles to talk around his tightening throat, the pain in there by his adam's apple. Every recollection of that time painful, to remember what could have been. ]
I tried everything... the train wouldn't answer us. It kept- it felt like it kept trying to leave. I was scared...
[ The grows become a whisper, but not intentionally. Tidus swallows, trying to recover his voice. ]
I was scared we'd leave you. And everyone. Jingyi... he was right in front of me, and the train knocked him out.
[ And then the train kept going, kept trying to leave, or seeming to. Having the carriages rock and shake, having no clue or answer as to what was going on, no ability to do a single thing. ]
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[ Not that Inigo can't grasp Tidus's pain here. He gets it. Even though he was quite literally on the other side of this situation, on the other side of those doors, he can understand all of those feelings. He had to keep himself strong out there for the sake of others, especially since some people seemed really freaked out about the state of their worlds, but..
He had also been scared that the train would leave them behind. That they would all end up exactly like all of the people who disappeared after leaving on the platforms before.
The fact that Tidus is so upset, even though it would have been their fate and not his, says a lot about how kind and selfless the other is. Inigo keeps holding Tidus with one arm, but moves his other hand up, gently threading his fingers through the blonde locks near his shoulder. ]
I don't doubt that's at least partially because of you. You must have given the train so many pieces of your mind. [ Especially since Tidus is saying the train wouldn't answer them.
Inigo knows him. He knows Tidus so well. He can only imagine what kind of angry messages he must have sent. ]
Maybe it wouldn't have stopped at all if you hadn't spoken up, you know?
[ Maybe that's all Inigo can offer Tidus. Sure, the situation was resolved, but it was still a scary situation for all involved, and those feelings don't disappear so quickly.
And while Inigo can't do a thing about the fact that the entire situation happened, he can at least offer the other this much. Because he genuinely believes in what he's saying here. If the train didn't want to listen to them for.. - how long had they been out there, days? - then it probably would have continued like that if no one had complained. If no one had told it something was wrong. ]
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Not if they could help it. Tidus lets himself accept it, relish in it, thankful. There were still likely people to save, but for this moment, Tidus wanted to let himself feel his emotions, go through their waves of grief and happiness. He's doubtful though, of what Inigo says - that he had anything to do with changing the train's mind, hard to believe for a second.
The train wasn't listening. It pulled back. It has so much power over him, and Tidus can barely fight it or get through to it.
It makes tears want to fall again, stinging his eyes. But Tidus lets himself soak into this embrace, this fuss he's being given, the gentle stroke of his hair. Embarrassing, but he wants it. He wants someone so near and close, so he doesn't have to feel alone. ]
Inigo...? ... if we ever get separated... if anything happens, I'll look for you. Even if it takes me years, I'll do it. So...
Don't forget it, wherever you are.
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They make Inigo go completely quiet for a moment, swallowing thickly as those words feel like they're hitting him like a truck. Not in a negative way. They're good words, after all, but they're just..
They're overwhelming. Inigo, with all his non-existence self worth, has never imagined anyone would go this far for him. That anyone would say something like that. It's a little less surprising since it's Tidus, and he knows Tidus is so kind and cares so much, but still.. His chest and throat both tighten, in that telltale way they always do, right before he's about to cry.
He tries not to cry though. Tidus crying is already more than enough for both of them, and right now Inigo wants to be the strong one. He wants to be here to comfort his friend, who's been through so much the past few days. Who must be exhausted, if Inigo already feels tired after only participating in a few rescue operations. ]
That's..
[ He starts, but it's like he can't get more than just that out of his throat.
Inigo holds Tidus a little tighter still. ]
Idiot.. you shouldn't waste years on me.
[ Maybe if it was a scenario like the past few days, where a lot of people important to Tidus got separated from him. Then Inigo would get it. If Tidus were looking for Taiki, for Roland, for any of their friends-- for Yuna.
But if Tidus had all of those people right by his side, and it was just Inigo missing, then.. ]
I'd rather just know you were being happy out there somewhere. [ Even if it's without him.
Inigo doesn't sound stern though. Not annoyed, nor angry - if anything, he just sounds like he's trying to hold back a whole lot of emotion here on his end, more than anything else. ]
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He reaches up, putting a hand to Inigo's cheek; moving his own head back to raise his chin, to look at the face above him. A small smile, his own face still damp and red from his tears. ]
How could I be happy leaving you behind? [ I've done that too many times. ]
We're finding you a home.
[ With Roland, with anyone, anywhere - but it'll be Inigo's choosing. His choice. ]
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His head leans forward, just so their foreheads can rest against each other, their faces close enough that it's like he can feel the heat of the tears and crying radiate from Tidus's own face. ]
Well.. I'm not accepting anything else for you either. We're going to find a way for you as well. [ Just to exist. There's got to be something out there in these myriad of worlds they travel.
Inigo refuses to accept the end of Tidus's story as just him disappearing into nothingness after all this. ]
You've worked so hard. You're still working so hard.
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Okay.
[ Okay. It's taken time for him to accept, but - he's ready for it, he's sure. If he doesn't want to lose anyone to non-existence, then how can he say the same for himself? And in front of Inigo, after assuring him that he'll never give up on him. Couldn't. Wouldn't.
It might have something to do with how they're positioned now; what the last few days - the week - has been. But, with the two of them like this...
Tidus tugs his arm more around Inigo's shoulders and pulls him down, body against body. Inigo nearer to him to embrace than they'd been on their sides, but he wants this. The two of them, the comfort of their connection, their body heat. He lets his cheek come to rest on Inigo's; a nicer place, more likely, for their heads to be. ]
I want a life too, [ he admits, a fact that threatens to make his eyes sting again with fresh tears if he isn't careful. ] I just want to be...me.
[ With a sky, a weather, with someone warm in his bed, with a life to look forward to.
Who could want anything else? ]
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After all, it always feels like the other is so busy pushing everyone else to their happiest end possible that it's like Tidus always leaves himself out of that. As if he had already given up on himself - though that has slowly been changing, a fact that's solidified in the words the other is saying right now. ]
You'll be able to.
[ Inigo doesn't know how, but it doesn't matter. He'll stick around until they find a way, just like how Tidus will stick around until they find something that works out for Inigo as well. They'll safeguard each other until they find ways.
So he allows himself to be pulled down, shifting to settle in against the other. ]
We won't stop until then. Until we've got the happy lives we deserve. [ It's hard for him to say that too, since Inigo has always done the same thing as well. Focusing so hard on everyone else that he hardly ever stopped to think of himself.
But fair is fair. ]
Until we've saved everyone.
[ The people on the train whose worlds are in tatters because of the train. The people who need a safe solution because their world was in danger in the first place. The people who left the train. Everyone, everyone, everyone.
He kind of wants to look at Tidus, but it's hard in their current positions, and he doesn't want to shift around and change positions much yet from where he's lying on top of the other now. So instead it shows more through his tone than through his expression that the next matter he speaks on is a tad more fragile, even though he lets out a breath of a laugh. ]
You know, when I was thrown out of the train like that.. I thought of you right away. I was so worried the train might have thrown you out too, and that you would've--
[ Disappeared.
How come that always remains so hard to say? Inigo manages to keep himself from choking up as he says it, but it's still hard. ]
.. you know. [ They both know. ] I looked all over, just in case I could find some proof of it having happened. I really was worried..
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Saving everyone... sometimes, it seems like an impossibility. An impossibility that he wants so desperately to come true, despite how powerless they are - how little they know. Can do.
Tidus keeps his arms wrapped around Inigo, but as he voices his fears, his lifts a hand, stroking idly the strands of blue hair at Inigo's neck. ]
...it wouldn't hurt. [ He knows that it isn't what Inigo's looking for, but if that had happened... there isn't much else he can promise Inigo. ]
But hey, you'd come find me, right? You'll put me back together. [ If he did disappear, was the one lost. There's only one of them that could come back to the train, in that case. He perks up his voice, trying to make a positive out of it. ] I'll see you again, probably. You know, I talked to Wuxian about my problem. Jingyi told me to talk to him a long time ago, but it's real weird, admitting you're some kind of - dream person.
[ Pretty awkward, honestly. ]
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.. it's an awful thought, and so he quickly shoves it out of his mind, not wanting to think about it. Not when they're back together now. When they're alright. Instead he can focus on the rest of what his friend is telling him here. ]
You did? [ It's said softly, and perhaps a tad surprised. Inigo didn't think Tidus would ever talk with someone about it, outside of his closest friends.. Not even if it was to try and find a solution, or to understand it better.
There's a brief pause, like Inigo is processing that fact, and then he slowly asks: ] What did he say..?
[ He's also rather enjoying that stroking of his hair near his back, so don't mind Inigo if he suddely lies extra still on top of the other, wanting to just enjoy that soft and intimate sensation. ]
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He was talking about strengthening my ability to stay without the SCA. So if anything does happen to it, [ Like Inigo might've worried, ] at least - maybe I'll be able to stick around longer, or without it.
[ Admittedly... ] We didn't get to talk about it too much, but I'll go back to him about it later - once we're done saving everyone.
[ They've got a big job waiting for them, and he's not at risk right now. It can wait. ]
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[ Inigo won't push the other to talk about it with Wei Wuxian now - though Inigo does have a slight worry in the back of his mind about what might happen if the guy disappears before Tidus can ever ask him what he wanted to know.
But then again.. hopefully they should still be able to greet the people who disappeared once more before they're all sent back home to their own worlds, right? Tidus could ask the other then. Inigo has to keep that hope alive in his heart to prevent himself from going crazy with worry about the people who walked off the platform. ]
You better make sure to ask him by then though. [ Not that he thinks Tidus will need the reminder, but.. you know. Just in case he does. ] Or I'll ask him for you.
[ The scariest threat. ]
We're all going to be happy. [ Somehow. Even though it feels impossible in their current situation, still.. ] I'm not going to let go of you before that.
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Isn't that the dream - isn't that the outcome they want. No matter the odds, n how constantly hopeless this all feels(, is). Tidus doesn't say anything, but he draws his arms closer about Inigo, soaks in his body warmth, the sensation of him on him, with him.
Whatever the outcome, they'll do it... without regrets. ]
Come on. [ They're words spoken, after a minute or so; indulging in each other, but if they're thinking of the future, then they need to focus on the now, too. Tidus's arms having loosened, but he doesn't make Inigo look at him - even though his own eyes are on the wall opposite. ]
We have everyone to save for now. We get them back, then we can ask Wei Wuxian sooner.
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Inigo knows that it's a 'for now' that's still stretched out over a long period, if the time they've taken to get anything done so far shows anything at all.
But right here and now, with Tidus so close to him.. He can think of the 'for now' that's a little more short-term as well.
So he shifts. Moving just enough so he can actually press his lips against Tidus's.
It's nothing too wild, since he knows the other has got to still be tired.. but it works. Just something slight is enough for him in this moment. And perhaps it can soothe Tidus's heart a little as well. ]
How about this for now too, hm? [ He pulls his head back, just to show he's smiling at the other. ] .. don't worry, I know you're too tired for more.
[ To go all the way. ]
But we still have a few days worth of kissing to make up for, you know.